OMG But not really. Yesterday I told a friend who knows me as a gay (wo)man that I have a strong issue with my gender and my body. I hadn't planned this...it just kinda came out in the course of a conversation about sexualities. She was asking questions about gay women, and I just couldn't keep up the subterfuge. I don't feel like a lesbian I feel like a guy. Tried to explain myself. Now I keep feeling like I should be terrified but I dont. It's who I am and I just don't know if I can keep it in a box any more... She did seem just a little taken by surprise....just a wee bit awkward. Maybe I was wrong to do this? The energy between us seemed to change afterwards... Dunno...I just couldn't stop myself. Ok I am feeling a little strange this morning. She was OK with it but it changed the vibe somehow.
Frankly, Ben, Barbatus and I were having a similar discussion very recently. I would bet that she simply has no point of reference to really understand what you told her. Most mono-sexuals can't comprehend the realities of non-linear sexuality that bisexual people deal with, let alone gender issues. Chances are that it will take time for her to come to terms with what you told her and she may end up asking you more questions (maybe many more). But doesn't it feel pretty good to have opened up to yet another person in the meantime? Take Care.
:icon_biggThe person concerned is used to the idea of gay folk....but I think this is new territory to her...she asked a lot of questions...I tried to answer in a way she could understand...I did ask if she was shocked: she said no but then we changed subject before returning to the topic. I can see that she needs time to think! and to process what I said. Silly of me to expect another person to comprehend 35 years of self exploration and discovery in five minutes! And I know she had no idea: the idea hadn't crossed her mind: she had just thought I was a lesbian with kind of masculine tastes in clothes and stuff. But she has been a friend I share all my personal shit with and I just couldnt keep lying to her. Ok it was a white lie but .... I am a little afraid because I think the TIME has come. I didn't even plan this. But I know I am going to do it again. At least with my close friends. Subterfuge sucks. But yeah I feel good:icon_bigg
Go for it, Ben! I know you are fully aware of this, but if any of the close friends you open up to rejects you, they weren't really your friend in the first place and don't belong in your social circle. And, yeah, subterfuge really does suck! Hopefully, after you come out to your other close friends, as well, you will be more at ease with yourself simply from the standpoint that you don't have to pretend about anything with them anymore! Best of luck!
