So I worked out that I'm trans a month ago after feeling gender dysphoria for about a year but I've got really conflicting feelings about telling people about it. When my dysphoria's at its worst I'll replay fantasies in my head of telling people I'm close to and them being all loving and accepting. On the other hand it hasn't been too long since I've known what my problem probably is and I don't want to tell someone too quickly and be wrong, and I don't know who I can trust to tell. I know it's only been a short time but it feels like it's passed really slowly and it can be pretty agonizing it times. I'm know that I'm lucky. There's a bunch of people in my life that I know would probably accept me and be happy, but there's not really a perfect solution and I have certain hangups about telling certain people. - I have this group of friends who I've hung out with for years who would probably be okay with me being trans (I came out as bi to them last year and they took it very well), but I'm also worried that they may want to ask a lot of questions and although I understand why, I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with answering all of them. Also, I feel like they've known me for too long and will always see me as a girl, which might be why I've been avoiding them recently - perhaps I feel like I've misspent my childhood and the time I spent before I started feeling dysphoric and distancing myself from them is a part of making up for that? idek - My parents would be accepting - I know this because my mum is studying psychology for a masters degree and has always been willing to answer questions I have about trans people and thinks they should be accepted, but again, I'm worried that they'll always see me as their girl and be disappointed in me. Also, I'm worried that I'll have to admit to my mum that my dysphoria got worse after she made me wear a dress, wear makeup and wax my legs for a school dance. She spent so much time and money to make me look beautiful and I'd feel absolutely terrible having to tell her that it was actually a bad experience for me. - Our school has a team of counselors who've given a couple of presentations to our year group saying their door is always open and stuff like that. I've considered going but I don't know if they'd be experienced in handling my case since they've probably never worked with trans kids, and it said on their website that sometimes we can be referred to them by our parents or teachers, and I'm paranoid that they may tell my parents/teachers about me if I go to them. I live in Hong Kong and there aren't a lot of lesbian/gay support groups let alone gender therapists or trans groups. - I have one friend who's a trans girl and we used to be very close and told each other a lot of secrets about ourselves, and I feel like if I told her then she'd be okay with it. The trouble is that I've been distancing myself from her lately because she's really devoted to feminism and social justice and she's been really bitchy to me because I'm not. She'll bring it up in every conversation just to yammer on about how wrong and repugnant I am and it's like she's suddenly afraid of me and thinks I'm a terrible person just because of my political views. So I guess that option's out. - The person I've wanted to tell most is a guy I've been acquaintances with before (we're both in the school debate team and he 'showed me the ropes' a lot when I first joined) but we've started hanging out a bit more often because we're in a lot of the same classes this year. I feel like he'll be accepting of what's going on since he's a self-described liberal and is okay with LGBT rights, but also because he hasn't known me as well or for as long so I won't have to worry about him always seeing me as a girl as much. However, since we haven't been friends for too long I know that it'd be really weird if I just sprung it on him for no reason and he's quite a jokey funny guy so I don't know if dumping all my problems on him would be welcome. I've been stuck on this for a while now. How do I know when the right time to come out is and how do I know who I should tell first? So sorry for the long post - any advice or suggestions would be much appreciated. Thanks! (&&&)
I first wanna say, I lost a friend to feminism two. In a way. LOL Some people truly get too worked up over that crap. I can't really "give you advice" I am yet to come out myself as gay. Which is totally different than trans. (In fact I sometimes don't understand why we're "LGBT" and not 2 separate groups) you coming out as bi probably means you're more a expert on coming out than I am. XD Okay now that my unqualifications out of the way, I feel like you should maybe start with your parents. You said they'll probably be okay with it right? I mean everyone is different, but when I have an issue I like going to my parents first. And if you ever wanna chat just post on my wall, send me a message or whatever XD We can come outta these closets together! c:
You can always come talk to me! Send me a wall message whenever you want! I think coming out to anyone isn't about if you are ready as much as why you would tell them. I think for most people who are gay/bi/trans we want to tell others because it sucks to keep it a secret, but telling someone you are trans is like telling someone you are depressed. So imagine telling someone at the grocery store "i'm depressed" Well, why would you tell them? Why do they care? Someone who would care about you enough to sit and listen to you talk about your depression is the person you should tell. So I think the same applies to being trans. Don't just tell anyone. Tell the people who actually care about you enough to sit and listen. How does that sound?
