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Coming out to parents...advice please!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Peter76, Mar 21, 2009.

  1. Peter76

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    Hello All!

    Just a quick one. I've decided to come out to certain friends as a starting point, and the day is fast approaching when I'm visiting my best friend, armed with a coming out letter Ive written.

    I really want to come out to my parents too, but I'm worried about my dad's reaction. I thought about telling my mom first, but is it fair to tell her something so important and then ask her not to tell dad? They never have secrets from each other... I don't want to make things awkward for her, but I'm not sure I can tell them both at the moment.

    Any thoughts?

    Thanks

    Peter x
     
  2. Greggers

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    Well, i just want to add in: If you tell your mom, she will most likely tell your dad if they are close. My mom told my dad the next day even after saying for her not to. Close parents do that alot *sigh* So be prepared for that, in case it happens
     
  3. Lexington

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    You might want to consider telling your mother first, and then asking your mom "How should I tell Dad?" That way, you can discuss it with her.

    Lex
     
  4. EM68

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    Do you have any brothers or sisters that you can talk to first to get some input on your dad before you talk to your parents?
     
  5. Peter76

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    Hey guys, thanks for the great advice. I do have an older brother, but I'm more fearful of his reaction than my dad's unfortunately!

    I am feeling much better in myself, and over the last few days Ive felt happy to be gay...but when it comes to my family, I still seem to get this feeling of letting them down...silly I know....
     
  6. Greggers

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    Your going to be letting YOURSELF down if you dont tell them.

    Letting them down is one thing, but when you let yourself down that is when things get ugly. Your gay, your starting to accept it, the next step is to come out to some people who you think will accept you. Parents basically HAVE to atleast try and accept you, its part of the parenting handbook. You will know when the time is right though, and from the sound of this post you are ready. It seems like you ARE ready, and you just want a little helpful push in the right direction to get yourself going :slight_smile:

    *GIANT PUSH*

    There ya go hon! (*hug*) Now go gettem' tiger!
     
  7. Mirko

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    Hi Peter! If you are not sure as to how they might react, you could also give them a letter. Giving them a letter will allow them to read it and to have a bit of time to 'digest' the news. You could even send them the letter.

    You are not letting your family down. Sharing this with your family eill allow them to get to know you. We don't know how our family is going to react, but most of the time, parents/family members will be understanding and will come around to it.

    Maybe come out to your friend first before you come out to your parents. Coming out to your friend will give you a bit of motivation and also give you a bit of a backup/support.

    Hope this helps a bit.
     
    #7 Mirko, Mar 21, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2009
  8. aerwolfen

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    hi peter,its good that you have accepted your true feeling and on the right road of self awareness,you have already told your friend and your about to tell your mom,and in hopes that she will tell your dad to help smooth things over, i say wrong,don't leave it to your mom to tell dad,it has to be your responsibility to let your dad know,or how else will he have respect for you by having mom handle your story,not right for her to put that burden on,you really must man up and tell them both,either in letter to both or in person,thats my advise it will really show more character on your part,after that big hurdle your brother will be a breeze to tell ,your confidence will be extremely high,soon you will want to tell the whole world about your new found personal awakening, good luck we all here are routing for you.