Within the next few weeks I plan on coming out to everyone else in my life so I wrote this letter. I think I'm going to come out to everyone else on my birthday at the end of the Mon or National Coming out day. What do y'all think? Dear friends and family, E.E. Cummings said “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” It’s question that has plagued me the last few years. Who is Ryan? It’s good question that I really wish I knew the answer to. The most beautiful part about growing up is discovering who you are in the world. Where do I fit in? What I am good at? Who are my friends? Who do I like? We discover new things about ourselves, everyday. I’m a person that loves change and new things, because you are almost guaranteed to learn from these new experiences. If I reflect on all the changes in my life, many prominent ones can be found in the last few years. Some of these changes in my life have affected my life, forever, and it’s probably for the best. My new friends have gone above and beyond for me, words do not suffice for how thankful I am. They integrated me when no one else wanted me I was lost and could not be found until they showed me the way. All my problems began in 8th grade (at least this series of problems did). In 8th grade, I began to push people away, because I was scared. Scared of what? So many things change in this period of your life: your body, your interests, your friends and yourself. Most people begin develop feelings for other people and begin to have that yearn and drive for companionship. I began to have those feelings, too, but these feelings weren’t for the opposite sex, it was for the same sex. At this point in my life, I had no one to turn to, no one to help me. Growing up at a private school and in a conservative family, the only thing I ever was taught about being Gay was that it was wrong. Here I was in an unprecedented dilemma in my life with no one to turn to. What’d I do? First, I began to push people away, because I just had this immense guilt and I was just terrified at the thought of being pushed away. I did what any 14 year boy would do, I ran from the problem and buried this skeleton in the closet (pun intended). My life continued on, I was confirmed, I graduated, and I said goodbye to the family that I had known for the last nine years. I started a new school and I was alone for the most part. I had a few friends here and there, but there weren’t like the ones I had in the past. My life was a recipe for depression, most of the year was like that. There was some light in the tunnel, though. One night on a phone call, I was somehow able to confide in my cousins that I was gay, they accepted me in a time when there was no one else for me. It opened the door to envision a new future for myself. Things really wouldn’t get better for me until the summer where I slowly began to learn not to push my family away, I started to embrace it. My new school and friends were dropped into my life, and things did get better for myself. As the school year progressed, my friends and I grew closer together, and then at the beginning of 2016, things really started to pick up. By some means I was able conjure up enough courage to come out to my gay english teacher in an open letter, she made me feel proud of the person that I was, I was very much still in the closet but I had finally began to accept myself in my heart. She too was a Christian who had faced hardship in accepting herself with her faith, it finally gave me some to relate to and assured me that in the right time place I’ll finally be ready to stop hiding apart of myself. After one of my friends and I had grown closer in just under a month, I had confided in her and our friendship began to blossom. People would always assume we were dating which was really a testament of how great our friendship was. Summer began and it really was a summer like no other, I’ve done a lot of growing up over the last few years, but I had so many things to prove it: license, car, bank account, and a job. Over the summer, I began to come out to all of friends, before school started all of my friends knew. I came out to more of my cousins and even to my own sister. Everyone I came out to, we grew closer together for so long in my life I feared being unaccepted by so many people, but they all helped me to feel loved. For so long I buried this deep within side of myself. It was something that brought me more pain than anyone should ever feel. I would never wish this pain on my worst enemy. It was the kind of pain I too scared to tell anyone about, but yet I cried myself to sleep because there was just no one there for me at the time. It took me a year to share this pain with anyone, but then I finally began to let it out and grow, again. In telling so many of friends, I did a lot of reflection on my writings from 10th grade English, anything I wrote about my sexuality has to do with my faith. So much of my struggle over the last few years has been, because I was too afraid of what others might think of me. Too afraid to be pushed away, too afraid to be unaccepted in God’s eyes, however, over the last few years I’ve grown stronger in my faith. I am so proud of the person that God has made me. God loves all of his children, no sin is greater than any other. Prayer that was once so absent in my life is now more present more than ever. My journey has made be thankful for what I have and those around me. People don’t choose to be Gay, if I could choose then I wouldn’t be. I was never asked if I wanted to be this way, because I was born this way, this is who I am. Everyone should be able to be themselves, no one show have to live in fear because of who they are for it undermines basic human rights, the right to be happy and to live as who you are. For so many years, I was afraid of being unaccepted and scared of losing so many things in my life for I just want people to accept me for who I am, it's gonna take some time, and I understand it’s not easy to, it took me three years to, so I understand if it might take you some time. Courage is the ability to do something that frightens you. This all frightens me, more than you’ll ever be able to understand. I am still the same Ryan you knew before you began to read this letter, the only difference is I’ll finally be able to be true to myself. Sending my love, RK
