I have rescently come to terms with knowing that I am gay. I have known for a long time, but have rescently just realised that I need to make it public. I realised this when i knew myself that i was unhappy that i have never fealt love for anyone else (non family and friend love). I have never even really had a proper girlfriend as i was afraid i would be exposed when i would need to perform if you know what i mean. Thing is though, there is no way in hell i can do it. here is why. Parents: Mom: I am quite close to my mom and she loves me very much. She is the most likey person that i can come out to, but like alot of others, im scared of losing her. all through my life whenever i do any sort out of ordinary thing, my mom always says "now dont scare me *******, you make me think your gay or something". I know this is only a joke because she sees me as a heterosexual, but what if its not. Im afraid of being dishoned from her though because she once threw my dad in jail for crossing the line with her. I feel that if i only tell her now that im gay, she will see this as a betrayal and hate me for it. Dad: My dad is a different story. we wouldnt be as close as i am with my mom, but he does show affection for me, like how he is so proud of me and that he could not have hoped for me to have turned out to be any better. In his own life though, he is a big anti "fag" person as he likes to call other oriented people like i am. I remember once that he would not even go to dinner with my grandmother(straight) once because she had a gay male couple allong with her. My friends: In the past few years, i have moved multiple times, so i have never really had a long time friend. Im also a very closed off person (I try and act strong and stay quiet instead of attracting attention) so even the friends i do have, i would not really have any that i would feel comfortable coming out to. I also feel really uncomfortable confronting any of them because we rescentlyhad an aquaintance come out . Since then, no one talks to him. Even though im closed off, being outcasted like a paraiah to me is worse than death. They are also the sort of people that make gay jokes to others as a way of slagging...... if they only knew. My biggest fear is that they will then no longer see me as me. they will see me only as the "gay friend", even though im no different from what i was before...... if they still talk to me after that is. Im sorry this is so long, but i have NEVER uttered a word of this untill now, from fear of being revealed.(thats 8 years of bottling it up) My username is LEOs curse because I see this as a curse. Why should i be faced with this dylema. from the day i was born, I would have to make this step and live as an outcast of others. I did not want to be born this way. These are not issues that i should have to deal with. The leo comes from feeling like a lone lion disregarded from the pride. I always thought that i could live through life with this curse, but now i see that i wont hold up. being gay has also made me completely lose any faith in religion (not that i had any in the first place) PS: im not a feminine gay guy. So i suspect that no one would suspect me to be gay. Im sorry if i sound selfish or gloomy. Im quite positive in other matters.
Duh never put a question. I guess what i want to know if anyone else can relate to any of those positions or have any advice.
u should take your time to come out and only to ppl who u htink will handle it well. as for your parents, i think that theyll still love you even after u tell them. and especially dont worry about your mom- mine said the exact same things too but it turned out better than i thought when she found out. stay strong, and welcome to EC!
I think you'd be amazed by how many people on this site could relate to your predicament. It's never easy coming out to people, I'm out to most people I know; almost everyone except family. I completely understand what you are saying about being outcast. I ended up in that situation for a few years after word got 'round at school about what I was. I lost almost all my friends, and I only wish I'd found this website then, rather than last month now that everything is pretty much peachy. It is very difficult to see people who you once considered friends taunt and bully you because of your sexuality. I would not recommend telling your friends at the moment, and if you do, don't suddenly announce it to all of them. I find (for some reason) that womenfolk are more accepting of gays than guys are. So if you have a close (or fairly close) female friend, they would be the person to tell. From what I can see of your situation, you are bursting to let somebody know that you're gay, but I wouldn't go shouting it from the rooftops just yet. Maybe tell your mother if you feel up to it, I know I want to tell mine. She seems to be the more accepting of your parents and I don't think she would kick you out or anything, but again, she is your mother, not mine so I obviously don't know. It doesn't happen that often though.
