Hi everyone, my name is Reny, I'm fifteen and I really want to come out. But I'm petrified. I think I'm ready, but maybe I should wait a little longer (I'll explain why) but I thought I should ask around first. So, here it goes... I'm not straight and I've been denying it for a while. I've been sheltered from gay people my whole life and it was until a couple years ago that I really understood what gay meant. Maybe a week or so ago I joined this site and things just snapped in place. I'm bisexual. Before then, maybe for a year or so, I've been questioning myself. I've known for a while I like girls but now I've come to a conclusion of how to define my sexuality. I've become happier now, but I haven't told anyone. The thought of coming out really scares me. My mom is homophobic, sexist, and somewhat racist. She's also bipolar and I'm afraid that she'll do something to me. I could take a slap in the face or something, but she would find something to blame. Maybe people at school, books I read, but probably the internet. I'm not one of those people who can't live without the internet, but I think someone looking through my browsing history is a total invasion of my privacy. She might snoop through my room when I'm not there. She would go through my Facebook messages or texts. (She has the passwords-not much I can do about it) Once I came out to her -I don't know how she would react- but I know I would feel like my level of equality would go down. Maybe she would make me do more chores just because I'm bi, or expect my grades to be higher (I'm a straight-no puns-A student, there's not a very high chance of my grades improving). Maybe I'm dramatic or paranoid, but I'm so scared. I have a good relationship with my dad. I hug him everyday and I can always talk and laugh with him. I'm sure he would accept me, but I'm still so worried he would just disown me. I'm not worried about coming out at school much at all. I don't have many friends, I have social anxiety. I know my best friend, we've been friends since we were babies, would totally accept me. My other best friend would too. I don't really give a f*ck about anyone else. If anything, I could make friends coming out. I'm nervous on how the community would view me. Adults especially. Teachers, neighbours, employers. I live in a small town, so the word that the shy, Christian girl likes girls would get around fast. People who are out just seem so happy. I want to be free of the invisible weight on my shoulders. It's my family that worries me the most. I want to come out, not necessarily now, but sometime soon. Coming out is like relief. What do you guys think? :help:
Hello Reny, Well first congrats on coming out to yourself. It must be scary and I can totally relate to that. First thing I would suggest is try to come out to your friends and father first. The more positive experiences you have the less struggle you will have telling your mom. However if you feel you are going to be in serious danger, have a plan to live with your dad or hold off until you're older. Your safety comes first. I think it will go well with your dad. You sound confidant talking about him and we tend to plague ourselves with the what ifs to the point we drive ourselves insane. I might be unpopular here but you don't have to disclose your sexuality to employers, teachers, the old lady two doors down. It's none of their business but that's my personal opinion. The only one I will tell you to come out to is your doctor. This is for obvious health reasons. I never met a doctor who gave me the stink eye for saying I have had sex with women. Most say thanks and move on. But I would say if you are most confidant about your friends start there. You're already doing so well!
