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Explanations. (X-posted)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by hexamum, Sep 9, 2016.

  1. hexamum

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    X-posted from LBGT later in life.

    So, I'm working out all possible potential questions/accusations I may face. You know, forearmed and all that.
    One I keep getting stuck on...
    How to explain that everything hasn't been a lie.
    Or has it?
    I mean, I've felt this way since late teens, right?
    Should I have even gotten married??
    How do you tell the injured party you love them, but you're not IN love with them?
    When they're hurting, how do you make them realize how hard it is for you to rip your whole existance apart in order to have peace??
    If I have lived with it this long, why now?

    I have never regretted having the kids, they have nothing to do with anyone's sexuality.
    But outsiders won't see that, will they?

    Dam. Head on overdrive.
    Apologies.
     
  2. YermanTom

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    I found that It's hard to explain to someone that I've been lying to myself so convincingly for so long. :bang:

    The thing to remember is that you are doing this for you and you don't have to justify yourself to anyone else.

    (*hug*)
     
  3. hexamum

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    Thanks for your reply :slight_smile:
    My husband will probably demand justification.
    I want to have some answers ready. :/
     
  4. YermanTom

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    I get where you are coming from. Explaining to my wife was very difficult. Sometimes I think I was explaining things to myself just as much as explaining things to her!
    Being honest, I think, for me, was the key.
    It did help that she came out to me as bi long before I came out as totally gay!

    There is no justification, only explanations. Life is just so messy so messy at times.
    With other guys in my position things went belly up very quickly, for others things worked out well. From what I can figure out, it's about the nature of your relationship with your other half.
    Wishing you all the best.

    (*hug*)
     
  5. ChaoticEntropy

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    Hexamum, I've just recently started drafting a letter (it may become a short story by time I'm done) to explain things to my wife. This process is helping me characterize the experience.

    In response to the notion of lying: I think calling a our attempts to pursue the Herero-family a lie is over simplistic. While we wish we could have been honest about ourselves from the beginning, the circumstances at the time didn't allow for us to explore that life.

    I apologize if this comes off as pre-mature for someone who hasn't made any process in the matter; sometimes it's easier to give advice than follow it through for ourselves. I still have a build the resolve to tell her.
     
  6. hexamum

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    I write things waaaaay better in a letter than I could ever verbalize.
    But husband not much of a reader, and would probably skim it rather than take it in and understand what I had tried to say.
    Writing it down may be a good idea to help my own mind though :slight_smile: