Growing up I've always dated girls but knew I was attracted to guys, but just accepted I would never come out because I was too scared of losing my friends / family. I was also confused about my feelings, as romantically I was much more interested in relationships with girls and could never see myself with a guy other than sexually. Nobody knows that I am gay, a few have suspected in the past but believed me when I denied it. I have experimented with guys a little over the last year but very secretly with random guys - which I hate doing really. Last year, I started a new job, where I met a guy I really liked. We only spoke a little bit but got on well, and then I couldn't stop thinking about him for months having never felt this way about someone before. It was at this point I realised I was completely gay and wanted to be with this guy (and guys in general). Sadly the other day I was speaking to this dude again and he mentioned his 'girlfriend', which was a huge punch in the gut to hear by the way. Anyway, now I feel as though my eyes have been opened and I know I can't be happy holding this secret and pretending to like girls for ever. However my friends are a real group of straight lads, my parents are traditional and always excited about me finding a wife and having children in the future. I don't believe coming out to them would result in them abandoning me, but I can see people viewing me differently and drifting from them. I feel burdened and romantically lonely the way things are now, but so frightened of coming out and becoming even more depressed if it went badly. Please can someone give me any advice or similar experiences that may help me see a solution to feeling so hopeless. Thanks so much.
Not that it matters much, but how old are you? I came out to mh family when I was 30, and they accepted it straight away, even though in some respects they're somewhat homophobic. I've also had various stages of being out in my life. In most of my work places, I have been fully out, but to certain friends I never did tell them my sexuality. Its such a complex life we all leave, isn't it Do you have any friends at all that know or that you could confide in?
Hi, I'm 20 and no there's nobody who knows. I have a best friend who has asked me if I am before (long time ago). I'd like to think (and I do) that he would be supportive if I told him, but the unpredictability of how it could affect our friendship makes me too afraid to ever say anything.
Your profile says you're from Manchester. Is that Manchester, UK? If so, perhaps you could visit Groups at LGBT Foundation | LGBT Foundation | Get support | LGBT Foundation | Home | LGBT Foundation. I'm from Leeds myself, originally, and in my teens and early 20s I went to groups like that and I cannot express how amazing and supportive they were. Failing that, it might not mean much as I am a stranger, but you can always send me a message on my wall, or if you're a full member privately, and can talk to me about anything
Hi there, blightedsight is right. Going to a group for LGBT people is probably the best thing you can do. It'll probably take a lot of courage at first, but there might just be a lot to gain. Be brave and give it a go. And the next time someone asks you about your sexuality, why not tell them the truth. I'm assuming just like blightedsight that you live in the UK and not in some part of the world where coming out could be dangerous.
It's ok it takes a lot to come to terms with who you are and moving from where you thought you were to where you want to be takes a long time and can be painful. It will take some courage and a strong front so take the time to do things that make you feel good to help go through this process. Please please please do NOT repress, it will only make it harder, talk to someone about it and make sure it's the right person, find an LGBT group near you or online and when you're ready start exploring.
Hey! First off, congratulations for coming out to yourself and reaching this forum, it isn't something easy to do and you did it! You're on the right path ! Your story reminds me so much mine! I came out at 19 after being confused and having repressed my sexuality for so long and I was just exhausted of not being myself and always paying attention to what I said/did because I didn't want people to think I was gay. Like you I was sooo terrified to come out and I thought too that my relationship with my family/friends would change. But you know what ? Nothing changed. Absolutely nothing. You definitely need to confide in someone. How does your best friend react when you talk about lgbt people/issues ? Is he open minded or completely conservative ? Test the waters first. If he's a good friend, it won't bother him. You could also come out by text/fb/letter if you don't feel like saying it directly. Voilà voilà ! Excuse my english! Feel free to message me . I promise, there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
