(Sorry for the really long post, I just don't know what to think) So here's what's going on: Turns out my best friend (who I've known since I could talk) is homophobic. I recently reconnected with him after 2-3 years of no contact (I'm a musician and he's an athlete; we never really had time to hang out anymore), and he showed me a new side to him that I never noticed. At one point when we were hanging out, he asked if I had a girlfriend/liked anyone. I responded that I'm not really into dating (I didn't want to suddenly come out to him, I've always been really nervous about that kind of stuff). I guess he took that as a metaphor for being gay, because he responded with something along the lines of "please don't tell me you're one of those fags". I asked him why he's saying things like that, and he would cite religion or just say "those kind of people are crazy". I eventually just dropped the subject and continued to hang out for the day. I have no bloody idea how to react to this. I have a couple options. 1: Come out to him. I'm uncertain about this. Usually I don't mind what people think, but he lives in my old town (where most of my non-immediate family lives). I'm afraid if I come out to him, word'll get out to them. 2: I can just ignore him I'd rather not, kind of a dick move. It's obvious that I'm hiding something if I ignore him. I also would not like to resort to this. 3: Fake it Pretend to be straight, and hide who I really am. This is what I REALLY don't want to do. Reason being is that I have a boyfriend. That, and it goes against my personality and what I stand for (my music is about equality and living life, not caring what people think about the inevitable like this). I'm a fairly "straight" acting guy (meaning I go completely against "gay" stereotypes). So I don't think he really suspects besides that one short conversation. I don't know what to do, and with every option there is its drawback. I need your opinion (whoever the hell is reading this), how should I go about this situation? Thanks in advance to any and all replies :help:
I guess your family is going to find out soon or later don't be ashamed of who you are I would just tell him and if he doesn't like it that's his problem you shouldn't have to hide who you are. but it's up to do what your heart tells you
Perhaps it's now time to come out to your family. Regarding your friend: I say be honest. If he has a problem with it, do you really want to be friends with a homophobe anyway? By the way, how good of a friend is he really since you've had no contact in years. Despite that you used to be close, you aren't really anymore. This could also be the catalyst for your friend to re-examine his homophobic beliefs. Perhaps he won't, but that's not your problem. Is your mom strong enough to stand up to the relatives?
I don't think I'd want that kind of 'friend' anyway, really. Maybe pre-warn your Mum, so she's not spoken to off guard? xx
Hi 3n, I think I can relate to what you're saying. Some of my oldest friends aren't always very accepting of lgbt people. And I don't know how I'm ever going to come out to them. I know I might not see them as much anymore and we are not as close as we used to be - but they are still my best friends and my ties to my hometown and my past. I spent some of the best times in my life with them guys and still do when we meet up, I just don't want all that to be ruined by me coming out. But at the same time, the guys above are right! Why stress out so much about being friends with someone you're not that close with anyway. If he's accepting, than great! If not, how much are you really losing? At least you don't have to worry about hiding around him anymore. Hope this helps a little! (It's something I need to keep reminding myself of as well )
As others in this thread, if he's accepting, then great; if not, then he's not worth the time. I know the latter can be hard to say about a best friend you've known for that long, but if he can't accept you for you, and if he'll try to put you down about your sexuality, is preserving the friendship really worth it? And keep this in mind: he's just one person out of many in the world. If you lose connection with him, there's others out there who will accept and support you whom you can befriend. You just haven't met them yet.
