I'm scared of coming out. I mean, I do want to be out, but I don't want to deal with coming out. I'm worried that my parents will hit me, or not trust me, or my friends will hate me. I recently had my first homophobic encounter and that made me even more scared to come out. Help?
I've come out to a few of my close friends, One being one who has had a few bad encounters with Gay and Bi people so I was so scared to tell her but if they are really you friends they will accept you for who you are. Granted I have not come out to my own parents yet but if you had someone who knew there with you they can help keep you safe. Some parents might not accept it but they may need time to process it. Just have a place you can go to like if you come out to one of your friends first and they are okay with having you stay over for a while and your parents don't accept you right away go to your friend's house for a few days to just give it time to sink in. That's the best I can tell you. Good luck.
ArulElla, You should only Come Out if/when you feel comfortable doing so. You and ONLY you can decide IF you want to Come Out, WHEN you want to Come Out and to WHOM you want to come out. Coming Out is not mandatory. Many of us come out to one of two close friends first, that way we have a support network we can talk to and with whom we can just be ourselves. If you are considering Coming Out to a friend, you might want to consider the following: 1) Based on what I know of my friend, is he/she likely to react positively to my Coming Out? (You probably want to consider Coming Out first to the person that you believe will be most likely to be accepting and supportive.) 2) Is that friend reliable and trustworthy enough to keep what I tell him/her secret and respect my right to continue to Come Out (or not Come Out) to other people, at my own pace and at my own comfort level? Unfortunately, when Coming Out, it is always possible that the person we Come Out to will react badly and reject us. That can be emotionally devastating if the person is a parent or our best friend, so often those are the last people we tell – because we have the most to lose if they reject us. Remember, you are still the same person you were the moment before you Come Out to someone and if they reject you simply because of your sexuality, they weren’t really a friend to begin with. So you’re better off without them in your social circle. But, as ScaredBuilder said, if they really are your friend, they will accept you for who you are. Frankly, Coming Out to a close friend or two first – especially when we get an accepting reaction – can be a huge morale and confidence booster. And it is a relief to know that you can finally talk openly (just being your true self) to someone who really knows you! If you are afraid that you parents’ reaction may be violent, you might not want to Come Out to them until you are living independently from them. If you already are living independently from them, but really want to tell them, you might consider giving them a letter or using some other means of indirect communication so that there is no danger that they could hurt you. It is also totally natural to be scared to come out. Coming Out is an intensely emotional experience. You are telling another human being something deeply personal and private about yourself and then, while you are waiting for their reaction, regardless of how short a time that may take, you feel like you are awaiting judgment. Yes, it can be extremely scary and nerve-wracking, especially the first couple times and when telling your best friend and parents. I’m so sorry that you had a homophobic encounter. Would you care to tell us what happened? I hope this helps you a little. Take Care. Stay Strong and Proud!
Not sure I am the one to advise on this, but I thought I would just set this here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYoapICIfeE If your genuinely worried about violence, I would recommend waiting..
What are your expectations and fears based on? Are your parents generally inclined to be homophobic? are they quite authoritarian? Have they hit you before? Do you have a close relationship? You could explore the topic beforehand you know by asking them what they think of..."a well known gay icon" Ellen for example...just to see how the land lies. Also ask yourself what the purpose is to you of coming out. For me it was a need to create a mental space for myself, space where I could be myself and where I could express myself. For me telling friends and my generation relatives was enough. It does not have to be universal. Ultimately you have to try and do whats right for you....risking violence isn't necessary unless you feel very strongly about the issue and are prepared to face the outcome. blessings
Arul, I understand where you're coming from. I'm also on the same journey, as to coming out to friends and family. I recently came out to my gf and it went completely different than I had anticipated. I agree 100% with QuantumReality, only do so when YOU feel you're ready and prepared for people to know. With that said, at the time when you are prepared, think of the ones who will really be there to support you. Build a solid foundation of support to fall on, this can be through a close friend, family member or therapist. Don't limit your options. I was able to get the support I needed through this very site. I can only imagine the thoughts running through your head and at a million miles an hour. Be strong Arul, alway know you have a family here to always support you and the decisions you make. Wish you nothing but the best and a whole lot of love!
