serious anxiety

Ive gone though this in the past I was just stuck in monotony, I pulled myself out of it by focusing myself into my artwork, or biking. It was just little mundane things to keep my mind busy, but its therapeutic. I slip into depression, aloneness, and having panic attacks from time to time, But its defiantly less now that im focusing on some random creative activity or exercise. I embrace my bad times, its lead me to my realization that im not straight a couple of weeks back.

 

It helps when you give a reason why...
But since you've just come out to everyone and you'd been feeling so good maybe there's something else that is bothering you.

 

Hi there!


If you're lonely, do something about it. Go to a gay bar, some kind of queer straight alliance, or somewhere. It doesn't have to be gay people or even bi. If you're lonely and want to make new friends you gotta go out and do something. Unlike those horrendously numerous, unfathomably evil and impossibly persistent girl scouts, friends don't usually come knocking door to door. You could try therapy too.

 

....to add to the above: If you're nervous about meeting people, maybe you know some girls that would go with you somewhere where you can be around other gay people. I realize you're lonely...but I think the pressure is coming from the fact that you feel you need to meet someone right away. I would say go out a few times with people you know and are comfortable around and just get used to being in a more gay environment.

Also...know that you are not alone in all this....it's stressful stuff, but you'll get through it and someday you're gonna look back on all this and....well, maybe not laugh....but you'll definitely be proud of how far you've come.

 

I think ive been alone so long im not noticing it anymore. I know its not a cure for loneliness but i keep myself busy with various message boards(like this one now) to keep myself in contact with people, Its not a permanent fix, but it keeps me from not thinking about it.

 

yea, u may just b lonely. nothing that meeting new ppl cant fix! and im sure youll have tons of guys eating out of the palm of your hand!

 

This isn't a sentence anyone should write:

"from the first beer this morning i felt my depression getting worse."

If you're depressed, you shouldn't be drinking, and you sure as hell shouldn't be talking about "the first beer this morning". Remember - alcohol is a depressant. Drinking alcohol when you're depressed is like sipping espresso to try to calm down - it ain't gonna help any. So first off, lay off the drinking.

Second, attack your anxiety head-on. Ask yourself, "What specifically am I worried about? What do I fear will happen?" Try to imagine a worst-case scenario, and think about how likely it is to happen. Try to decide if your anxiety or fear is a logical fear, or if you're possibly "overreacting". I don't mean you should wave it away if it's the latter - I know it's not that easy. But it helps to know if your anxiety is in line with what the actual problem is.

Thirdly, do something about it. If it's loneliness getting to you, call a friend. If there's no friend available, hop online. Send one of us a PM, or jump into chat (membership has its privleges!). Let someone know you're feeling down, and you'll have ECers lining up to chat with you.

Lex

 

I agree with Lex (once again... The guys' wisdom is hard not to agree with.)
And you do have a disconcerting amount of posts which mention getting drunk, if you don't mind my saying so. And while you might feel the alcohol helps, all it does is postpone the feeling of anxiety, while not solving anything.

I do think the best solution is to tackle it frontally. Go to a gay gathering of some sort and see hot there are other hot and available guys out there. Go out with your friends (preferably relatively sober) and see how none of your fears come true. That should help a bit. I know it helped for me, despite panick attacks on the first night I went out after coming out.

 

Well, coming out is a pretty major event, overall, and for a lot of people it throws them into a state of not knowing how the heck they fit in the world. You've talked before about being scared of gay people (based on stereotypes) and presuming that you won't fit into any kind of gay culture, that kind of thing. So basically you're facing some pretty serious anomie (I'm in sociology, can you tell? :lol

It will take a while to figure out how to be comfortable integrating the new(er) aspect of you into your life. The thing is, in most cases, coming out can be as big or as small a deal as you'd like it to be. But yes, apart from the thing about not drinking if you're feeling emotionally unstable to begin with, it will definitely help if you can actually develop some friendships with some gay people. Or new people who are gay-friendly.

Coming out definitely doesn't solve everything overnight--it's not unusual for it to be the first step in a longer process. But it can be a pretty fun process.

 

First of all, I know how Irish you and your family is, so Happy St Patty's Day. And i'm happy your first beer was in the morning! (as was mine lol). All Irish aside, I have been (and continue to) go through the same thing myself. When I used to go out with all my friends, I would get really self-conscious that I was one of the few single ones in the group or how lost I felt because I felt couldn't tell anyone about being gay. So i'd get really drunk to try and ease myself and end up fighting with myself. All anyone else saw was me getting really drunk and cranky. But who likes to go drinking with an angry drunk guy.

Last year I gave up drinking. I gave it up for about 5 months. In the end, not sure if it really did anything for me other than fewer fights with myself in my head. But we'll never know. I have been socially drinking again and doing the normal stuff with my friends. We all went away for St Patty's day this year and for the first time while drinking, I didn't get angry with myself. Not sure if it was group of people I was with or the fact that I'm finally getting more comfortable with myself.

As far as being lonely, I'm there too. Never had a relationship and would really love to find one. But I surround myself with my friends and family to fill that void until I can find my other half. So when I feel lonely or down, I call/txt my friends just to hang or talk to. Whether they know i'm out or not. It can be very discouraging at times, trust me. But go drinking with your soccer buds and enjoy. And dont think about yourself in a way that will bring you down. Like I said, this week was the first time Ive ever been able to do that myself (and had a blast). You have many more people you are out to. They sound like a good bunch of people, so surround yourself with them.

 

(*hug*) Oh Dan. I feel so bad i cant help bleh.

The 15 years of mindfucks by society is going to take awhile though, sadly. I had kindergarten to grade 12 of Christian schooling to get over and im still working on it. Being 100% open and honest is NEVER going to be easy, because like it or not on some level or another its going to be harder/impossible for your friends and family to FULLY understand whats going on with you. Sure, they can come close, but little fragments i think you can only understand if you have also gone through this situation (like many of us here on EC).

The shrink thing is good news! Working through problems is not exactlly ever a bad idea

And your self esteem will go up once you realize how hot a catch you are You been doing the bend and snap? 98% chance of success with an 83% chance of a dinner invitation!

 

I think it is understandable that you feel emotionnal these days. You just came out to your family and your friends. It has been a lot of stress and even if everyone is supportive I think you may need some time to adjust yourself. Starting a therapy is a good idea to help you get back on your feet. You can also join a support group.
Take care of yourself, Eleanor

 

For what it's worth, I feel the same thing sometimes. It's almost as if I need to learn to know people all over again, even the ones I already knew my whole life.
Simultaneously, I feel as if I'm horribly naked in company. Having my shields up seems to have been too much of a reflex. Somehow it seems as if I'm only now starting to feel actual emotions, after denying this to myself all my life.

It seems much like the thing straight guys go through when they hit puberty, but only ten years too late. Most of them get through it, so I suppose you and I will too, eventually