I can't believe I'm saying it. But I'm married to a man (5 years now) and I'm a lesbian and I really just need someone to talk to, some help, advice. I'm a 25 year old veteran and I met my husband in the military. I've always had a desire to be with a woman. But religion and family rejection terrified me into staying away or keeping things like that secret. Now here I am with two children that I love, a wonderful husband but I feel bad because I don't feel attracted to him like that and I don't know what to do. I want to be true to myself, tell everyone I know that I like women and I don't believe it means I'm going to hell.. but I don't want to lose my mother, my siblings, the respect of those I love so much. But what do I do? Go on with the lie?
Whilst I'm not qualified to provide much distinctive advice, I would recommend you find a good setting to discuss this with your husband, however hard it may be It is for the best that a clear line of communication be present in the relationship.
I would not go on living like that, it's no way to live and you will not be happy. I believe the best thing you can do is just have a conversation with him privately and tell him everything. But know, it is not your fault, a lot of people go through this. As far as your mother and siblings, I'd talk to your mom face to face about it as well. It's rough, but living the lie just isn't worth it. In the long run, I do believe it will be better for yourself. But, it's your decision to make. Good luck!
How do you think your husband will react ? It all depends on that conversation really, if your family is that against it, to the point of disowning you, then don't tell them. Living a lie isn't really a good option, and will be hard, but losing everyone that you care about will probably be harder. If you think he will be understanding try telling him and see what he thinks ? It's a rough road coming out a bit later in life once you have your life started or built up. Big hugs (&&&)
I think the priority when you have kids is them. You didn't choose your sexuality. They didn't choose you as a parent. Maybe that sounds harsh, but I think it is important to say. So I hope you figure out your sexuality, but keep them in the front of your mind while doing so as they need you.
Being there for your kids is a separate matter than whether or not you are honest with your spouse. I kept me being gay from my wife for 26 years (20 of them in marriage). One thing I can promise you is that the longer you keep this from him the harder it will be on him and you. If your kids are really young, I think it will be better for them to grow up already having a gay parent than finding out at older ages. That's the boat I'm in. My kids are 16 and 12. If I could turn back 10 years time and come out when they were 6 and 2, I would do it. People say on here a lot to think of your children. That's good advice. Part of thinking about them also includes your well being. They should have a mother who is healthy mentally, emotionally and physically. Whatever you decide to do, know that we are all here for you.
If you are unhappy with your current way of life, you are allowed to change. You are allowed to live as your true self. Religion & family expectatiations does not define who you should be & do not let it shame you from fulfilling your happiness. I think obtaining that happiness outweighs all the challenges you will face. Yes, it is scary to think that your family, who took care of you & loved you, will be against who you are. But if they truly care about your happiness, they will accept you as you are. Life's a compilation of risks. Do you dare to be yourself or put on a facade & keep yourself hidden away? We have just one life, we need to cater to our own happiness. This is sort of a different topic: are you happy in your marriage? Does your husband supply your needs? In a relationship stand-point, it would be overwhelming to hear that the person who thought loved all of you actually did not. Your husband could react in two ways: he could be accepting & understanding of the situation or he could completely be outraged, feel betrayed, & be in denial. I think you are already aware of that. If you are going live "out & proud", there will be dramatic changes in your life but do not be afraid of these changes if it means that it is one step to be happy with yourself. You will find so much love among the people who are supportive of you. You matter, your feelings matter.
