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Which comes first, the relationship or the bedroom?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by edogs334, Mar 18, 2009.

  1. edogs334

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    I was reading over EM68's post and wanted to pose the above question to you all. As I said in my response in the aforementioned thread, I myself am confused about which comes first. I mean, I've had experience with both situations (fooling around with someone almost right away vs getting to know them first), and I'll say both have their advantages and disadvantages. On one hand, getting straight to the (sexual) point with someone whom you're really attracted to feels great when it happens. Afterwards, however (esp. if things don't work out), one can feel as though they shared way too much of themselves with the other and made themselves too vulnerable. For me, the latter situation was like creating a deep, passionate bond with someone, only have that bond be broken shortly thereafter. On the other hand, it also sucks if you get to know someone with their clothes on for a while, but then discover that you're just not physically/sexually compatible. I mean, if you're REALLY attracted to someone, they'll look gorgeous with or without clothes, but it's those people whom you're more emotionally (than physically) attracted to who present a dilemma. So which should comes first? Any opinions would be appreciated.
     
  2. ArabMan

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    Nice post man! In my case I have an extremely hard time separating the relationship and the bedroom (or the kitchen, or the bathroom or any other place lol).

    I think relationship and sex are interlinked and go together and a relationship cannot be complete until the "bedroom" is achieved as well... So I must answer the bedroom first because then could potentially come a relationship.
     
  3. I'm the opposite, I have a hard time getting past the sex part. I'm not like a whore or anything but I'm not an emotional person. Like at all. So getting close to people like what dating requires I'm not really a fan of. So for me it's bedroom first.
     
  4. Paralyzer

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    Relationships before sex are the way to go, fer sure.

    Why?

    Well, sex is fun, but if you want I long lasting HAPPY relationship, you get to know someone first and make a bond. The ultimate goal of doing that isn't even sex, but to start something beautiful.

    If things don't work out, you can have sex if you're horny but that's a little whorish.

    To be honest, as much as I'm not fond of sex, I hate how it's so easy to get involved in and how appealing it is to me instinctively.

    Ugh, take a walk on a beach with someone you care about and compare that with having sex with them. Which made you feel better?
     
  5. Greggers

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    Relationship first for me. Im a total sucker for the emotional side of it. (Romance, Cuddling, Having someone to share with, be with, do thing with, ect. ALL the goodies of a relationship) but in ALL honestly, i cant see myself worrying about the sex so much. I have really looked deep into myself and i think im not that sexual of a person really, i really just need someone to be with and the sex can play second fiddle to that.
     
  6. Just Adam

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    i wouldent sleep with someoen without getting to know them for me its about self respect and beeing comfortable able to trust the person.
     
  7. EM68

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    Same here. I am not the type that would sleep with someone without knowing them some first.
     
  8. sdc91

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    I'd want to get to know them first, but you know... gotta take a test drive before you buy the vehicle.
     
  9. The Enigma

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    HAHAHAHa
    I totally agree.

    They may be emotionally compatible...but they sure as hell better put out too. I was going to use that analogy but you stole'd it from me. :frowning2:
     
  10. edogs334

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    Hahhaa... see, that's the thing, you never really know until you're there. I mean, I don't want to have sex with the first hot guy I see; I want to at least have dinner and/or a long conversation with someone before I sleep with them. However, it feels even more weird to draw things out, only to find you're just not met to be in bed together. :eusa_doh:
     
  11. Kirakishou

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    Get to know them first definitely, but I also agree that you shouldn't take too long... :wink:
     
  12. Rob13

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    I see the point in getting to know someone... But you also don't want to waste your time if you are not sexually compatible... What I do... well, most of the time, is flirt like hell, get interesting with them, like trying to find out what makes them tick (psychology student here), and then if I don't feel like they are another "crazy", I will do what needs to be done in order for me to figure out if I am sexually compatible with someone...

    If all goes well, it will be the start of a beautiful relationship. I feel it is necessary to be sexually compatible with someone... how else will you put up with the minor, or maybe major, problems you have with them. Sure talking helps for sure, but it is easier to get over if you have someone who is just so damn hot you have to forgive them. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    I feel my view has the possibility of changing, but, maybe it hasn't changed because I have not found my Mr. Right yet... Tehe.

    Just throwing another viewpoint out there. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Rob
     
  13. Lexington

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    With me, I found it's better to know them first. Maybe I'm just lucky, but I've never found anyone to be "incompatible" in bed with me. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  14. Hidden Angel

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    Relationship for me. It might sound old fashioned but I don't think I could have sex with someone with out being in a meaningful relationship.
     
  15. pirateninja

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    People see it differently. I mean, I have a friend at school who just goes straight into the sex. She does it safely but often, and somehow she's able to just see it as sex, as something she wants and it doesn't have to mean anything.

    And I'm precisely the opposite; I mean, sure it would really really suck if you loved someone but weren't sexually compatible, but I want more in a relationship than just sex. I really can't understand couples that are at it like rabbits every second of the day. But that's just me. I want a relationship that means something emotionally.
     
  16. Maddy

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    I'm a big fan of relationships. Having sex with someone I don't know well is just not an interesting concept for me.
     
  17. Louise

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    I say go first for the emotional compatability, if you have something there then take it to the next level. There is no point leaping into bed with someone, having the greatest sex of your life only to find that there is nothing between you out of the bedroom. On the other hand if you and your man get on really well, have the same outlook on life, laugh at the same things, want the same things in your lives but it's not so hot in the bedroom that can be remedied by talking about it, and experimenting a bit, so yeah, get to know your man then go for the sex.
     
  18. Alex19

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    relationship all the way. the only thing sex first is good for is a booty call.
     
  19. RENThead

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    relationship first, (tho anyone getting in a relationship with me would know that sex wont happen) so me having a relationship with someone is a big thing....
     
  20. Mr Bojangles

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    Love>Sex.

    The odd bit of casual sex can be fun, but it can have some repercussions. As I learned.