Discouragement and Exhaustion

Sounds like...your faith and sexuality are clashing? Sorry, just skimmed the post kinda, getting late..

But i went through the process of trying to balance my faith and sexuality. The bible says its wrong, my body says its write, all that stuff. In the end though, with some help from wonderful people, a wonderful new church, and some videos, i decided that there is room for both.

Have you seen "Prayers for Bobby" or "For the bible tells me so"? Both AMAZING videos that talk about homosexuality and Christianity. They helped me accept that i can be a gay Christian. Maybe not a traditional one, granted, but there are more and more factions of Christianity accepting homosexuality every year.

...but if i TOTALLY missed the point just me know heh. Im not fully with it tonight, sorry

 

Ah, i see. Well dont worry honey (*hug*) It gets better! Its a painful transition from the facts drilled into your head as an evangelical your entire life to your new way of thinking. Un-doing brainwashing is never an easy task But it gets easier with time.

As for your parents, i would show them the video. I e-mailed my mother the links to all the bible tells me so. She NEVER told me she watched it till like a month later, but she said it really got her to think.

 

Trust me, I understand what you're going through. I, like you, was taught to read the bible literally and all that. I was an evangelical WITH the bigotry. :tears: It's not something I'm proud of, but it's a part of my history I cannot ignore.

I can't tell you what the answers will be for you, but I suspect they'll bear resemblance to my answers, which is probably not what you were hoping to hear.

For me, I struggled all through high school and college. I tried all the "ex-gay" stuff short of actual ex-gay therapy. I kept trying to crush down my natural orientation in favor of "god's will." It didn't work.

A few months after college, my life basically fell apart, with everything from losing my financial aid to complete my internship to my car dying to living with horrible roommates, and of course, adding to all of that was my struggle to be straight. Literal bible reading evangelical Christianity had left me completely unprepared to deal with actual life problems, and after falling so hard I bounced off the bottom, my faith finally snapped, and in its wake was a deluge of hurt and pain and depression that drove me to open my dad's gun cabinet, load my shotgun, and head to the basement bathroom to blow my head off. Only a brief moment of lucidity as I stepped over my sleeping dog stopped me from doing myself in.

And from there, I tried reassembling the pieces of my shattered faith into something, anything at all. But, the more I searched for answers, the further from Christianity I found myself. After about two years, I finally got to a point where I felt comfortable enough with myself to begin considering my sexuality again, and it was after that when I finally came out. The final blow to any Christian inklings I still had came shortly after I came out. I decided to talk to my pastor and come out to him, and when I did, there was a brief moment of reaction from my pastor where it was as though I had unzipped my Al suit and revealed myself to be a demon or monster.

And that was it. From there, I set off on a new journey to try finding the path that was right for me. Ultimately, it's led me to here, an Atheistic Agnostic Pantheist who believes that there might be higher spiritual aspects to the Universe and is very loudly and very proudly gay.


I know, that was long, but I tell you all of this hoping there are some insights in there you can use. I can't tell you your answers, but I suspect that in the battle of orientation versus your faith, your faith, or at least some aspects thereof, will inevitably have to be the thing to fall. I KNOW that the journey's not going to be an easy one, or a painless one, as much as I hate to say it and wish I could say otherwise.

My advice? Question everything. Take some time and seriously reevaluate all of your beliefs and all that you've been taught and all that you hold dear. Reevaluate ALL of it, not just the simple stuff like whether the bible's literal or mythical, but the big stuff, like whether you even believe in any gods, whether there is any inherent value in religion, whether there is a heaven or hell or reincarnation or any kind of afterlife at all, and whether the people in your life are the right people and the right influences. Research other manners of belief and see what they have to offer, then consider them and integrate and/or ignore as appropriate. (and I'd recommend checking out beliefnet.com, as their boards are intended for all manners of belief)

Yes, it will be sometimes a hard and sometimes a painful process, but trust me, if you reevaluate EVERYTHING and determine what it is that you TRULY believe, you will be a much stronger person for having done so.

And if you have any questions or anything else I can help with, please do not hesistate to find me around here and ask.

(*hug*)(*hug*)

 

(!)If you take things literally in the Bible you're goin to become a murderer of epic proportions.(!) There's a lot of verses that say "stone to death." And I'm hoping, that you are not doing that.(!) But at the same time not doing so is wrong and against the Bible...does that mean you should go stone yourself? Nah. (!)

It's all about interpretation. (!)(!)(!!)

I seen probably (!)the best take on religion in a movie called Because The Bible Tells Me So located in the LBGST section. (!)The bible can be interpreted any way, depending on the reader. But it should never be taken literally because it was written in old times, and this is modern society. lol At least thats my opinion. (!)

 

oh if you follow the bible basically everythigns a sin your doomed to hell no matter what lots of death and basically nothings fair in life... but shouldent let that stop ya living it to the full dont let a book hold you back experience what this world has to offer your only limitation is yourself

 

take a look at my thread (religion + homosexuality = possible?)

 

Eh.
You're better off without religion in any case. Tons of people have found ways around the "rules" in the bible, but that's just the same as picking and choosing what you want to believe. (You don't believe Leviticus, but you believe the Ten Commandments. Same thing as picking bible verses really.) Also, it's far easier to just say, "God doesn't exist" than have to explain to everyone why you believe this super special invisible man wants you to live with him forever.

