I've been wanting to tell my mother I'm gay for a long time now. I missed my comming out date which was set for the 26th of january. Its been eating me up for a while. I've told only the closests of friends but I'm in a sort of catch 22 in my point of view. The reason I missed that date was becasue of my aunt. In fact most of the dates Ive set to come out in the past 2 years were blown out of the way because of some sort of event. I'm tierd of it. I dont want to feel as though I'm taking the "spot light"...focus away from my aunt but I'm tierd of being sad because I have no life outside of school and work. I want to live but I dont want to cause more "emotional stress" on my family than their already is but I've passed my stress limit to the point where it is effecting me negatively and spewing into my everyday life. My family is depressed enough as it is that our aunt is going to die and after a death there is usually a period of depression that lasts for a while. My mother is already on depression medication and I dont want to jolt something in her that might make it worse. I dont know what to do. :eusa_doh:
Hi there! Given the circumstances which you are facing in terms of your family, do you think it would be okay to hold off coming out to your mom? Maybe try not to put a date to your 'coming out.' Placing yourself on some artificial deadline could make you even more nervous and/or lets you feel even more down, if it does not happen. Rather than putting a date to your coming out, maybe just tell yourself, "I'm ready to come out, whenever it happens. But I know it will happen." You have said that it's eating away at you and that you do want to say something, but maybe give it another thought. When you do come out to your mum, or family, you do want to make sure that they listen to you, and have the time to respond to you. At times when we find ourselves in stressful situations, or situations already hard to deal with, we say things that we might not mean or don't have any reactions at all because we are not listening. In meantime maybe confide in your friends, stay in touch with them as much as possible. In many respects you are already open about yourself. If you can, focus on that for a while, or until you can come out to your mum. Hope this helps a bit.
Remember that you're important too. And you're mourning the loss of your aunt. And you are having this problem. So it shouldn't always be about other people. You aren't responsible for how they feel. You are responsible for how YOU feel. And if you need to share this now because it is bothering you (and I believe that it is - I felt the same) then you should share it with them.
