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Coming out to best friend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by curiousmind, Aug 25, 2016.

  1. curiousmind

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    I have been tossing around the idea in my head to come out to my best friend. I've known him for an extremely long time and I already tell him everything but the fact that I'm attracted to both guys and girls. Its not that I think he'd push me away or anything, I pretty much know for a fact he wouldn't care. We've had more than one conversation about how we'd react if one of our friends came out and he's always said he wouldn't care but that if it was me he'd be mad that I felt the need to lie. I'm just a real closed off person and I have never ever let anyone know too much about me or get too close. I don't know why I do this I just do. Here recently though, I've been dealing with a situation with a guy I like (that's a story for another day) and I literally have no one to talk to about it or anyone to give me advice, which is why I come here. I have on a few occasions tried to get advice from him about said guy I like but I never mention gender and I'm sure he pretty much knows the whole situation other than the fact that I'm telling him about a guy. I really just want to be able to be open and honest with him and I feel I need to let all this weight off my shoulders but I am absolutely petrified at the idea of him knowing. I feel like I'm having a panic attack when I think about me coming out to him. I just wonder if this is normal and is there any advice for this situation? And what is the best way to come out? I feel like I should do it in person but I haven't seen him in person in over a year. We text just about everyday and talk on the phone often.
     
  2. Linus

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    It sounds to me like you've already decided. Don't think about going back. Rethinking will only make it harder. (That's how it was for me that is.)

    If you feel like doing it in person rather than over the phone, it might be convenient to skype him. If you want him to have fore notice, you can text him telling him that you have something important to say, and would like to either Skype, phone, or, talk to him in person. There's a chance that he may already suspect, since he had the conversation about it with you before.

    There is no "best way to come out"... Everyone is different. I don't know your friend, and I don't entirely know you either.

    I can tell you this. Most people who have come out once felt the way that you are now. You are not alone. You are not the first, and you certainty won't be the last. Most people who come out feel better once they have. Those who make the conscious decision to come out are often glad that they did, and happier because of it.
    I think that you can do this.
     
    #2 Linus, Aug 25, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2016
  3. Quantumreality

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    The first person I came out to with my bisexuality was my (straight) best friend. I knew him well enough that I was sure he'd be accepting, but even so, it was a nerve-wracking experience to actually say it to him. I would have preferred to tell him in person, but he lived far enough away that that wasn't practical, so telling him on the phone was the next best option for me. (To me, texts are rather impersonal and the person on the receiving end may not even think you are serious at first.) When I told my best friend, I must have skirted around the subject for at least 10 minutes. He was patient with me, but obviously getting a bit restless since I wasn't getting to the point. (Each time I tried to tell him, my throat would literally start to tighten up.) Finally, I got it out. He paused very briefly, then laughed (gently, not maliciously) and said that it wasn't a surprise to him, that he was honored that I had told him (I am an extremely private person, too - just as you described yourself), and that it changed nothing about our friendship. Oh what a relief! Unfortunately, people are people and can always surprise you. I was SURE in my own mind that he would be accepting, but I didn't KNOW how he'd actually react until I told him. But, for me, it all worked out just fine.
    If you do end up telling him, please post to let us know how it went down. It's always useful to hear the stories.
     
  4. I'm gay

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    This is so true. You perfectly described my experience in coming out and how it can make you feel.
     
  5. curiousmind

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    I feel like I should wait until I see him again but I don't know when that will be. I definitely owe him an explanation about something that happened recently. I had a pretty bad breakdown after a night out with this guy I have a crush on. I drunkenly sent my best friend a long winded text about being in love with someone you can't have and telling him how crappy and naive I felt but when he asked me who I was talking about I couldn't explain it. I've done that more than once recently and I know he's concerned but I just keep brushing it off and changing the subject. I don't think I can keep brushing until I see him again.

    I appreciate all of your input guys and I will be updating this, hopefully soon. Hopefully we'll meet up sometime during the holiday's because I don't think I can hold it in much longer.