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possible to stay friends after a breakup?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by mikeh, Mar 16, 2009.

  1. mikeh

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    I was wondering if anyone had an advice for a situation like this. Saturday my bf of 2+ months told me he didn't feel toward me as I did toward him (I actually asked him directly, since I had been sensing this for a couple weeks). We talked for a long time, and I told him I didn't want to loose him from my life, he said the same. That was not a lie, I do consider him absolutely to be my best friend. I'm not even mad at him for breaking it off... I can't force him to feel what was not mean to be.

    That said, I'm just not sure I can really deal with seeing him again, and not feeling all the pain of loosing him. Especially when he finds someone else, I can only imagine all these feelings being dredged back up. Maybe I'm being sappy and maudlin, especially since we were only together for a few months, but I really did (and still do) love him. I was going to tell him that, but on some level I knew he wouldn't reciprocate :icon_sad:
     
  2. Greggers

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    Thats a hard one. Maybe give it some time before you see him again. You can tell him you need some time if your already being honest with each other. Its not fair for him to think you can go one day as lovers to BFF's the next. You will need time but im sure the feelings will get better once you take a small break, maybe meet someone else?
     
  3. Maddy

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    I think that for a while it's best to keep your distance from him, give both him and yourself some time - it's harder to move on when you still see the person all the time. It's probably better for both of you if you don't spend much time with him - don't go to ridiculous lengths to avoid him or anything, but I wouldn't suggest hanging out with him regularly either.
     
  4. littledinosaurs

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    it depends on the break up
    but its most definitely possible.
    yours doesn't sound like it was hugely bad so it could work.
     
  5. Mirko

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    Hi there! I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out. (*hug*)

    As others have mentioned, give it some time to move on as it were. Create some distance between the two of you, try to spend time with other friends and perhaps try to make some new friends. Maybe try to get involved in some sport activities, community organizations and events, etc....so to allow yourself to start moving on. It will take some time until you won't think about the what ifs, and the what could have been, but you will get to the point where even when you see him, you won't think too much it.

    Whenever you feel ready to be 'just' his friend and no longer have such strong feelings for him, try to continue the friendship. As you have said, in many ways he is your best friend.

    I hope this helps a bit!
     
  6. mikeh

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    Thank you all very much for the replies. I think the consensus is to give it some time, and I agree that will be best. It's only been a few days, and I am feeling much better. It's still a bit strange, since so much of my life the past 3 months revolved around him, we would spend the evenings after work together, and now I come home and having nothing. So, I'm definitely trying not to sit around thinking about that.

    I just hope he wasn't yessing me to death about staying friends. We used to talk every day, now I haven't heard from him since Saturday. All of a sudden, his AIM is "away" for 3 days. I would feel quite stupid if he was just telling me what I wanted to hear. I do realize he may be upset as well, but it was he who didn't want to continue the relationship.
     
  7. Just Adam

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    mikeh he was the one who came to the conclusion a relationship wasent right for him, you musnt feel guilty in any way about things done or said i know ive been here before and the truth is he might of just been yessing you all you can do is say you mean alot to me i dont want to lose you from my life and i would like to remain friends when u feel ready ill be here thats all you can do and it sounds like you did so good on ya for takeing a mature attitude to the breakup i agree with the others give it time and space aslong he knows the door of friendships open thats the main thing

    good luck man (*hug*)
     
  8. BitterEdge

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    I'm having the same issues currently. It's been hard, and I don't think he fully gets it, tried to get me to hookup with him this coming Friday...I just don't understand men.

    But you can always try, if it'd meant to be it will be.
     
  9. mikeh

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    Try not to laugh too hard, but my horoscope said today was a day to "reach out to a friend." I sent him a note and hope to hear something back--good or bad.

    I kind of knew this was coming since the beginning. I knew he had never had a bf before, and never really dated anyone either. We didn't move that fast, but only after a few weeks he asked if we were an item. I liked him a lot, so I didn't see any reason not to. Unfortunately, I realized he was more in love with the idea of having a bf than anything. I think the past few days I was most upset because I was the one who asked him the question about us. I felt like I had poked the house of cards, as it were. I do realize that if it was only a house of cards, it would fall eventually, so probably better now than 4 months or 8 months later.

    Bitter, I had a little chuckle about the understanding men thing. I can't agree more LOL