This is a strange situation to me and I basically just want to share it - if you have comments/advice/similar experiences, please let me know! So I've struggled with coming out to my family for a while now. I came out to my sister and it went really well, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell my parents (I still live with them btw). I had kind of decided to not make a big announcement but to just see if the topic would come up naturally. One day my mum asked me, pretty much out of nowhere, if I'm in a relationship with this one female friend of mine. I explained that I wasn't but that we dated for a while. I told her why we're not a couple and all that. She (my mum) didn't comment or anything, she just wanted to know if this girl was my girlfriend. She never said anything like "oh, so you like women" or "I've suspected you like women for a while" or something like that. So I guess now my mum thinks I'm a lesbian. I'm bi, but I'd rather have her think I'm a lesbian than have her think I'm straight. I don't know. The thing is, she must have told my dad. They've been married for a long, long time, and the basic principle is that when one of them knows something, the other one will know as well. Therefore, I'm assuming that my dad knows I like women. But he has never said anything, made any comments - nothing. I shouldn't complain, really. I know I'm lucky because they don't seem to mind. It's just that it's such a big deal to me to be out to people but I can't be 100% sure my parents have really "gotten the message". We just don't talk about these things in this family. Aren't they curious at all? Like, have I always known? Was I in love with my best friend in highschool? Do I like men, too? Do I want to get married? What about children? Am I out to my friends? Just all of those questions a parent might be curious about. They don't ask. I kind of wish they did.
Could you bring up lgbt related topics with your mother and see if that prompts her to talk about it relating to you? What was your mums reaction when you told her you dated your friend? It could be they know but are giving you space and time to bring it up with them. I had assumed my parents had got all my hints and was also of the mentality of I'll say when asked/if it comes naturally but I cracked and for my own piece of mind I wanted to tell my mum officially. Turned out she had absolutely no idea and was baffled, which was a bit unsettling. And then asked me all the questions under the sun, which, if you're like me and you rarely have very personal conversations with your parents, I found excruciatingly uncomfortable!
Of course, if/when you Come Out to your parents is totally up to you. A large number of parents - especially those who suspect that one of their children is LGBTQ - understand that. They don't want to invade their child's privacy and know that if their child wishes to share information about their sexuality, they will on their own terms. Could that be what's happening here? That they are just respecting your privacy and your right to tell her (or not tell her) about your sexuality? Take Care. Stay strong and proud!
Thanks for replying! I'm pretty sure they know. I mean, they most know something because I wouldn't date a female friend if I was straight... right? I mean that's something my mum can probably figure out. Maybe you're right and she's trying to give me space. I think my mum is really okay with me liking women (maybe I'm being too optimistic here) because she used to sometimes drop hints that she suspected I might not be straight when I was a teenager (only then, I didn't know I was bi). When I told her I used to date my friend, she didn't really react at all. She just asked why it didn't work out in the end, so I told her. That's all. I can't imagine my dad knows how to respond to me liking women. Maybe that's why no one has said a word. I just have no idea what he thinks. I guess I feel kind of pressured because suddenly both my siblings are in (straight) relationships and I'm still single. So the topic of them and their partners sometimes comes up and my dad likes to tease me because I don't have one. Maybe that's a topic for a different thread, but that's something that really bothers me, my dad teasing me/laughing at me because I'm single. He has joked in the past that I'm too picky when it comes to people, but it just makes me feel inadequate because I know (although I don't share that with my dad) that the problem is not that I don't like people - it's that I usually like people who don't like me back.
