Hi, This year has been a huge step in terms of me coming out. Before the start of this year I was only out to my best friend. Now I have started working as a teacher at a new school and have been open about my sexuality (lesbian) with my work mates and have received nothing but kindness and support which is great. I have also come out to all of my friends and new people I meet- if appropriate. This was tricky at the start but the more and more I did it the better I felt and happier I felt. This year I have also moved out of my parents house, I told myself once I did this coming out to them and my family would be easy, because if they took it bad I wouldn't care. Knowing my parents, I know that they will take it negatively as they have made a lot of homophobic comments in the past. However I still find my self even too scared to tell them. I am still scared of losing them. I feel like I am having to lie about a huge part of my life whenever I visit them. Can anyone please give me advice, what helped you get through? What helped you come out?
Ok I have taken an attitude that I will probably tell people I am close to....when and as it arises ...but not those who are negative or disinterested.....What would motivate you to tell your parents to begin with if they are homophobic? Ok so I see you have said you dont' want to lie to them when you visit...I would just stop the lieing....let it out in a natural way as it arises...my parents express no interest in my private life so...but if I was asked I wont lie. But of course they never ask. Is that a lie? If one just omits infomation that is never requested? I am also much older than you. I think perhaps with parents like yours you may want to wait before you reveal anything (even though you have moved out) until you feel more secure socially without them. blessings
How long ago? You don't say they make homophobic comments recently or regularly. I'm not trying to downplay the destructive power their words must have had on you while growing up, but I'm asking you to clarify if their comments are currently negative towards LGBT and how recently you last heard a comment like that. While I didn't have homophobic parents, I did have very homophobic extended family that had a powerful influence on me while growing up and was a big part of my shame. Since my parents were silent on all things LGBT, I had nothing in my life to tell me that it was ok to be gay. I believed that if anyone in my family knew that I liked boys, they would be terribly ashamed of me. I couldn't handle that, and so I suppressed it for a long time. Some people are simply going to harbor hateful views for their entire lives, and nothing anyone can say or do is going to change it. Others have the capacity to change their viewpoint based upon the changing progress of LGBT acceptance in society at large. I don't know which group your parents belong to. But just because a person has expressed anti-LGBT words and beliefs doesn't mean they still do today. So, based upon your interactions with your parents, have they continued to say negative things about gay people or have they been pretty silent in the last few years? Last point - if your parents are the former group (those who are going to harbor hateful views their entire lives), then telling them now will be no different than telling them a year from now, or even longer. So, you will also need to think about whether you are willing to hide your sexuality forever from them? Not ever letting them see the real you will probably continue to strain your relationship with them and may be harder to live with in the long run than you realize now. These are difficult decisions, and there really is no wrong answer here. My intention is not to persuade you either way, just to give you additional things to think about to help you make a decision. I wish you well.
