Q&A after coming out- how to handle those bombs

For the purposes of answering the questions, I assume the person asking is an acquaintance or less, and not a close friend.

A, for the aquaintance: I probably like a lot of the things you fantasize about, except with guys instead of women.

A, for the stranger: Is that all the sex you have? That sounds boring.

A, for the aquaintance: In a sexy dream, it's always a guy.

A, for the stranger: (I like the OP answer!)

 

I really like faustian1's responses! For me, there has been a third level to this: really good friends (vs acquaintances and strangers). As a rule, my really good friends wouldn't ask me these questions in the first place, but the topics could very easily come up in conversation. And. if they do, I just answer as honestly and openly as I can. In fact, one of my really good friends and I ended up having a conversation along the lines of the "how do you have sex" question last week. The discussion became quite explicit and he was fascinated, but totally nonjudgmental (else I would have cut the discussion short). It was kinda weird to have that conversation with a straight guy, but I definitely wouldn't have it with someone who wasn't a really good friend.:dry:

 

These are some of the most ignorant comments I ever got, and my response to them:

Q: How do you have sex without a penis involved?
My answer: How do you have sex without a female orgasm involved?

Q: How do you know you're gay?
Me: How do you know you're straight?

Q: How can women call themselves lesbians if they use strap-ons?
Me: How can men call themselves gay if they top? How can women call themselves straight if they receive oral sex? How can men call themselves straight if they do anal?

Q: You realize lesbians will always be virgins until they sleep with men, right?
Me: You realize virginity is made up and always had a different definition, right? You realize that men originally could not be virgins since it referred to maidenhood? You realize that women originally couldn't be legally raped by her husband because rape didn't include marriage?

Or if a gay guy tells me this, since some gay guys can be misogynistic as well:
Me: You realize that gay men will always be virgins until they sleep with women according to the original definition too?

Statement: Lesbians are soooo lucky! You are so much more accepted than everyone else because men love you!
Me: Straight women are soooo lucky! You are so much more accepted and privileged than straight men are because people fetishize you and harass you!

Straight guy: I could fuck you straight, you haven't had the right dick yet.
Me: My friend could fuck you gay, you haven't had the right dick yet.

Straight female friends: It's just a phase. You'll eventually like men.
Me: My heterosexuality was just a phase as well, maybe yours will be too. Talk to me again once you come out of the closet.

Straight people: Ewww, why do people shove their homosexuality down everyone's throat? Why do I have to know you're gay?
Me: Why do you shove your heterosexuality down everyone's throat? Why should I care that you're straight? You get upset if I even mention a girlfriend but don't take any notice that I have to deal with your nasty PDA everywhere I go. :|

I'll tell you if I think of more.

Edit: OH! A good reply for the first question on "how do you have sex" is to mention you feel sorry for them for how boring their sex lives must be. 90% of women orgasm from hands and mouths, yet less than 20% orgasm from intercourse. So in reality, lesbians face more fun and physical pleasure for staying open-minded!

 

Great response!:roflmao::roflmao:

How about this one:
Straight Guy: "So, what's it like to be gay?"
Bisexual Guy: "I don't know. I'll play your silly game. What IS it like to be gay?"

 

First, I love these responses. My favorite is this:
Straight guy: I could fuck you straight, you haven't had the right dick yet.
Me: My friend could fuck you gay, you haven't had the right dick yet.

However, I do think that OP's question was a serious one, and deserves some real answers from EC folks. Some of our friends/family really do want to know more about us, and their questions are often meant with a genuine desire to learn. So, a flippant comment to someone you really do care about who is asking in a non-judgmental way deserves a real answer. The answers presented here so far are super fun, and totally appropriate for certain situations, but I think there are real answers here as well. Here's my take on some serious answers. To OP: of course these are only from my perspective, so not all will apply to you.

Q: How do you have sex? For guys and girls, its quite straightforward; penis in vagina. But for you...?
A: Sex isn't just about penis in vagina. There are so many other things all couples can do that are sexually satisfying (you can list some, or ask them what things they like other than P>V.

Q: How do you know you're gay?
A: How do you know you're straight?

I do think this answer is actually a really good one. Straight people have really never been forced to contemplate the question, so I think it makes a good answer because it forces them to think about their own sexuality. For my kids, for example, when one of them asked that same question, I talked about feelings of attraction they have for girls (they're both boys) and told them that I have those exact same feelings, except it's for a different gender. Otherwise, the feelings are the same.

Q: You mean you were lying the whole time?
A: (This one may depend upon whether you have spent time in denial. Some closeted people have not been in denial just closeted.) For those in denial, a discussion about denial and what it means may be the best explanation for the listener. For those who were not in denial, I suggest discussing with them what it meant for you to be in the closet and the feelings you had about being unable to come out until now. You can also counter the "lie" idea by admitting that you've lied in order to keep your cover, but you were also lying to yourself as well.

Q: Why didn't you tell me earlier?
A: OP's answer is perfect here.

 

Hey, you have a good point. The main reason my answers are so blunt is because most of the questions directed toward me were coming from a place of people acting rude and entitled. I don't think they really cared to learn about my sexuality as much as they wanted to prove me wrong and show dominance over me. So I found that rhetorical questions set them straight and embarrassed them.

On the other hand, if someone is willing to learn, I probably wouldn't have such rude replies. Ideally, I would explain to them how sex and sexuality stuff works, but I also feel you shouldn't ask a gay person a private question you would not ask straight people.

 

While I agree with Imgay47 that SwiftKnight's thread question was entirely serious, I also feel the same as Creativemind. Most people asking these kinds of questions are being rude/personally intrusive and deserve to be reminded directly. Sometimes it's with biting responses such as Creativemind posted. Sometimes, you may feel more like educating the person on how rude/personally intrusive they are being in a gentler manner. And, of course, there actually are times when the person really does want to know the answer, but doesn't understand how rude/personally intrusive they are being. I guess it's all situational, but my off-the-cuff reaction to these kinds of questions from acquaintances and strangers is right along the lines of what faustian1 and Creativemind posted.