Is coming out mandatory?

I think that you should do what makes you comfortable...

As for coming out as bi, I am also bi, I have been following the same idea of just not coming out and passing as straight in my daily life... But if I find a guy, I am interested in then I will most likely have to come out... But it has to be a guy I am so interested in I want to introduce him to my parents.. I hav only introduced 3 of my 9 exes to my parents... So I figure it will be a while before a can meet a guy and realize I care enough about him for all that..

The important thing is doing what feels right to you... your choice to come out or not, and who you come out to

 

I am wondering this as well. I am not sure I understand the reason to come out if a person has not even had a gay relationship(?) Is the point just to make sure you are gay? If you have not had a gay relationship, how can you be sure you are gay or that it is just a forbidden fruit fantasy? Why do people stress out about coming out? Why not just keep it to yourself? I had one same sex fling. I have never told anyone about it. Why would I want to?

 

I would say no, coming out isn't mandatory. It's like coming out as an atheist, or as someone who is depressed or something like that.

You don't need to tell everyone you meet.

 

Not at all it's not like if you pass a certain age without coming off you're forced to haha and I completely understand where you're coming from because I was completely OK with not coming out and that actually made it more comfortable for me to come out. I may be really confusing there haha but dont feel pressured to come out nor feel pressured to just stay in the closet.

 

Wolfwing,
No, Coming Out is not mandatory. Whether or not you Come Out to your parents (or anyone else, for that matter) is entirely your decision. You have to be comfortable with telling the person or people you want to Come Out to and feel that the time is right. Personally, I feel that a person should be as comfortable with understanding their own sexuality as possible before Coming Out to family. That is for two reasons. First, if the family members are unaccepting, it is hard to defend your statement about your sexuality when you are uncertain yourself. Second, even well-intentioned family members can be intrusive and your journey to discovering, understanding and accepting your sexuality is for you alone to make. Outside interference could very possibly only serve to confuse you. Just a couple thoughts for you to consider. From what you wrote, you aren’t sure that they will be supportive. If there is any chance that they would throw you out of the house, you may want to reconsider Coming Out to them or at least have a safe place to go in the event that they react in the worst way.

Since you still seem to be in the midst of your journey, if you decide to Come Out to your parents sometime soon, maybe you should not try to specifically label yourself, but simply tell them what you are feeling and what you are questioning. You might want to make it clear that you just want them to know what you are going through, but that this is something that they can’t directly help you with – just love you unconditionally and be there to support you.

As you probably know, if you are listening to your feelings, being bisexual doesn’t mean that you can just turn on or turn off attraction for one gender or the other at will. And since most of us have a stronger preference for one gender, forcing yourself into dating relationships with the other gender just for the sake of appearances is ultimately being dishonest to yourself and may cause you more anxiety in the long-run. But only you can decide if it would be better to put up appearances and stay in the closet until you are old enough to be out on your own – especially if you think that Coming Out to your parents either directly or indirectly could make your relationship with them - and your life - miserable.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Take Care. Stay strong and proud!

 

I don't think it's mandatory. What it comes down to is when the time comes when your comfortable or feel the need to come out. You'll know in your heart.

I myself am 40 and not out yet. I've kept it inside all my life and now I'm to a point and in a situation where I think I need to be true to myself in order for me to be happy. But it's a tough thing and I wish you the best.

 

The way I have judged this in the past was simply answers to questions that went:
1. How close can you be to somebody if they don't know who you are?
which THEN becomes a question of; How close do you want to be with the person(s) concerned?
2. Being in the closet means never being free to publically express certain aspects of yourself. Question: Can you breathe psychologically like that? If someday a guy breaks your heart, who you gonna call?
I couldn't breathe so I came out to friends; its a self imposed rule that I will not be closeted to friends and I wont call you friend if you are homophobic.

I am not bisexual, but the same questions may help you clarify your situation...good luck and blessings

 

I think you should do whatever you think will make you happy.

 

Great answer Ben.

 

Come out when you're ready. Don't let anyone force you.

 

I'm 43 and I've been out for so long I don't really remember what being in the closet is like. I'll offer my thoughts with the caveat that I'm older and times have changed. I'm also gay, not bi, so that created a different experience for me.

I think coming out boils down to integrity. When we're in the closet the world is left to make assumptions about us, and we (in a way) lie by omission. This creates a situation where we're out of integrity with our deepest self, and what we have to uniquely offer the world is damaged or can't be given. Your sexuality isn't all of you, but it does shape you, and your gifts to the world.

Do you feel that being closeted is limiting your expression of who you are? Are you not fully experiencing others or not fully experiencing happiness in your life because of not being out? Those might be things to consider.

You also need to look out for your safety, your well being, and your support. Are you relying financially on your parents? If so, I suggest postponing coming out until you are self-sufficient. Do you rely on your parents for emotional support, or have you pretty much built your own circle of good, supportive friends? If you rely on your parents for emotional support you can't get elsewhere (for now) then I would suggest not coming out yet.

Finally, there's the politics of coming out. I came of age in the 80s and I came out in the 90s. Not to brag, but we were pretty flippin' awesome. My gay student union did some subversive things (a massive kiss-in at Wendy's comes to mind - and I chivalrous-ly volunteered to "protest" with the hottest guy in our group! *grin*) and it just felt good to express myself through politics. Coming out can help you affirm your own self-worth, can help you be powerful politically, and it helps change the world for the better for others to come out after you. I'm proud that I had some little tiny role in the 90s and 2000s so that we could eventually have gay marriage today! This kind of thing may or may not matter to you.

So (sorry this is long) I would first look at what's at risk (financial support, housing, safety, emotional support) and how prepared you are in case things don't go well, how much you feel out of integrity by not being out, and whether you want to contribute to a political movement. Given those, I think coming out is very personal (not "mandatory" in my opinion!) and the only right answer is yours. Good luck!

 

It certainly isn't mandatory but I do think that your parents deserve special consideration. Whatever your choice is they should be above everyone else in your consideration (except yourself of course). Only you can decide when (or if) you come out to them but I strongly think that if you do come out they should be the first to know. I've been lucky in that my parents have supported me. I appreciate that this isn't the case with many LGBT children. However they do deserve that courtesy.