So I got incredibly drunk the other night and have a very fragmented memory. I remember coming out to an old friend I hadn't seen in a long time. I feel embarrassed for being a mess, as I frequently do and know it's something I need to work on. And worried that I don't remember the lead up to him congratulating me, like absolutely no idea how I got to talking about it. Drinking has always allowed me to escape my anxiety over my sexuality which has plagued me for years. But I don't feel embarrassed for telling him. He didn't care, I don't care what he thinks, he can tell anyone for all I care (which feels liberating. So far on from when I was petrified of anyone finding out). And if it wasn't for the alcohol I wouldn't have told him, which would've been a shame. We texted the next day but I didn't mention it, probably should've said "thanks for being cool about what I told you", oh well. The first friend I told about my questioning, I shut us in my room when we were getting ready to go out and wouldn't let us go down and join the others until I told her. I had to down a couple of drinks to do so. It was the most nerve-wracking thing I've ever done. And when I told my best friend it was over text and whilst a bit drunk too. Is it bad to be needing alcohol? And to feel too awkward to bring it up the next day? I'm such a private person by nature. But I feel ready to tell more and more people. I'm planning to tell another close friend tomorrow in the way of: "I've always felt different. When I finally meet someone I don't think it will be a guy. I'm interested in women, maybe that will change but it's how I feel now and I need to pursue it."
It's probably not the best way, but thats how I came out to the few people that I have. 3 people 3 different days and I was fairly intoxicated every time. Coming out to my brother who I live with was hard but so so worth it, I no longer have to hide who I am around him its great. The two friends I came out to abandoned me within a couple weeks but eh screw em I guess I overestimated our 5 year friendship Coming out to people you care about is hard, its a very personal thing to talk about and you never really know how someone will react.
I'm sorry about those two friends, maybe they weren't who you thought they were. And thats great you don't have to hide around your brother! I do not feel ready to tell my parents, but I keep dropping hints. I think I'd be comfortable telling my brother and a couple of other friends if the topic comes up. And in the meantime I need to not get so drunk. But I don't want to punish/hate myself for doing so.
I don't see how it could be a bad thing if you feel comfortable with it later when you are sober. The only potential problem I see is if someone is homophobic they might be more vocal about it, but hey at least then you will know what they truly think. I would still bring it up the next day if you can, or if nothing else, the next time you drink with them. I am sure you will feel more open to talking about it sober once you have talked about it at length when drunk. Then again I am from a country with a culture which encourages people to get totally trashed on weekends to talk about problems with friends, so I might have a slightly skewed viewpoint on this. :lol:
Thanks, I wish I brought it up the next day but I just didn't. And I feel ~1 week on now is a bit weird to be like "I do remember what I told you though, and thanks", like, whats the point? Do you think I should? Yes, England is much the same! On the plus side, I came out to another close friend today!!! We've been friends for 10 years, have fought, grown apart but still friends. And it went the best as any have so far, and I'd only had one drink!!! I'm still surprised that I did it, even though I had predicted that I would. I'd planned to tell my brother earlier today and I just couldn't bring it up. But I knew she'd ask if there'd been any boys. And this time, randomly she said "or girls...?" and then it was so effortless from there. She was quite shocked but was so supportive and caring. It felt SO great. Making it ~9 or 10 friends that know. I want to tell my brother. But I just can't bring it up unless someone brings up the topic of dating or boys. And my family know I've never had any news and that I hate talking about dating, so they don't ask. It's like a brick wall. But now I'm ready to say. I'll say bye to my brother for a few months, and I want to give him a letter. I feel like a failure if I can't do it face to face, but I also want to tell him to progress. Is a letter a cop out?