Welcome to EC! Lots to cover, so lemme see what I can get to. First off, your friends. If one were to ask your friends, "Why are you friends with Leo?", we'd probably get a bunch of responses. "He's fun." "He makes me laugh." "I can share things with him." "I have fun with him." Not a single one of them will say "I like Leo because he's straight." And whatever it is they like you for will remain after it's know that you're gay. But here's the bit that worries me. "I also feel really uncomfortable confronting any of them because we rescentlyhad an aquaintance come out . Since then, no one talks to him." Specifically, you said "no one talks to him". Not "no one but me talks to him". In short, it seems you're not talking to him anymore, either. Really? Even though you most likely know precisely what he's going through right now? You'd rather cast your lot with the "cool kids"? You don't say how old you are, and there's not much clue in your post. I'm guessing (hoping, actually) that you're still in school. If that's the case, then I don't see any trouble staying in the closet until you're out of school. Especially if your fellow students tend to belittle gay students, and your parents are going to have issues with it. But if you're out of school, you're also out of excuses. That's when you have to start living life under your terms, and that involves being who you are, without excuses. Being gay is not a curse. Being surrounded by homophobes is. But that's fixable. You can get up and move somewhere where there aren't a bunch of homophobic people around. You can stop hanging around people who drag you down, and start hanging around people who help prop you up. Because being gay can completely and utterly kick ass. Trust me on that one. Lex
Hey Leo Please dont feel that you are alone in this, because you really arent. There are so many people on this site who are in exactly the same position as you, myself included. The way I'm looking at it is I'm going to take it one step at a time. You've made the first step by coming out to yourself and even joining an internet forum. Thats a huge step and you should be pleased with that. The next part is coming out to just one person. That person doesnt have to be your mom and it doesnt have to be anyone of your friends (although if you know someone who you feel wont judge you, then tell them first). Go into the yellow pages and find an LGBT phoneline, or look for an LGBT community support group in your area, or speak to one of your favourite teachers/ ex-teachers (not sure if you're still at school, or at uni, or working?). Then work up the courage to tell one of them first. Dont feel alone. If I'm honest I've spent many a night crying about being trapped with what I saw as a curse. It's taken me a long time to realise that this is just who I am, and why should I hate this part of myself....life is too short for that. Being gay is difficult...you have to overcome so many more hurdles than the average person. But dont hate yourself for it and dont wish to be different. Everyone's an individual and you need to learn to accept yourself for who you are. It's tough but dont give up.xxx
I agree with Lex, this is an important point. But even if you don't talk to him anymore yourself, I can't begrudge you. I ceased talking to one of my friends when he came out (though, in that I was the only one. The others were OK with it). In my case the reason was jealousy, mostly. I hated him for being so open about it. He did not seem to have a lot of trouble with the notion, while despite my best efforts, I couldn't force myself to get over my own "problem". In the end, this meant I alienated the best ally I could have had in coming out. The story has a happy end, though. He did end up being the first guy I came out to. So my advice would be not to make the mistake I made. You know someone who is gay. He could be someone you could talk freely with.
went through exactly the same myself, my mum was and still is a really cool person, and although she was never openly against gays she never openly supported them either and i diddnt want to tell her in case she went against me, dads a copper and always seemed to be slightly anti gay so defo couldnt tell him, as it turns out when i did tell my parents neither of them had a problem with it, in fact my said they had already discussed the fact they thought i was gay, point is parents will generally still care for you but coming out is a hard thing to do and u have to do it when your ready and not before.
Firstly it says im 19 under my non existant avatar...... hmm i thought it did.... well im 19 anyways. Ill specify a bit more on this aquaintance of mine. we were never really friends, but we may have passed a word between each other every now and then. One day, out of nowhere, i asked how he was doing. then everyone said that he came out gay. I asked if anyone was talking to him and they said that after that, they did not hav too much contact with him. So its not really me that has stoped talking to him, since we never talked at all in the first place. You are right about the cool thing though. you could class our groop in that category. Im in college now, but its still like being at home since i have no financial freedom (covered by parents).
I have had some time to think about all the advice that you guys have given me and i thank you for it and being so supportive. I dont think im quite ready to come out yet, but I now feel i may be able to confront me sexual side and atleast talk to anonymous people about it. I suppose this is the start of my road to understanding of ones self.
First off, hi there and welcome to EC! We're glad you're here. : ) Secondly, you know how a few people have said that there on others on this site in the same predicament? Well, my friend, I'm one of them. ^^ From what I gather, I understand you. Perfectly. I am 20 myself, in college and am not finanically free. I am also very close with my mom and feel that she would be disappointed, hurt, and possibly angry if I told her I was gay. Like your dad, my step dad and I have a good relationship but he express anti-gay sentiment in the home. As for my friends, I share your 'they won't see me as me' 'only as the gay friend' feeling. And if that wasn't enough, I have also lost my faith (even though I was raised Catholic) and I am a Leo (July, baby!) to boot! I'm telling you, I understand! I can't say I have any advice, because I too am working through these same issues. I can tell you however, that I've been here on EC, I've come to terms with my sexuality personally. Before here, I was out to no one. Yesterday, I changed my Facebook status to 'Interested in Women'. : ) In a rather short time EC has helped me, though I still wonder if I'll ever come out to my parents any time soon. Maybe after I move out hm? ^.^; Everyone goes at there own pace. I guess what I'm trying to say is I hope you stick around, and if you'd like to chat, feel free to leave a message on my Wall. Good luck my friend and fellow Leo. ~ Melissa
