1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Need help

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by steve17159, Jun 25, 2007.

  1. steve17159

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2007
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I'm a new poster. I've been reading the posts on this board for a few months, and decided to finally post something, and get some feedback.
    I'm 21 y.o., and have recently reached the conclusion that I'm gay. I'd say that for the last 7 years or so I've thought I might be, but never could accept it. I remember the first time I thought I might be gay, 7 years ago, I was so horrified. So for all these years I have been denying it. In January I decided that I needed to figure out who I am. After a while I came to accept the fact that I liked guys, but had trouble figuring out if I liked girls too, as I have been attracted to a few of my girl- friends in the past. Overtime it became clear that I was more so attracted to guys than girls.
    So now that I've figured out that I'm gay, I have been having a hard time coming out to friends. I've been wanting to do so since March but always chicken out or get nervous or whatever. Often times the right situation doesn’t arise. I have great friends, and I'm pretty sure they'll be okay with it, but for whatever reason I just can't do it. But I feel that it is is something that I have to do, I have to be true to myself and to them. I've tried doing the face to face convo but as I said, I can't bring myself to it. I've thought about writting e-mails, or telling them over aim. I'm just afraid, its too impersonal. Any suggestions on how to come out to them?

    I appreciate all your help, and being able to read your posts as a way to sort through my thoughts. It's been helpful. Thanks
     
  2. BBXL

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2007
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Western Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Its always difficult to come out the first time, but it gets easier and easier the more you do it. When I first tried to say it my voice went and I couldn't speak, I found saying it over and over in my head helped me to get my courage up to say it.

    I hope everything works out (*hug*)
     
  3. LorenzG1950

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    439
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Mannheim, Germany
    Hi Steve and welcome,

    BBXL is very correct in that the first coming out is probably the toughest. For me it was last April and I picked my best girl friend, the one I could have married. We've known each other for over 20 years so I figured nothing much could go wrong. I was surprised at myself for my clumsiness :confused: , stammering :icon_redf , and the fact that I was scared to death to get the words out :bang: . I'm very rarely at a loss for words. I finally got it out and it turned out more beautiful than I ever expected.

    So I would suggest that you pick a friend you really love and trust and set a date, invite the person to dinner, tell them you have a surprise or something important to share with them. Pick a setting that isn't crowded or where you are likely to run into other friends or people you know. The rest is up to you. If your decision to come out is firm, then you have no reason to delay or back down when the moment comes. Yes, it will be rough but you will feel so great when it happens.

    Good luck and hope it goes well for you(*hug*) . Once you get the first one behind you, it will become much easier. For my family, I used the letter method because they live in the states. You have to decide what works for you.
     
  4. Jim1454

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    7,284
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Toronto
    Welcome to EC, and congrats on coming to terms with your orientation. Its not an easy thing to do, and its great that you've managed to do that.

    Lorenz had some great suggestions - pick the person that you can be sure you'll get a positive and supportive response from. Tell them that you have something you need to tell them. That sets you up - so that you don't feel like you're coming out of left field when you tell them - you've given them a hint that there's something important that you want to share.

    Good luck! We're all here to help.
     
  5. xequar

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2007
    Messages:
    1,684
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Detroit area, Michigan
    It seems like everyone here's hit the highlights... Find that person that you know will accept you, and prepare for the fact that telling that first person is a very daunting thing. Waiting for the "right moment" might be a bit trickier than you think, but if you just go for a gap when you can talk in private and seriously, just do your best to take it from there. I actually got really lucky when I told my roommate (my first) since we were watching South Park and it happened to be the episode where they sent Butters to the bible camp because they thought he was bi-curious, so I just used that as a segue into my conversation.

    Good luck, and let us know how it turns out!
     
  6. Sugar

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2007
    Messages:
    240
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey! Welcome to EC :slight_smile:

    Your definately not alone. Everyone is scared to death when they decide to come out. I also think the best thing to do is to tell someone your close too, someone who will accept you no matter what. Because if the first person you tell goes well you will gain more confidence and it will be easier to tell others. Personally, I prefered saying it face to face but it all depends on you and the person your coming out to. Best of luck! You'll feel so much better once it's done :slight_smile:
     
  7. TriBi

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2004
    Messages:
    1,911
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    DownUnder
    Hehe - well - I'll say welcome - but it looks like the others have pretty much beaten me to the "good advice" I was thinking of giving when I read your post.

    Hey - that's all good tho' - just goes to prove what a great bunch of people we have here. :slight_smile:

    The only thing I might add is that the first person you choose to come out to (presuming you want to continue the process at your own time) should also be someone you totally trust to not only be supportive - but be able to keep the confidence with which you have entrusted them. :wink: