Hi guys really need help with this one and I feel like my situation may have happened to others so I'll see if you guys can help. So I've been with this guy that I like for 10 months now. I've never been in a relationship before and thought before I may have been lesbian because I was attracted to my friend and afraid of guys (that happened for a whole different reason though) but then I met the guy I'm with at the moment and it was the first time I felt comfortable around a guy so I assumed I was attracted to him, even though it didn't feel like the attraction to my friend (female). I told him at the start that I thought I might be bisexual and he was okay with this. The whole time we've been going out I've avoided physical contact a lot and pretty much stayed away from all boy's pride and joy, even though he tried to get me to do handjobs and the other one a lot, and to be honest I was grossed out by it. A few weeks ago we had sex for the first time and I hated it. I didn't do much at all, felt bored and found it disgusting. A week ago we did it again and I thought I would be ok with it this time but I really wasn't and he kept trying to push it on me. He keeps making hints for me to do more for him sexually and it just disgusts me with the thought of it. Now more than ever I've been thinking about girls and I feel wrong for doing it seeing as I'm with him but when I think about us doing stuff I seem grossed out compared to the thought of me doing it with a girl. I think I may need to break up with him even though I don't want to. Four months ago I felt the same way and we broke up for a bit, but I wouldn't face the possibility that I may not be able to be in a relationship with a boy and once I missed him as a friend I got back with him two weeks later. I feel like especially after that I can't turn around and say that I think I'm a lesbian. Does anyone have any ideas or have you gone through something similar??!!? Thanks so much for any help, I know it's probably best for both of us if we end this but I don't want to hurt him :tears:
First off, breathe. It's going to be okay. You say you're sexually attracted to women and you really like this guy but not sexually, correct? If you're romantically attracted to both women and men but only want to have sex with women then you're a Biromantic Lesbian. (Sorry if this is confusing. I get confused with this stuff myself). ---------- Post added 13th Aug 2016 at 08:23 PM ---------- As for the break up part. Sex, whether you like it or not, is a big part of relationships. It's the ultimate expression of love you can show somebody. You boyfriend seems, as we say in America, pretty revved up. He wants a sexual relationship which you just can't do for him. I'm sorry but it'll be best in the long run to break it off. Before he forces something that you don't want. I hope everything works out for you and you have a happy life.
In my opinion, now matter what the circumstances are, if you're not happy in a relationship, then it's best to think about breaking up and other options. It doesn't sound like you are happy with the guy at all, and would much rather pursue women. So you're best bet is probably to just end it with him now, especially if he has been pressuring you into sexual situations that you don't want to be a part of. You don't have to give him a reason (if you tell him while breaking up that you've realized you're a lesbian, he may take it as "she hated me so much she doesn't like men anymore" which probably isn't the case and would just lead to a messy discussion, so probably avoid that), just say you don't fit. You can ask to still be friends or that you're more comfortable as friends, though he may need a little bit of time before picking up communication again, and that's okay. It'll help for you to be able to take a deep breath, accept your sexuality, and move forward. There are plenty of women out there who can make you happy and comfortable. You can get through this.
I used to be with a kind of pushy guy like that ages ago, I just wasn't into it and needless to say it didn't last long and I left rather than giving in. For a relationship to work, both parties need to be "on the same page" so to speak. I think the others have already summed it up pretty nicely, so I won't go into detail. Hoping it all works out for ya!
Thanks for all the help guys, I think that what you've all been saying about the break up is right I've just been trying to avoid that and deny myself for ages because it seemed like what some other people wanted. It may take me a while to accept myself but I think the first step may be to get out of a relationship I'm uncomfortable in
BTW, just asking, have you had any sexl exposure to guys? You may feel grossed out in theory but enjoy in practice. Not saying you're not this or that, just asking.
Yeah I hated it and was bored and grossed out, I thought that might be the case too I think I may have been hoping it was.
I have been in your shoes, except it was my husband of three years. I also thought I was bisexual for many years until I realized i had no more desire for men. It was tough at first, I realized this myself and didn't come out until 6 months down the road. It messed with my marriage (not that is was perfect to begin with), but one I did come out, last month, he did not take it well. We are currently getting a divorce and going our separate ways. I was so hurt and emotional from his reaction, especially because he had cheated on me and done other things, and I still stayed, but he couldn't say with me because, he "didn't want to live a lie or have to be insecure for the rest of the marriage" Ironic, right?! Well the good news is that I am way happier now that i have found myself and that I am out-ish. I feel like I can finally live life the way I want and be a happier mother and individual. Good luck hun, I am here if you ever need support or advice.
I'm sorry to hear that story I think the best thing would be to be kind and honest with him, and to tell him that you're afraid to lose him as a friend but also accept that it might come to that. Also don't pressure yourself into doing things with him that he wants but you don't. Make sure you put your feelings first and respect them. I hope it works out
Thanks for all the support! I was pretty certain I was a lesbian but seeing as he was the first guy I felt close to I think my mind kind of went like 'maybe I can make it work' and I've worked myself into knots since then. I'm kind of happy but also upset by the fact that people can relate to this situation
During the questioning stage of sexuality a person goes through, it's alright to not have it all figured out at first. When you do break it off with this guy, you don't have to jump right back on the dating horse. Take some time to figure out who you are. Experiment. Get to know yourself. Everything is going to be great. All you have to do is be free.
Let me ask you a question. You mentioned that he was kind of pushy about sex. How did that make you feel? Because you said he was the first guy you felt comfortable with but you seem to be saying that him pressuring you into sex was not okay. Do you think that might be why you didn't enjoy it? Also, did you question the idea of being bisexual less when you met this guy?
He only really started getting pushy after we first had sex and I hated it that time. Also being with him really made me think I was bi as I wasn't into guys before but was with him, that was until sex started coming up though
It's your body and he should NOT make you do ANYTHING you don't want to do. If he is trying to push something like sex on you then he is just using you and he doesn't deserve you. I'd break up with him, if I were you.
Despite what others are saying in this thread, it does sound like you're a lesbian. If he wasn't pushy would you still like the idea of sex? Something tells me the answer is no.
Yeah I was thinking that even as I typed it out cos it all seemed gross to me and I didn't want to write it down. I personally find a guys goodies disgusting no offence any males on this thread.
Well, I find lady bits gross too sometimes, but it varies depending on the girl. I think the mot important thing you've said is how he treats you and how you feel about sex. No one should be pushing you to have sex. It's an important part of a relationship, and to be fair I certainly don't think you should be actively trying to deny him sex, but if the way he is approaching you doesn't make you feel comfortable you might want to consider telling him that and go from there. He at least needs to understand your discomfort.
