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I want to come out to my friend at her birthday, is it ok?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by PerfectIllusion, Sep 14, 2016.

  1. PerfectIllusion

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    She is one of my oldest friends and I would like to tell her soon. The problem is that she has been very busy this year, and it's been a long time since we've last seen each other. I also don't want to make a big deal of it, so I don't want to call her just to say that.

    Next week we are going to a pub to celebrate her birthday, so I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to tell her. At first I thought it was a nice idea because it's a public place with a lot of things going on, so I wouldn't become the center of attention. But also I don't want to seem like I'm trying to steal her spotlight, I don't want to make her unconfortable at her own birthday and I fear she won't believe it or won't remember what I said later (because of alcohol, lol).

    Maybe it's just my brain trying to convince me to stay in the closet? I don't know why I'm making such a big deal of it, I've always felt comfortable with her :icon_redf
     
  2. I'm gay

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    I think it would sort of be stealing her spotlight. Can you get together the next day or something? I don't think you're trying to stay in the closet, you seem comfortable enough that you want to tell her.
     
  3. Sleeping Owl

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    Agreed with the other guy. Let loose and enjoy some lighthearted fun with her.
     
  4. BrookeVL

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    I would do it later, if at all possible. See if you can't take her to a birthday dinner the next night, and tell her then. I'd hate to hear her reaction was bad because you did something like that at her birthday party.
     
  5. Lambeau

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    I would try to avoid birthdays, holidays, or any special day. First, you don't want to take away from someone else's special occasion - since it might hit them hard, too. It's just respectful to not have their head racing when they intended to have a day about them. Second, in my mind I wouldn't want my "coming out date" to an important person to be shared with something else. Coming out, in my mind, is a very personal thing that's about me. It's for myself, and I don't know if I could fully focus on myself when it's someone else's birthday. But others may not feel it's as personal as I do. Just food for thought.

    But overall, I would say try to find a better time. Maybe tell her you have something to tell her and set up a lunch date or something along those lines.
     
  6. killswitch0029

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    I agree with everyone else. I'm glad to hear you want to come out and everything but just let your friend have her spotlight for the day.
     
  7. PerfectIllusion

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    Thank you everyone! I will probably have to wait a few more weeks to meet her again, but I think I can wait.