Hi, this is my first post here, but I've been reading these forums for a while. I'll start with a bit of backstory before I get to the actual problem. I'm 21, and I first came to the full realization that I'm gay around February or March of 2015. I am completely in the closet; I haven't told any of my friends or family. I've come close to telling some of my online friends (from a different forum, one that isn't related to LGBT+ topics) once or twice, but didn't know how to go about that and ultimately chickened out. I've never come close to telling anybody in my real life, but coming out has been on my mind for over a year now. I'm just too afraid, and I can't predict the reactions of most people I care about. So today I was hanging out with a friend, and I was showing him a picture on my phone. He took the phone in his hand, and while looking at it he accidentally swiped to a different picture of a random, good-looking guy who had his shirt off (I'm not sure why I even saved it in the first place). He quickly swiped back to the other picture, and we carried on like nothing happened. The entire time I was with him I kept wondering what he was thinking, and if he knew I was gay. When thinking about who to tell first, he definitely isn't the first person that comes to mind, even though he's one of my closest friends. He occasionally makes homophobic remarks like, "That's gay" or jokingly calls people the F word. I want to believe he's just joking, but there's part of me that thinks deep down he truly thinks lesser of the LGBT+ community. So I guess my question is, do you think he suspects I'm gay? And should I come out to him soon, even though I had no plans of telling anyone anytime soon? I'm ready to be open, and in the past few days I've really started to think of how nice it would be to start living my life the way I want to live it. I'm just so nervous and scared to face the reality. Thank you for any advice or comments. From what I've read on these forums, you all seem super helpful and friendly. I look forward to being a part of this community!
You say he's not the first person that comes to mind that you would trust to tell. Then who is? If its no one, thats okay. I know how hard it is to keep it bottled up inside. But I guess you're unsure, I would hold off to a while. Good luck!
try to take him somewhere where you can see some gay couples,or show him a movie where a gay scene would appear randomly,or a video game that has a gay scene (dragon age i can think of) and then try to see his reactions or comments,if he responds negatively try to argue a bit if he seems too angry JUST DON'T COME OUT TO HIM trust me its not worth it i tried this before with someone else so ...
I'm lesbian and have a few pictures of good looking men on my phone (mostly people I admire in the sports world) I also have some good looking women. It's totally normal to have hotties on your phone. If he hasn't said anything I wouldn't think much of it. There's been plenty of times i accidently swipe off a picture and qucikly go back to where I was. I don't even really look at the pic I went to on accident. I doubt he noticed and if he did it doesn't seem like he's brought it up yet so thats good. Most homophobic people would've imediantly stopped and been like "Bro WTF are you a f*g" he didn't though. Hope this works out mate
That must have been pretty scary seeing that picture swipe onto your screen. It's pretty interesting how often friends actually know or suspect you before you tell them. It's possible that the image wasn't that much of a surprise to him.
Thanks for the replies everyone! I don't think my friend had any idea (at least before he saw that picture) because he always makes comments to me about girls. I'm not the person people think of when they think of people who are gay. The other day I sent a Snapchat to him of my TV screen, which had women's beach volleyball from the Olympics captioned "I love Olympic Beach Volleyball!". He responded with, "Why's that?? ", implying it's because there are woman in revealing clothing. I just happen like beach volleyball... Since this has happened, I have thought more than ever about coming out. I think I'm ready, but I just need an appropriate time to do so. I also need to just get it out. I always back out whenever I think of doing it, like I'm waiting for the perfect moment, which I'm realizing there's never going to be a perfect moment.
It's nice that you've come to that realisation. Perhaps the accidental image was a blessing in disguise.
Here's hoping! I just need to muster up the courage and figure out who to tell first, when to do it, and what I'm going to say. Easier said than done. :dry:
In my experience, there is never a "good" time to come out to people. There are always going to be reasons that you can use to decide it's not the right time. With that said, I don't advocate coming out to people before you're ready. But once you are ready, and you know you are, then don't let all the potential timing issues bog you down and convince you to wait. Of course, try to avoid things like birthdays, holidays, etc.
TBH, it doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about from the one phone pic thing. The bigger issue to me is just to try to work on feeling comfortable with yourself and then move toward when you can come out. Plus, lots of guys have pics like that, friends I KNOW ARE 100% STRAIGHT. Hardcore fitness enthusiasts and even juicers use that shiz as motivation in the gym, sad but true.