Hello Ryan, That’s quite an essay - and beautifully written! My suggestions below are editorial, not substantive. Take them or leave them, as you see fit. In paragraph 2. It’s good question that I really wish I knew the answer to. Missing ‘a’. Rewording would read: “It’s a good question that I really wish I knew the answer to.” In paragraph 3. My new friends have gone above and beyond for me, words do not suffice for how thankful I am. Suggested rephrasing: “My new friends have gone above and beyond for me - words cannot express my gratitude.” They integrated me when no one else wanted me I was lost and could not be found until they showed me the way. Integrated? Also it’s really two thoughts/sentences. Perhaps rephrase: “They accepted me when no one else wanted me. I was lost and could not be found until they showed me the way. “ In paragraph 4. I began to have those feelings, too, but these feelings weren’t for the opposite sex, it was for the same sex. Suggested rephrasing: “I began to have those feeling, too, but my feelings weren’t for the opposite sex – they were for the same sex.” And do you want to add the blunt statement “Yes, I am Gay.” after that sentence? In paragraph 6. One night on a phone call, I was somehow able to confide in my cousins that I was gay, they accepted me in a time when there was no one else for me. Really two sentences and a minor rewording suggestion in the second part of your thought: “One night on a phone call, I was somehow able to confide in my cousins that I was gay. They accepted me at a time when there was no one else for me.” Things really wouldn’t get better for me until the summer where I slowly began to learn not to push my family away, I started to embrace it. Really two sentences: “Things really wouldn’t get better for me until the summer where I slowly began to learn not to push my family away. I started to embrace it.” In paragraph 7. She too was a Christian who had faced hardship in accepting herself with her faith, it finally gave me some to relate to and assured me that in the right time place I’ll finally be ready to stop hiding apart of myself. Really two sentences and wording change suggestions: “She too was a Christian who had faced hardship in accepting herself with her faith. It finally gave me someone to relate to and assured me that in the right time and place I would finally be ready to stop hiding a part of myself.” In paragraph 8. Over the summer, I began to come out to all of friends, before school started all of my friends knew. Missing word, minor wording change: “Over the summer, I began to come out to all of my friends and before school started all of my friends knew.” Everyone I came out to, we grew closer together for so long in my life I feared being unaccepted by so many people, but they all helped me to feel loved. Kind of awkward wording. Possible rewrite: “I grew closer to everyone that I had the courage to come out to. For so long in my life, I feared being unaccepted by so many people – but all of these people helped me to feel loved.” In paragraph 9. For so long I buried this deep within side of myself. Awkward phrasing. Maybe something like: “For so long I buried this deep inside myself.” In paragraph 10. Too afraid to be pushed away, too afraid to be unaccepted in God’s eyes, however, over the last few years I’ve grown stronger in my faith. Multiple thoughts. Maybe rephrase: "Too afraid to be pushed away. Too afraid to be unaccepted in God’s eyes. However, over the last few years I’ve grown stronger in my faith." God loves all of his children, no sin is greater than any other. Two sentences. “God loves all of his children. No sin is greater than any other.” My journey has made be thankful for what I have and those around me. Typo. “My journey has made me thankful for what I have and those around me.” And I would offer a possible rephrase of the last part of that sentence to read: “… and those who love me.” In paragraph 11. I was never asked if I wanted to be this way, because I was born this way, this is who I am. Two sentences:”I was never asked if I wanted to be this way - I was born this way. This is who I am.” Everyone should be able to be themselves, no one show have to live in fear because of who they are for it undermines basic human rights, the right to be happy and to live as who you are. Two sentences:” Everyone should be able to be themselves. No one show have to live in fear because of who they are for it undermines basic human rights - the right to be happy and to live as who you are.” For so many years, I was afraid of being unaccepted and scared of losing so many things in my life for I just want people to accept me for who I am, it's gonna take some time, and I understand it’s not easy to, it took me three years to, so I understand if it might take you some time. Multiple thoughts/sentences, rewording suggestions:” For so many years, I was afraid of being unaccepted and scared of losing so many things in my life. I just want people to accept me for who I am. It took me three years to come to terms with this knowledge about myself, so I understand that it may take some time for you to understand and accept this - and that it’s not necessarily going to be easy for you. ” In paragraph 12. This all frightens me, more than you’ll ever be able to understand. Suggested: “This frightens me – more that you’ll ever be able to understand.” I am still the same Ryan you knew before you began to read this letter, the only difference is I’ll finally be able to be true to myself. Two thoughts, so suggested:” I am still the same Ryan you knew before you began to read this letter. The only difference is I’ll finally be able to be true to myself.” OR “I am still the same Ryan you knew before you began to read this letter - the only difference is I’ll finally be able to be true to myself. Great job! I hope this helps a little. Good luck with your pending Coming Out! I wish you only the best! Take Care. Stay strong and proud!
I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. Thanks for all the effort you put into helping me.
You're welcome. It was nothing. Those were all little things that might help clean it up a little, if you choose to use any of them. Like I said, though, you wrote a wonderful letter. Good luck!
One other suggestion for you - You said, "One night on a phone call, I was somehow able to confide in my cousins that I was gay, they accepted me in a time when there was no one else for me." You might consider that there obviously were people that were there for you. You just didn't believe that people would be there for you because of your fears. Perhaps it could read: "One night on a phone call, I was somehow able to confide in my cousins that I was gay, they accepted me in a time when I thought there was no one else for me."
