Domestic Violence

I literally cried when i started to read this

That is so sad for the exact reason you said "How am i going to trust him again". I dont want to make things worse, but thats scary that just because you were tierd and not fully listening to him he somehow took that as a reason to PUNCH the wall and scream?

I would try and work things out of course, but in my mind HE needs to re-earn your trust. So i think he should prove it, if he still wants to be with you. Maybe let things cool over first, clear minds are the only way to approach things like this, then try some in-direct conversation about it. Dont back yourself into a corner, always have an escape route if the convo goes south (i dont know too much about your situation, but that story was scary. i wouldent go to him in person for awhile) so a good way id think would be phone or internet?

Make sure you find out what started the fight, why he blew up in the first place that is. It seems you really have no clue, so maybe there is something that could give some sort of logical reasoning to why he did what he did? But at least he didn't press charges? thats good right?

Well honey, im sorry i dont know too much about the topic (*hug*) but im here, im listening, and i care?

 

Wow....that must have been so terrifying for you. I have to say I've never been in a position with a partner like that, however I have with my best friend's boyfriend. My friend and him had had a fight and he ended up throwing her to the ground and she ran to my house. He came to my front door and was banging the place down, so I called the police. There was alcohol involved and he was very apologetic the next day. But it took my friend a long time to even consider talking to him again.

I think you'll have to take this one step at a time. I think the saddest thing of all this is that he has really damaged your ability to trust someone. And that will take sometime to repair itself. You did the right thing leaving when you did....I'm the same as you in that I have a zero tolerance for that kind of environment.

I stand with Greg here when I say, I'm listening and I care. Take care boredofnormalxxx

 

You havn't over reacted at all.
You did the exact thing you should have.
Kept calm and left.
That was the best thing to do.

I'm sorry this happened to you, have you spoke to any friends about it?
It'd be for the best.

I think you should talk to him.
But in a public place.
Meet for a coffee or something.

See what happened and why he blew.

(&&&)

 

As silly as this might sound, congratulations - a lot of people find it incredibly hard to physically get away if a partner starts to act violent towards them. You've done absolutely the right thing. Have you told any friends or family about what's happened? I'd say it's important that at least somebody (in real life) knows what's happened. As people have said, if you want to speak to him to try and understand what's on his mind and why he acted like that, do so in a public place where you can leave immediately if need be.

 

Hey Tim I am sorry you went through this. (*hug*)(*hug*) You did the right thing and left. Now one should ever put up with this. You should talk to him to see why this happened. However I would talk to him in a safe place.

 

I fell so sorry for you :icon_sad: but you have done exactly the right thing. I agree with the others, if you want to talk to him to figure out what happened, do it in a public place and tell someone you can trust about where you are just to be safe.
My personal opinion is that, whatever reason he could have to act like this, this is not acceptable and you'd better break up with him (even if it hurts).
Once again, this is only my personnal opinion, and I'm not saying I'm very rationnal about the subject. It touches me a lot : my sister in law have been involved in a relationship with a violent man and at some point it has affected everyone in our family ( it ended in a trial).
I send you many (*hug*),
Take care, Eleanor

 

Good job.

 

I think you did exactly the right thing. I'm too impressed. Too many times ppl believe the line "it'll never happen again." Though he'll probably throw those exact words at you if you give him long enough, don't believe him. If he did it once, he'll do it again; such is the nature of people. He has some serious stuff he needs to work out and you shouldn't have to be in the middle of him doing that.

I'm really glad that he, at least at first, channeled his aggression towards the wall and not you, but he showed enough hostility towards you that the next time he wigs out, he might start with your face- not end with it.

I think now that you've gotten out, you should stay out... and it's ok that it's going to be hard to trust for a while. That's understandable. Trust will come with time, but don't be afraid to love again. He may have been a jerk... but there are good guys out there for sure...

I'm sorry that this happened to you, but I'm sure you'll be stronger for it.

 

>>>How am I going to trust him again?
Am I overreacting?
Should I try to work it out with him?

You're not. You're not. And no.

It's not clear what caused him to flip out, but whatever it was, I'm happy it happened before you totally got your life intertwined with his. At least you were able to leave, and you were able to get out without injury. But now comes the tough part - moving on.

I don't know how long you two had been together, but presumably, it'd been at least long enough to consider moving in together. And it's tough to simply "call it all off". But really, that's your only option. You don't owe him any explanation. Just block his number, drop his contact from your phone and IM, and move on. Take some time to be by yourself for awhile. Take comfort in your friends and family for awhile, stock up on alone time, and eventually, you'll be ready to start dating again.

Lex

 

This is exactly what I'm thinking !

 

Take care of yourself, Eleanor

 

I hope you feel much better tomorrow tim (*hug*)

Fill us in with any updates! I hope something good can come out of this terrible situation. Diamond from coal type of thing If not i just really hope you get out of thing emotionally in tact. I know if this ever happened to me id be in a padded cell sigh. Im proud of how brave your handling the situation! Even just talking about it is a huge step

 

TIM!!!

Just when I was wondering what you've been up to and where you've been, I open up this post of yours and find out!!

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened. The scariest part of the incident (to me) is that it seemed like an out-of-the-blue thing, like something in him snapped. Believe me, I lived with something similar for 12 years (it was my wife). My boys and I never knew when something seemingly trivial would set off a storm of screaming, yelling, and throwing things, forcing us to get in the car and take off. I even have physical scars from some of her hair-trigger tirades.

Also, I went through something somewhat similar with a guy I was dating shortly after I came out (about a year ago). I too was in a position where I found myself suddenly afraid, wondering what the hell caused the outburst, and how I was going to get out of it.

My advice to you is somewhat moot, as judging from your updates in this thread, you're already doing what I would suggest.

Just remember: you (like me) have been through a long, hard and confusing journey to get where you are in your life now. Hopefully what you've been through (the whole coming out process) has given you 'renewal' and made you feel like you're starting a whole new life. If that's even REMOTELY the case... don't settle for anything less than the best and DON'T LET ANYONE TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU.

Finally, your guy has some serious issues that were there before you and will remain after you've moved on. Don't for a second allow this instance to put a cloud over your newly found inner peace and fabulous gayness!!! HUGS and good wishes, I send your way!!!!!!!!

 

I am very sorry you had to go through that. From your later posts, it seems clear that you realize you did the right thing. There are many people, men and women, who stay in abusive relationships. The cycle of domestic violence is all too common, and I saw way too many people wind up dead or seriously injured because they did not leave.

http://www.turningpointservices.org/Domestic Violence - Cycle of Violence.htm

 

I share these sentiments as well. Don't settle for anything less than the best. Because the most amazing guy is out there waiting for you to meet him. Your friend sounds like he's having a very difficult time right now, and he needs to get help. But it needs to come from a professional - not from you.

Stay in touch. I'm sorry this happened, but I'm glad you're all right! (*hug*)