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In Or Out Does It Matter

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Paraman25, Jun 24, 2007.

  1. Paraman25

    Paraman25 Guest

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    I am somewhat new to the gay life, still very inexperienced with male to male sex. A few of you here know of my current situation with my best friend, a given some great advice on how to handle it and I appreciate it.

    But this is about me coming out or does it matter. I have always been extremely private about my personal life. It is easy here to express myself and talk because no one here knows me. However I don't see the need to come out and advertise to the world that I am gay, bi or whatever. Does it really matter? Even with the ladies I have been involved with I never talked about my relationships with others. It was between the two of us.

    Now I do understand that if my relationship with my best friend changes then of course those that need to know will know. I just feel it is on a need to know basis and no ones business really.

    What do you guys think........
     
  2. SadConfusedBandGeek

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    Personally, i think if there is someone, who doesn't "Need" to know, or i dont think they shoud know, or i just dont want to tel them. Then they dont have to know.

    its your buisness who you prefer, and honestly it doesn't matter that much so no one else really needs to know. so only tell who you are comfortable telling.
     
  3. Miaplacidus

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    Well, being out gives you greater chances of finding someone with "more in common" but in my opinion, it's pretty much useless besides that.

    Of course, what I said is not a minor benefit, it is a HUGE benefit.
     
  4. wtinal

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    I think, for me, coming out to my closest friends has more to do with being able to talk openly with them. The fact I am gay, in my opinion, is only a tiny portion of who I am. It is not something that is even a part of most conversations. But, if my close friends or family ask me what I am doing or if I am dating or something along those lines, I no longer want to feel obligated to "leave out the details". And if I do find someone to spend the rest of my life with or even date seriously, I would want my closest friends and family to already know. I think it would be harder for them to accept that I am gay AND that I have a serious partner. Beyond those closest to me, I don't think it is any of their business. If it somehow comes up or something, I am choosing to no longer lie or make excuses or fail to engage in conversations about gay "politics", but otherwise, who I love or who I look at is no one else's business.
     
  5. beckyg

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    I think alot of people feel like you until say your rights are on the line in some ballot measure and then you just have to say "I'm gay and these are MY rights you are voting on!" I think that brings alot of people out and open!
     
  6. Jim1454

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    I think it depends on how comfortable you are with yourself, and how close you are to your friends and family. I can see it not being an issue - one way or the other - depending on your personal situation.

    For me, now that I've come to terms with who I am, I can't help but feel there is a bit of a wall between me and my friends and family. There's an important fact about me that they don't know, and while 'what they don't know won't hurt them' I somehow feel incomplete.

    I still haven't told them, but I expect to some day...
     
  7. Jamie

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    In truth mate that's exactly right... your sexuality is a part of you but it's not all that you are. If you want to join a relationship without the need to spell out for the person what your sexuality is and without the emotional baggage then perhaps you're a better man for it.
     
  8. 24601

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    Coming out allows you to have freedom in what you say, and is a really liberating feeling. At least it was for me. But the area I live in is quite accepting. Another good thing about coming out is, since then, I've found at least 2 other people in my school who are also gay! Sure, it doesn't matter. You can stay closeted, and no one will care. But it's a great way to meet new people, and to just be yourself. In the end it's up to you what you do, though. If you feel privacy is better suited to you, then by all means, privacy should be your number one priority. No one has a right to know anything about you that you don't want them to know!

    All that being said, with regard to this matter, I'm happier now than when I was closeted, if you want some personal experience.
     
  9. SpikySpice

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    If you are out, you can start to feel the real energy is building up inside you that can give you more strength and confident, because coming out has trained you to be brave and not hesistating. It makes you feel proud of yourself. But yet you got some enemies, like those who are against homosexual, and tehy can hate you, BUT you can have strength to get over it. But you know, sometimes there are people who are upset cuz they came out

    Being in sometimes make you feel uncomfortable and depress, because to me it is like living in lie, can make you upset you. But you can feel safe like hiding in a closets or under a rock, because you can feel safe.

    But as thru my experience, in or out dont change my life much, because when you lost your old friends, and you can still find new friends

    So being in or out could be both benefit , but also can be bad, based on your enviroments, families, friends. But the important thing is you have to expect for any outcomes, so you can overcome all your emotions when it suddenly happen to you, things are always beyond our imagination