I've been in the closet a long time and still am, partly because I was lucky enough to marry a woman who also didn't realize she was gay. It's a strange family unit, and if we're being entirely honest, both of us are bi because we managed to make this marriage work and have kids, but making an exception to our natures for each other doesn't feel like being bi. It feels more like a married a man with woman parts who married a woman with man parts. In our defense, we came of age in the 80s, and it will never be the same for us as it will be for our kids, who see gay people and don't think it's any different from other relationships. Recently, my daughter turned ten. She's incredibly thoughtful and probably already knows Mommy and Daddy are gay, but it's important for me to be honest with her. To be completely me. I don't think I would even be thinking about telling her today if not for my parents severing ties with us this morning via letter. We rent from them and they felt slighted because we haven't tried to spend more time with them over the last month, so they raised our rent and taped a nasty letter to our door. These are the parents that still, to some degree, inspire my decision to hide who I really am from the larger world and my children. It feels appropriate somehow to tell my daughter today and make it so everyone I care about and who cares about me knows me as I really am.
I'm not certain I would tell a 10 y/o. ---------- Post added 26th Sep 2016 at 01:07 PM ---------- Also are you and your wife staying together or separating?
I'm afraid I have to disagree with 108 on this one. As a father of two children, I can tell you that there is literally nothing you cannot tell a child. The important part is to tell them in age-appropriate ways. With a 10 year old you wouldn't describe the sexual aspects, for example. But a 10 year old understands the idea of love, and the child can understand loving feelings. If your child has already been taught (I hope) that people can love any gender, then it shouldn't be a big leap. From your post, it sounds like you will handle it in an appropriate way for your daughter and I think it will turn out to be fine. My relationship with my kids has already improved since I came out to them. I know it's because I'm more open and honest with them now, and less reserved, no longer depressed, and have a better outlook on life. Of course they naturally respond to the changes in me, and we're closer now than ever. Good luck to you!
If the child's parents separate, it could cause issues with misplaced blame and negative feelings about the situation when their parents come out. It could potentially cause a twinge of homophobia down the road. That would be my only concern. 10 years old is still very underdeveloped emotionally.
It went well. The emotion my coming out elicited was, honestly, delight. My daughter reacted as though I just told her we're adopting a puppy. Imgay47 hit the nail on the head with the truism that kids can handle pretty much anything. My daughter wasn't even shocked to learn her mother is gay, as she already suspected from her reaction to attractive women on tv. I won't deny that some ten year olds are probably "underdeveloped emotionally," but aren't all of us?
Fantastic! Well done you!! I came out to my daughter a couple of weeks ago, she was cool with it too (she's 19) I think their reaction is mainly down to their parenting previously. And it seems you've done a fab job of bringing up an open minded and accepting young lady . *nod* *hugs*
Glad it turned out positively! You'll have to forgive my unintentional negativity its in my nature to plan for worst case scenarios.
