I think I’ve just managed to confuse myself again; which is really inconvenient. So, for the past 6 months I’ve been totally convinced that I’m completely gay; in that time I’ve pretty much only kissed three guys and they were all accidents(that actually sounds like quite a lot )-I’ve known I’m actually not straight for like 5 years maybe-but I was kind of confused and a bit distracted because my mum died and then both of my grans died in the space of 3 years and I went a bit crazy-so I had to deal with that first. So now I’m not a complete lunatic anymore I kind of have been trying to talk to my (narcissistic, self-involved) best friend about it for about a month, which hasn’t really gone to plan. I’ve told one person like 2 weeks ago that I’m most probably gay with the odd heterosexual tendency -shes great, but had a breakdown last week and is now on anti-depressants and has dropped out of uni-so I think it would be fairly selfish to whinge at her about this-definitely unhelpful in any case. So, I guess that’s a bit of a side issue, I’m in the process of writing my bestie an email, so I can get all my points out (I have bullet points and everything). But I’ve sort of lost track of what I was going to say because my best guy friend told me he was completely in love with me last month (he has a girlfriend and I also work with him, awkward). This happens to me all the time; every male friend I have does this, it’s not really an unusual occurrence; and I totally didn’t feel the same way at all about him until yesterday: then we had a moment. Now I’m actually super confused and this has scuppered my plans. I basically, just don’t really know what to think or do-this is really unfortunate and fairly unhelpful to my life as I was all set and fairly happy about the non-straightness. I’m also one of those annoying girls who messes people around massively-and I don’t want to do this with him because I totally love him; and he is the driving force in me not being crazy anymore. This is a massive mess…and it made me cry at work today which was sort of embarrassing-I couldn’t even tell anyone what was wrong. Ha! Ok so four questions: 1) Do I bother telling my best friend at the moment? 2) What do I tell her? 3) Do I tell him (anything)? 4) What do I say? (I think he needs to get over me-we hang out every day and he sits opposite me at work)
1) Yes, I think it's always good to have someone you can whine to. At least tell them the basics. 2) That you are pretty sure you're gay, end of story. You hope you can still be friends. 3) I wouldn't bother unless he doesn't back off. 4) I would offer you advice, but I've never dated, soo...
1. Sure! You just change what you tell her a little bit. 2. You can tel, her that you're confused, but do know that you're not completely straight, whatever you are. You can also ask for advice on what to do with this guy friend of yours. 3. I think you have to tell him something. 4. Perhaps the best way to stop him from moving forward while you figure things out is to tell him that you're confused right now. You don't want to raise his hopes, but you need some time just to think, and you're sorry.
1) If its your best friend go ahead. You shouldn't have anything to lose but don't feel that you absolutely have to. There's no need to come out. Nor is anyone really expecting you. Do it when you feel comfortable. 2) Who? 3) If he's announced his feelings for you don't leave them blown away in the wind. Tell him, be honest, truthful, and respectful. He is your co-worker, and it would help make things less awkward but if hes a good friend I think you owe it to him. If not telling him you're gay, tell him you're not interested at least. 4)I just answered that above.
Hey Sophie...sounds as if you're in a bit of a predicament. Just take it slowly and dont think about it all at once. I cant tell you if you should come out to your friend or not. Obviously you consider her a good friend, although she's a bit self involved. Do you think she would support you? If so then you should tell her, because it sounds like you need someone to confide in. But sometimes your best friend isnt necessarily the right person to come out to at first. I know for me, it wouldnt be. One of my best mates is an awesome girl, but she's very homophobic, especially towards lesbians. I know that when I tell her about myself she will accept me in the end, but its going to take her some time (she's also a bit narcissistic). I want to come out to people who I know will be OK with it at first.....then move onto the more challenging! About the bloke. It sounds like you are super confused about how you feel about him. I personally think you dont sound convinced with the feelings you have towards him. If thats the case then you should definitely not experiment with him, I think he's too much of a friend to you...and he deserves more than that. Tell him that you love him, but not in the way he wants you to. You dont necessarily have to tell him about your sexuality, but thats entirely up to you. Good luck matexxx
