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Hate to sound like an emo kid - must get this off my chest though

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mr Bojangles, Mar 20, 2009.

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  1. Mr Bojangles

    Mr Bojangles
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    I basically feel like I've got a black hole inside of me. I'm just waiting for me to implode and get the whole me dying thing out of the way.

    But yeah, it feels like my insides are made of lead, and I'm struggling to find reasons with why to bother. I don't get an easy time off my penny pitching parents. They don't like each other, and they don't like me. I swear the only thing that keeps them together is the assets they've got shared, and to an extent me. I've got a bipolar mum, and a dad who's too self absorbed to notice my mum's arthritis is getting to the point that it hurts to do a lot of stuff. Then there's Dubai. Lack of people I can associate with, so i'm typically the lonley boy sat in the corner.

    My family also has a dire history with cancer, I've had it once, my dad's had it twice, I lost a brother to it and my mum, well she glows in the dark, that's how much cancer SHE'S had.

    Just that, the weight of the expectations they've got of me, how lonely I am as a person and how much I actually dislike me - It's got to the point where I wonder why I bother getting up in the morning, WHAT is actually making me want to do things.

    And the icing on the cake? I'm quite rational and logical, yet I go and do stupid things which are never going to work. Like developing a crush on a very lovely person who doesn't live anywhere near me. It's all very well dreaming of a better future when it's the present that needs improved so that I can get to the future.

    I don't want to say it because it's overused and such, but right now: I hate my life.
     
    #1 Mr Bojangles, Mar 20, 2009
  2. biisme

    biisme
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    I'm so sorry. (*hug*)

    Just a quick question: how old are you?

    It sounds like a lot of what is really horrible in your life is based on your family and where you live. Is it possible in the future that you'll be able to move out of the house, or move out of Dubai? You said you need to improve the present, well, what's going on in the present that will stop you from being able to move away in the future? Lack of money, not old enough, familial responsibilities?

    Do you have any friends, teachers, or counselors that you can talk to about what you're feeling?

    (*hug*)
     
    #2 biisme, Mar 20, 2009
  3. Zac4

    Zac4
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    sorry bout ur bro and ur family. dont know ne good advice to give u except maybe u should come to atlanta:icon_bigg?

    and lol at ur coldplay quote
     
    #3 Zac4, Mar 20, 2009
  4. Greggers

    Greggers
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    Thats alot more than most people have to deal with (*hug*)

    just the fact your still here and your still moving forwards shows how strong of a person you are though. You cant be some "weak little faggit" and go through all that. It takes real balls.

    I guess all i can say about your parents is, wait for the day you get to move out and do everything you can to make that day come sooner. The faster you can get away from your parents horrible marriage the better it seems.
     
    #4 Greggers, Mar 20, 2009
  5. Rob13

    Rob13
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    Awe. Your family is not helping you with the whole tension of hate going on... I really wish you did not have to be around that. My family had very minor tension but when I moved out, it was soooo good. Keep your mind set on the goal you want. (Like college/university/some sort of work not living at home). It feels like the longest wait ever, but things get better when you have control over your life. Don't give in and keep your head on your shoulders.
    I don't want to be the guy who says this, but by the sounds of things, you are going to have some issues you need to get over with your family too... So seeking therapy, at least to get things off your chest, and be truthful always helps.
    I hope the situations get better in your life! I wish you the best.

    Rob
     
    #5 Rob13, Mar 20, 2009
  6. Mr Bojangles

    Mr Bojangles
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    It's only bad when they're arguing about which shares not to invest in and all this financial type shit. And my mum's starting to get quite Ill, both mentally and physically. Without the cocktail of pills, she'd be a suicidal wreck who's in constant pain.
     
    #6 Mr Bojangles, Mar 21, 2009
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