Hi everyone, Wow it's been a while since I posted here. I recently graduated college this past May and am living at home now, for the first time since high school, while working full time. It goes without saying that this is quite the transition. However, I just came out to myself and friends while I was a junior in college when I just started accepting myself. I am out to my sister, although I think I need to come out to her again, I am still in the closet to my parents. I've had all these ideas of when I'd come out and how, they have never really worked. Right now, it's difficult as I am kind of just living at home and working. The job is okayish, not completely in love with it. But there's no short term goal it seems right now, no escape, just kinda working at this job and living at home until....who knows when.....I'm kind of at a loss of when to come out as i don't know but it just seems like, I'm stuck...also, don't even know when I'll start dating, I do online dating sorta but my parents are still kind of on top of me and I already work longish hours sometimes, so i really only have time during the week and on the weekend, when I'm expected to stay home and spend time with the family for the most part. Idk, it just feels like there's nowhere for me to go...my mom definitely doesn't know, she still talks about me getting a girlfriend. Does anyone have any advice, I'm feeling 22 and stuck
A common activity is to just write down the pro's and con's of coming out now. Or - What could you potentially gain? -Vs- What could you potentially lose? Since you feel "stuck" (know the feeling well), some people see that feeling as an opportunity or a 'sign' to shake things up a bit.
I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I came out to myself as a junior in college, too. I'm now going into my senior year and will be graduating in May. Over the summer I've gotten to the point where it seems you're at now. I'm living with my parents through college, while working a part-time job that I could have left a long time ago for something better and for some reason didn't. I've just been feeling like my life couldn't begin really, and I'm realizing I'm wasting a great time in my life to be openly gay, even though I really won't have time soon to focus on a relationship with school and work, plus I student teach in the spring. My mom, like yours, has no idea. She always talks to me about finding a girl to settle down with. With all this information, I'm in the mindset right now of legitimately thinking and wanting to come out. I am sitting here thinking I can't believe I've wasted some of the prime years of my life in the closet. The thing that's holding me back is how and when to do it. I think I've picked out who I want to come out to first, but getting him alone to tell him is the difficult part. Like mangotree said, sometimes people see being stuck as an opportunity to change things. If life is a daily grind, which it's been for me this summer, it might be time to change something that will make you happier. And if you think coming out will make you happier, without losing much, it might be time.
I hinted I was bisexual to my mother to see how she would react. (I'm gay). (Lesbian). She told me it was obvious I had expressed interest in boys and that I was probably just confused, or wanting to feel special or unique. She says she'll accept me for me, but she has this plan for me that I don't have a say in. I told a close friend and made her promise not to tell anyone. I think she's paranoid I told her because I like her, (I don't) but she was fine with it. I joked about being gay with friends and eventually those jokes evolved into them knowing I like girls, but being able to lie for me if my parents asked. I have lots of supportive friends but don't want to remove my parents' image of me being settled down with a husband and kids. I'm only eighteen in a couple weeks, but I can't imagine being happy with that. I'm going to wait until I can get my own place, especially because my dad is moving out and probably divorcing my mom.
A tough situation for you and it sounds like you're really stuck. Any chance you could move out and live on your own or share an apartment with friends? Sounds like you really need your freedom. And maybe just wait until you really need to come out to your family. Because it sounds like you've got enough to deal with transitioning from college to working life and make it your priority to become independent of your family.
I came out on the phone to my Mother years ago, my father had already passed. Reading your story, my sense is that a lot of your "stuckness" is do to living at home, & not being out to your parents. It must create a very u comfortable living situation. I suggest summoning up the will to tell your Mother (& Father tho you don't mention him). Ask for some undisturbed time alone w her/him. Don't do it at a meal or in the car. Revealing your gay identity is pretty simple - it won't take long. It's hard to know what their reaction will be - so be strong & committed in your truth. I'd also seek to live independently - find a place of your own or one to share. Begin looking at what interests you, goals, who you are as a man. Good luck.
