It's long, I'm sorry.:eusa_sile So my mom confronted me about my sexuality last Thursday afternoon and i have no idea how to deal with it mentally and emotionally, I'm just not ready. I mean i knew she suspected a little bit but it was nothing i had to worry about. Until Thursday. This is what happened: That morning she put forth the question if she asked me something would i answer honestly and i replied with depending on the question etc. and that maybe i wouldn't have an answer to give, but she didn't end up asking any questions. We both just went on with our day and my mom eventually went out to a doctors appointment. I sort of started freaking out once she left, thinking she might know more then i thought she knew, even though the question she wanted to ask could have been a myriad of things. Anyways i ended up having a mild anxiety attack, then ignored the whole situation for the most part. A couple of hours later my mom came home from the doctors and from shopping and having put everything away we both settled down on the couch, with me playing the xbox and with her on the laptop. After awhile she put down the laptop and with a serious, troubled and concerned look on her face said she just had to ask me something. Mild panic. Then the question, Are you gay?. Major panic. Mind and heart racing, thinking quick say something! resulted in me blurting out Why? The conversation continued something like this: Me: Why? Mom: Well I've got my answer, thats a yes and now i know. Me: No. You cant know because i don't even know. She went on to tell me how she came about "knowing", apparently fricken hotmail didn't sign me out of my email properly and there was a post update from Gayteenforum, which i don't even go to anymore now that i have found EC and then when she was at the doctors she asked some questions mainly "what am i supposed to do" and my doctor advised her to put forth the question and if i said no then it was a no and if i said yes or if i tried to avoid it then i would be confirming her theory. (My doctors totally awesome btw, I've been seeing her since i was a kid and has been treating my family as well, so its not weird at all for my mom to go to her for this kind of thing. Plus now i know that my doc is supportive of gays and actually has a gay sister, so thats an upside i guess.) We talked for about and hour or so until my dad came home from work, we covered the fact that she still loves me whether im gay or not and that there really isn't anything she can do to help and she promised not to tell anyone. She also asked why i didn't come to her before about this, i think she might have been a little hurt about that. Anyways back to the present, its all too much too soon. I like to have control over these sorts of things. Everything's weird and awkward. I feel like I'm on display. I understand that she felt like she had no other option, that somehow it was her duty as a mother to ask but i hate her for doing it, i hate her for making everything harder then it already was and most of all i hate myself for not being able to lie. I mean i know it could have been a lot worse then what did happen, but its just this on top of my anxiety disorder and depression and other issues I'm already struggling to deal with, plus the type of person i am, makes it a whole lot worse then it may sound. I'm stressed out and anxious. anyways thanks for listening:love:....
well I totally understand that u dont like it that she put it forward, especially since your not sure yourself. I really don't know what to tell you because it really sucks for you....good luck with it try and try to stay calm
I don't blame your mother at all. She probably assumed (naturally) that you were already positive that you were gay, but simply didn't know how to tell her. She felt that by broaching the subject first, she'd save you from having to figure out how to do it. Which, for many of us, would've been a nice gesture. So I'd say thank her for doing so, but you actually still aren't sure, but you'll keep her informed. Lex
Firstly (*hug*). While basically coming out as confused or unsure can be rather overwhelming, at least you know your mum will support whatever you discover yourself to be. (Which I hope you find out soon too btw, but we can't rush these things!) You mention in your post that your mum was slightly let down with the fact that you hadn't told her that you were confused about your sexuality. It sounds to me like she wants you to be open with things, no matter how sticky the situation is (Remember: She seems to have not beaten around the bush and asked you directly about it, which can take balls - as she may not know how you would react to such a question). Her asking you is throwing the lines of communication open. I advise you use them. She obviously wants to know what's going on and cares about you. Alternatively, as her curiousness seems to have provoked Stress and anxiety in you, you may wish to chose to even ask her to, well - to put it kindly, butt out of it for a while. Some people like dealing with things on their own (and using tools such as this website) to find themselves. Don't shut her out completely- just until you can get a firm grasp on the situation and the dust has settled.
your mom asking you is way less stressful then if you had decided to go to her. and she supports you from what i can tell. your mom rocks.
While you are in this period of self-discovery, I think it is a great thing to have a mom who is on your side regardless of the outcome. To be assured of her love is a gift to be cherished, so many of us don't have the benefit of a family (member) like that. Even in the days of trying to figure things out, the closet can be a very lonely place, at least you have a hand reaching in to help you out when you are ready. Be honest with your mother about your situation, that you are still discerning this aspect of yourself---that to stick a label on you isn't fair to you, because you just aren't sure of anything. First and foremost, remember to be patient with her; while you are going through this time don't sink in on yourself. Remember the other people in your life and try not to alienate them. Yes, there will be many private things which should be shared with no one, but little in our lives is so private as to be ineffable, especially to our moms. Believe me you will need a relationship with her to go through this process. Be at peace my friend, and take things one day at a time. The past is the past, the future does not yet exist, all we have is this present moment and it is fleeting---live in it.
Ah yes, the parental sexuality confrontational question... My parents did this to me about six different times, starting when I was either in late Junior High or early High School and continuing on until I was in college. Of course, I knew the answer, but being asked in such a serious manner by my parents only served to drive me further into the closet. Their reassurances that they would love me no matter what, although well-intended and ultimately truthful, did nothing to entice me to come out to them. Oh well, at least it worked out well for our OP.
hey, u were forced out too! i was and what a night it turned out to be. at least your mom didnt call it 'sinful'... but anyways, it may seem to fast for you, as it did for me, but its not so bad. i look at it as my parents saving me the trouble of having to do it myself. itll pass and youll get used to it.
i agree with ginuhfur. sux she said it to u be4 u wanted to tell her but seems like shes cool with it. maybe it wont be so weird after while.
She probably thought that hiding this from your parents might be contributing to your depression and anxiety. And she's probably right. So let it go. Accept that she knows. Take comfort from the fact that she loves you and supports you. Put the whole 'gay issue' to one side now and work on some of the other stuff that's bothering you. Good luck!
in one way im jealous that your mom brought it up so nicely to you. she didn freak out at you first when she say the email and even sought advice from a doctor before talking to you, wich shows even she did not know how to deal with the situation, but had the courage to find out first. your mom rocks.
Thank you all for the advice, your comments have helped. I do appreciate my mom and how lucky i am that shes so accepting and i think i over reacted with some of the things i said before, I don't hate my mom or blame her, but i do not like the fact that these things happened. I just do not like having things i wanted kept private out in the open. Maybe im more afraid that i will now have to face the issue of my sexuality rather than ignoring it. Who knows maybe this will give me the push i need. I guess ill have to wait and see how things progress. You absolutely right, thank you for this insight, I didn't think of it that way. I usually pride myself of being able to view things from multiple perspectives but i failed to do so this time.
Weirdest thing! EXACT thing happened to me but with fb instead, she told me and I locked myself in my room for the rest of the day crying Like she brings it up sometimes, and I flat out ignore her. I have not the slightest clue if she accepts it, or if sheaccepts it because she loves me :x
