So here is my story. I don't know if it exactly belongs here because I didn't come out to anyone yet, but I guess I should start somewhere. I've been reading all these posts for months now, and recently read a lot of pages and I must say it's an amazing place to gain support and find friends. I'm 19; I have known that I was gay since I was 12 but admitted it to myself only a few years back. I am in college, but I don't live in a dorm or anything; I travel there every day. I don't have that many friends in college, and the contact with my former friends has pretty much been lost since most of them moved on to their lives. I am living with my father and my brother. The problem is... I feel like I'm just standing still and not moving. I know I'm gay yet I've never had a boyfriend, and I'm just standing in this one place, looking at how people live their life, while I am wasting it, I guess. There is nothing stopping me from coming out, except the usual fear of disappointing my father. I just can't get myself moving... Could it be because I have nobody else to rely on? I don't have that many friends (I prefer to stay on a distance; I don't know why) and if I did come out, I'd have absolutely nobody to comfort me or support me. It's just me and nobody else. I can't handle everything myself, and if I lost the only thing I had (my family) I don't know how I'd survive. I want to finally enjoy life, I want this endless boring routine to stop, but I feel like I'm frozen in place. Life can't end here, I'm suppose to have fun at this age and feel free to be myself... Anyway, I'm sorry if I posted this in the wrong place, but I just wanted to tell my story... I feel weird even writing it, it seems like I'm just whining.
It could be. Try going to a queer club on campus. Or try joining a social group. Tell me more about your family. Do you think they'd really abandon you if they found out or is it more a 50/50 thing? Whats your mom like? (is she hot?)
I can tell you first hand (I've not been here that long myself) that you never have to worry if you think it sounds like your whining Lots of people here have been in similar situations.
Well, first of all, you're not whining. Everyone has their right for a "me-moment" now and then. And this thread can be yours! Couldn't it be that you have no one to rely on because you're afraid to rely on people? For fear of them abandoning you when you tell them you're gay? It's hard to rely on people if you are afraid to reveal anything about yourself. It's very much possible that you have better friends than you think. I know I only found out fully how awesome some of my friends are after allowing myself to open up more to them. And even if it is only one person that you're telling this to, it makes a world of difference. If you have no friends to trust it might make sense to see if there is a GLBT support group in your college? Also, there is really no timeframe. 19 is still young. And there is no use in having a timetable when you're "supposed" to have a boyfriend. First allow yourself to be entirely comfortable with the idea of being gay. And if it takes some time it takes some time.
We don't have those type of clubs or social groups in my country. I don't know if they'd abandon me. I've discussed about gay/lesbian stories with my father and he didn't seem angry nor did he insult them, because I was talking about how many bad things are going on in the world and that gay/lesbian isn't the worst thing that can happen. I'm sure he didn't think much about it, but when I look at it, it's just easy to see. My mom died a year ago.
As I've said in the previous post, we don't have those type of support groups. I know 19 isn't old, but for me it's kinda late. Most of my friends started exploring love and sexuality even before high school, years ago, and all that time I was pretty much without anyone. I do have good friends, but you never know how they'd react to something like that. I don't know why I keep myself away from people. Up until now I didn't have problems with it, but in college it's like I just don't care about socializing anymore, and it's quite bad when I can't talk to anyone there.
Hey there! Welcome to EC! I can relate to your situation a little bit. I am in college and not out to any of my family that I still live with. You say that you feel like your standing still, is this because you want to come out to your dad and brother? If you truly want to enjoy life you will have to do what makes you happy. I know it is a lot easier said than done. I def think that you joining EC was a great thing to do, the first thing you need in all of this is a support group, and we are all here for you! If you ever need to talk or anything shoot me a wall post! And sorry to hear about your mom.
id say u put this under the right section. and i know what u mean about feeling left behind- im there right now. i feel lke everyone i know is leaving me in the dust while they all go on with their relationships. im completely jealous, but i know ill find someone some day. as for telling your father and brother, tell them when u feel ready and when u do, im sure that theyll take it well. they already know what its like to lose a family member (sorry about your mom, by the way) so im sure they wont reject you. and it doesnt seem that your dad has anything against gay ppl so im sure itll go fine. and if he takes it well, so will your bro.
Well, all i want to add in (sorry if this has been said)... Maybe the reason your NOT making friends so easy is that your remaining distant because of being closted? I know living a closeted life can make you very distant and can make lieing almost a second language. Its not like that for everyone, but for me atleast i was the most shy, distant person ever because this secret was eating me up inside. But when i let go, i became a very open person and i strengthened many relationships and made some new ones. The same might happen with you. Of course, that can only come when your 100% out when you have one foot out the door one foot in, it can almost be harder cause your trying to live a double life depending on whos around Well, thats just my two cents atleast. Id urge you to come out to some family you think are accepting, if you dont have any super close friends.
I've also moved three years ago, so super-close friendship are hard to build, especially when you come into a class where you already have friends with established connections. I agree with you on the possibility that the closet is holding me back. Maybe I just don't want to meet more people to lie to. The problem with me is, that I know all about this, but I feel like I won't come out for years. Being in one place is lonely and scary, but at least I don't hurt anyone with it or they don't hate me (this could also be the reason why).
Don't feel pressured to answer this, but: from which country are you? I'm writing this from a country where gay support groups aren't exactly too plentiful eiother, so I can relate. The few that I new of always seemed for other age groups than mine... Your fear of hurting other people is commendable, and it was what kept me back the whole time as well, but ultimately I found that no one in my friend group was hurt when I told them. If anything, they were more hurt because I didn't trust them before than because I was gay. And telling them does not need to be a prelude for weeks-long talking sessions about being gay. I know now I can run to any of my friends if I ever feel bad. And that's really enough to ensure I don't feel bad...
