Pressure to come out vs. Pressure to stay closeted

I've been out to basically everyone that I have kept as friends over the past two years since I came out to myself. But this excludes my parents, 99% of my bosses, and some colleagues. I used to feel this pressure to come out but quickly found this awkward zone where I would feel an overwhelming fear, that perhaps by coming out to certain people, I would have nothing to gain and everything to lose. I become overwhelmed sometimes by the beautiful stories of coming out where parents lovingly and openly accept when their child comes out to them. I wish I could do that, but I know it's asking for the impossible. My parents are so conservative and wish to return to live in their asian country they were born in before they pass away. Sometimes, I feel really jealous and somehow more alone about that.

I've been told I "look too straight to be gay" and that I must somehow be bisexual, that I just *can't* be gay. :dry: .... so that also comes with its own struggles when it comes to my friends talking about their boyfriends.. or preferences in guys... I just can't relate even if I want to.

Friends are indeed family that I choose, I think. Parents though, I cannot unchoose. It's just what it is. My parents are both so homophobic (I tried testing the waters, asking for their opinions in a vague way). My mom flat out denies that it exists, and when asked further about actual people I know, she says it is unnatural.. among other things that express homophobia. My dad on the other hand is more culturally open and aware BUT believes it must exist for OTHER people's families. Not in ours. Because of course, OUR family does not live by "that culture"... whatever he means by that.

I have only a few trusted friends who I am open about the fact that I am gay and that I have a girlfriend for 2 years now, and that I know I want to marry her in my near future. But for safety reasons, for sanity reasons, I think it's better to be "selectively closeted". I used to feel guilty about this decision because I see a message of "everybody must come out eventually even if not at the moment due to unsafe circumstances" but because I do care about my parents' ... and I know they will genuinely think they must have raised me wrong, or see me as simply their idea of what a lesbian must be like, I've decided to stick to my future image as someone who is ambitiously pursuing my profession.