I'm Still Totally Closeted and I'm Older

I don't know if I'm going to be able to help, but hey, you are not alone! What you're going through must be tough, but you can count on us and talk to us, ok? We are here for you, we are cheering for you!

 

A situation like that can be tough. Like the last poster said, just know that you're not alone, there's plenty of people here who can relate to you. Not recommending that you should, but I've heard of cases where people with a similar family situation where they chose to break ties with their family just to distance themselves from such a toxic environment. Again, not saying that you should, it's ultimately up to you, but if it's that bad it might be something you should think about, assuming you'd be able to financially care for yourself.

Sorry I couldn't really offer much advice, but good luck with whatever you decide to do. You always have EC (*hug*)

 

I'm so sorry you're having a difficult time. I would definitely recommend that you find a therapist. There are several overlapping issues involved here. Have you ever received therapy for the past abuse?

 

I agree with Imgay47. You need support to work your way through all of this. No one - no matter how strong - could work their way through these terrible issues without professional help. Anyone who has experienced what you have experienced would develop coping strategies just to survive and function, but these survival strategies are just that: emergency coping mechanisms to deal with trauma. Is there anyone or an organisation or a charity to help you where you live?

 

My mom said the same lines, because I also had some trauma similar to yours, It doesn't feel nice and leaves you confused. if you really think about it and think hard nobody actually has control of you -Life's too short to be unhappy- I'm glad i figured that out at 21

 

Hey I'm sorry for what you have been through. I didn't come out until I was in my mid twenties so it's not too late. Are there any LGBT groups near you, perhaps you can get some support and people to talk to through something like that.
I'm not saying it would work but have you tried giving your mum any information about being gay like the PFLAG stuff?

 

Is there any chance you could look to move to a more accepting area?

 

Try and forget this bullshit about "you make your own happiness". No one enjoys being clinically depressed or suffer from anxiety to the extent that they isolate themselves. And no one recovers by "pushing it all down."
You might feel safe in your depression and anxiety, but it doesn't mean you are happy or functioning effectively.
Unfortunately it also sounds like your parents can't or don't want to help you. So unfortunately it's up to you to find help and support.
You've taken the first step and have joined EC the next thing is to see what else you need and what resources are available in your area for you to access.
Is there a full member reading this who can contact you with a private message, find out where you live and help you find what's available for you? I've only just joined up and I live on the other side of the world, so I can't help you that much.
Hopefully there is someone with full membership privileges who can contact you.
Take care. We're here for you.

 

Do you live in Germany? There's a lot of support groups in Germany for LGBTI people of all ages and orientations and what about the Sozialamt for support so you can move out of home?

 

Toothless dream, gotta be the best username I've seen on here yet

Things get easier. Early adulthood is a bitch. The next few years are your life are what soul searching is for. Most people I know (including myself) didn't start feeling comfortable in their own skin until their late twenties, especially when they've had religious head-fuckery early in life.

Until then, stay strong, and keep dreaming, toothless or otherwise x

 

No worries young'n. You are still young. Take your time. At least you're not as bad off as me. I'm 47,gay, closeted and married to a woman. Besides, being closeted is your decision. You can tell or not tell whomever you like.

 

Don´t feel stressed out, it´s understandable why you havn´t been open with your orientation! Tell ppl when the gutfeeling is right. Do you have anyone to talk to?
It seems like you´ve been going through a lot that you need to ventilate!
Take care .

 

I'm really sorry to hear that you are so depressed about your sexuality. Truth be told, there are a number of underlying issues that are feeding into this overwhelming despondency and it must be hard to see any way forward. Serious depression saps us of energy and clarity of thought and it feels like we are trying to find the end of a messy ball of string that the cat has played with. I know it's very hard.

Sexual abuse is not a causative factor in human sexuality. Many studies have been carried out by eminent people who have all dismissed the link. The only people who believe in such a link are religious fundamentalists who practice discredited conversion therapies. I hope this is somewhat reassuring to you. It may be true that the sexual abuse and trauma arising from those events has left you with complicated, residual feelings, which may include guilt and shame, but that would need to be properly explored. It may also be true that the religious shaming, family denial and hostility is acting to suppress your feelings.

Working with a therapist would be the best way of exploring some of these issues and I'm wondering if there are any LGBT community centres near you that could put you in touch with someone who works closely with them. If money is tight, this may be a way of obtaining some affordable support.

If you would like to talk some more, please use this thread or send me a private message. You can do this by clicking on my username.

 

You have had a really rough start in life...and your family are very unsupportive. So I just want to say well done for reaching out on line...I know how difficult it can be to do that when one is trying to 'swim against the current' of other peoples misperceptions and biases. Keep going. and keep reaching in all the ways that you can, until you find what you need.
A note about the cost of counselling:I had a counsellor briefly, and it was helpful to a degree, but looking back sometimes a good friend has been more useful to me. I cant actually understand why your psychologist didnt know how to help because ANYBODY with even half a heart knows that just having somebody listen to you with empathy is helpful and healing. Look around you, isn't there just one person you can share your true self with???