Ok, I'm going to give a breakdown of some things so bare with me. I'm bisexual, and I've been since I was about 17. I first came out to my friend, then my mom, and my older brother who is gay and is completely out. I've also told a majority of my friends who were all cool with it and support me, now recently though I've been actually contemplating on having a non secretive relationship with a guy I've been talking to for months now, I don't want to hide my relationshipside forever, and the only thing holding me back is my dad and his side of the family. I don't think much of my dad's side will care that much but my dad and my other older brother are both somewhat homophobes. My brother being the bigger homophobe. They both reacted pretty negatively when my other brother came out, and have fallen back on me I guess in hopes I won't be the same. But they came around sooner or later,they don't support his decision but they still love and care for him. I'm just afraid of telling my dad because when I see him he'll ask how my brother is doing and occasionally make a homophobic comment, and he's constantly asking me about when I'm going to get a girlfriend. So how should I approach this?
tell him, that he has the choice of either keeping is nasty predigest or having a real relationship with his sons. is he going to be a nasty old man, or be a loving father? Judgement is weakness and remember to forgive and love your father, he's just a product of his generation. do it privately, calmly and give him time to process, because change takes time.
Renzo9295, You should, of course, only Come Out to your Dad if you feel comfortable doing so. From what you posted, it sounds like you are ready and since one of your other brothers already Came Out, you have a very good idea what his reaction will be. It seems like there could be a couple of advantages to this. First, of course, is that, if/when you do Come Out to him, both you Dad and your homophobic older brother will have to face that fact they now have to live with two non-heterosexual brothers in the family. That could ultimately result in more acceptance. Second is your stated need to Come Out to your Dad (and his side of the family) in order to openly date a guy you’re interested in. My two cents would be that: (1) you could simply just tell your Dad straight up (2) or, if you want to put a little more shock value on it, you could wait until he asks you again about getting a girlfriend, then you [could just casually say “Well, actually… [letting it hang in the air a moment], there is this guy I’m thinking of dating…” or “…there is this guy that I’m dating” or “…I do have this boyfriend I’ve been wanting to introduce to the family.” Or whatever phrasing would best suit your situation. Just a thought… Good luck with whatever you decide! Take Care. Stay strong and proud!
I like that idea of waiting til he asks about the girl friend. Because not only is it just kinda funny, but his saying that is really his probing to see if your gay. I think at least. Because you are not using homophobic rhetoric like your other brother and dad are. Anyways, that probing would just be so funny to have the response, I am gay and I have a boyfriend... It is obviously only if you are ready and all... but I think that is one of the best coming out ideas possible... But only if they are probing like that... I also think that your dad is probing because if you are he may realize he is going to have to change. One son being gay maybe he can be unaccepting. 2 sons starts to force his hand almost... you know, strength in numbers an all that. BTW if you nervous, you might first simply start correcting their homophobic rhetoric.... tells them it makes you uncomfortable. If they ask why and you dont then want to come out, just say because you love your brother still and that is offensive to him.... Anyways, good luck
