So, I've decided that this will be the year I'm more open about my sexuality. I'm pretty much out to anyone who asks, and I'm (surprisingly) ok with people knowing I'm queer. However, tons of people from my church go to my highschool, and if they found out I wasnt straight, my mom would be told and it wouldnt really end well for anyone. How can I come out (aka be happier)without having to worry about A) what people think of me and B) people from church finding out? I've been wanting to come out to my mom, but she's super conservative and I worry how she will react. If it werent for her, i wouldnt care if people from church found out.
My parents are super 100% anti gay. So I only come out to safe people ie friedns i can trust and those who are no friends or have an avenue to talk to strangers/family who disapprove. That's hard, considering the small commitiy vibe. But you have to play it safe o be ready for the outcome.
I'll tell you from personal experience, don't let people in your family find out through other people. It makes them feel like they are last to know and some paranoid people will turn it into "Now everyone knows and is laughing at me!!". In reality, nobody is laughing at them and they certainly aren't the last to know. But you can't completely control their reactions. You will though, avoid those specific things if you come out to your family before you come out publicly to the school. You could try and gauge how your mother might take it by asking questions on her thoughts. Start casual conversations, mention a celebrity and her wife or something. There's a chance your mom might be more accepting than she looks. If it ends up slipping out, act as casual and calm as you can. If you act like it's not a huge deal, chances are your mom will not react in a loud/crazy way. It might be more like quiet shock. If all else fails, try talking to your church friends. I'm not sure what your church is like, but the one I went to a few years back had very little interaction between kids and the parents of other kids. If you trust them and think they will react well, ask them not to tell others. Let them know you're coming out to people on your own time, and that you really do trust them since you're telling them in the first place.
Hey alienatedapple (very unique name), like EleanorHunt said, having your family find out through other people is usually less than desirable. I don’t know from personal experience, but from stories other have told me, hearing rumors from other people is probably the last way you want your parents to find out if they are generally unaccepting of LBGTQ people (homophobic, etc) and very religious parents can be the hardest. There is a website you can Google called The “Not All Like That” Christian Project that has some good information about how to understand/argue the disparities between the Bible’s text and Christianity. Another potential issue is whether you are, or are prepared to be, living on your own. Some super religious parents actually disown their LGBTQ children and throw them out of the house. That is the extreme reaction (short of a very few I know of where a parent, usually the Dad, actually physically assaulted his child when they Came Out). If you are already living on your own, that isn’t an issue. If you are living at home, it is something you may want to consider/plan for, regardless of how you think your parents will take it. You might be wonderfully surprised at how your parents can overcome their religious teachings because they are confronted with an issue that involves the child they raised and love – and that unconditional love overcomes any other outside considerations. On the flip side, some very religious parents, do not make that leap. And, of course, there are those that make the adjustment, but just take time (at their own individual pace) to come to terms with this kind of thing. The bottom line, though, IMO is that you can only Come Out to the people you are comfortable with Coming Out to and only if/when you decide you are ready. For people that you are sure in advance (and, frankly, people can surprise you and take it in ways you don’t expect – both positively and negatively) who likely won’t be immediately accepting, you should really be as secure in your own understanding of your sexuality so that you don’t let them reflect their anger/doubts/disbeliefs back on you (“It’s just a phase.” “Are you SURE?” “Let me/us get you some counseling.” “You can just Pray the Gay Away”, etc) and so that you are prepared to answer questions that they may have frankly and honestly. Just some thoughts. Best of luck with however you proceed! ---------- Post added 31st Aug 2016 at 09:43 PM ---------- Follow Up: There are also a ton of Coming Out videos on YouTube. I know for sure that there are several that talk about people coming out to super religious parents (strongly Christian, Catholic, Mormon, etc). That could at least give you some idea of how different people approached their families in their individual situations and what their families' reactions were...