Interestingly enough, my first step towards atheism was when I found out that you could go to hell for being gay. "What a load of bullshit.," I thought to myself, "And come to think of it, creation doesn't really make any sense either... Maybe, there isn't proof of God because there isn't a God."
There's a quick summary of how I came to my own decisions about religion. Of course, it took alot longer than that. The hardest thing to break away from in regards to God was the idea that all these people I knew who had died were really dead. They weren't watching over me or any such nonsense. They just stopped being. It's hard to give that up.

I would agree with xequar. Don't feel bad about reevaluating something that, for all intents and purposes, is ridiculous. Don't think of it as running from your religion so much as your religion showing it's true colours (and you realizing those colours totally clash with your outfit).

I hope you feel better about this.

 

I'd say give it time. You might have to feel worse before you feel better.

I don't think you need to abandon your religious beliefs completely, but think about what you've been taught in a more critical way. There isn't a true 'right' and a true 'wrong' in my opinion, but I tend to be a 'live and let live' kind of person.

There ARE religious orders that accept homosexuality. Perhaps you need to look into those. (Not sure many will be in Texas, but it's something to think about.)

In the end, just talking about this stuff might help to relieve the pressure that has built up in your head and in your heart. If you ever want to chat about it with me, just let me know!

 

Interesting. The concept of Heaven is what finally did it for me. According to all I had been taught, Heaven was supposed to be paradise and there was no sin because I'd be in the eternal presense and servitude of god. But, if it's paradise and I want to play Grand Theft Auto, well, um, I couldn't, and what's that eternal servitude crap? Didn't sound like paradise to me. So, what reason did I have to WANT to go to Heaven? It spiraled from there.

Now, for the record, and I know you weren't saying otherwise, I'm not saying to abandon all beliefs. I'm advocating a complete reevaluation of them, and retaining and discarding as appropriate.


Like I said, I'm happy to help in whatever way I can. (*hug*)

 

I am from South Carolina, raised southern baptist. I heard the condemnation of homosexuality all my life as a child. I am now a 21 year old student just coming into my own as a gay man. In many ways I haven't even scratched the surface. First of all, just take a second to revel in you bravery to come here, to this place where you actually have the courage to express your thoughts about your self honestly. That is big and something that I couldn't have done before last June when I came out to my sister.

I want to try and offer some hope to you. My parents were very vocal about their opinions on gays which wasn't nice and included hell fire. Once I came out to them though they both understand that I and you cannot control being gay anymore than we can control being right or left handed. Their biggest concern now is for me to be in love and to be happy. I had a talk with my mom for the first time about my love life and about this guy I have been talking to. Words can't express the relief that I get from having my mother at my side to offer advice about love because she is one of my best friends.

I know that for me all things change as you get older and once you come into your self. Don't lose faith. Whenever someone talks of Sadam and Gamora or Leveticus take it with a grain of salt. The Bible and most the people who quote it do so in a biased manner. I mean come on, women are basically property in during that time; it wasn't right and the same thing can be said about homosexuality. I think our biggest concerns need to be about finding love in this life as well as pushing for our rights as equal citizens. I don't know about you but I would really like to have a big tacky wedding if that be my choice.

I think that at some point the desire to live life will conquer the fear to hide. Honestly, I am somewhere between the hiding and living. For right now though it feels like the right place to be in and I feel like I am moving in the right direction.

Don't lose faith in yourself, your courage or your worth as a human being.

 

:lol:

I'll take Sodom and Gomorrah with a pinch of Lot's wife!
I love unintended puns.

 

I find it funny that people use the Bible to condemn homosexuality. The Bible refers to homosexual acts as "abominations" in the same way it refers to consuming shrimp as an "abomination". Not to mention the Bible condones slavery, misogyny, and killing adulterers. Jesus had a lot of good things to say, but man that Old Testament could get ugly.

 

Good thing the whole point of Jesus dieing was to BREAK the covenant of the old testament. As far as christianity is concerned, we do NOT live under the law of the old testament. It is there to serve as a story, background info, and a reminder to us.

As far as i PERSONALLY am concerned, i as a Christian am supposed to be "Christ like" and thats it. I follow Christ, the son of God. Not Paul, not Moses, not ANY human. Paul was a great guy and all, but he was not exactly Mr. Perfect and its wrong to idolize him or any other human in the way some churchs do (by taking his every word to the letter as law). So if you want to be Christ like, your not only ACCEPTING homosexuals, but you should be out there marching WITH them FOR them even if you are not one of them. Thats what Christ would have done. Look who he hung out with when he was on earth. Leapers, Whores, Women, other Races, Poor people, yea....not exactly the 'A' list of Hollywood. Jesus had all the main stream religious people mad at him for being too "radical". I find that to be an interesting parralel to the churchs labeled "radical" by the mainstream conservative ones, they are all liberal. (Sure we have the WBC, but thats almost like a parralel to the Zelots, the SUPER conservatives of the bible times)

I am Gay. I am Christian. If you dont like it, im going to flip you the finger, say "Fuck You", kiss the nearest man infront of you, then walk away.