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Well...this sucks.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Katherine, Mar 24, 2009.

  1. Katherine

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    A week or two after I joined this site and was finally starting to accept that I might be gay, guess what happened?

    I met a guy.

    This guy isn't just like a bunch of other guys. He's, like, the guy who I'd always dreamed of having when I was little. You know, the type who's super-sweet and funny and charming and who actually enjoys talking about video games and nerdy stuff for hours on end.

    And guess what else? He likes me. Within two weeks of us meeting, he asked me to a movie, and I said yeah, sure, why not? He's a really great guy, and I was kind of still in the "OMG SOMEONE LIKES ME I'M SUPER FLATTERED" stage.

    But here's the problem.

    After thinking about it for a few days (once my head cleared a little), I've started to have second thoughts. He's started to act romantic and extra-sweet towards me (guess he feels more comfortable doing it after he knows that I know he likes me) and it's making me uncomfortable. I think of kissing him and I can't stand it--I feel like I'm thinking of kissing a brother or something. I'm not even attracted to him.

    And that's why it sucks. This is honestly the type of guy I dreamed about when I was little, like the Prince Charming type. The type that I would be drooling over...if I was sure I was straight. I keep thinking, "If I were straight, I could be super-happy with him. I wouldn't be lonely. I'd have this great person in my life." But I can't. I just don't feel comfortable with it at all. I've even started consciously wishing he were a girl.

    So. Yeah. I'm almost positive I'm gay now.

    And I found out in the crappiest, lonliest way possible.

    And I don't even know what I'm supposed to tell him after I somehow make it through our date this Saturday.

    Help?
     
  2. rocking23

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    Hey there, I'm glad you started accepting yourself.

    My advice might be brief, but everyone will probably say it in some fashion or another:

    Don't get caught up in labels. Just live your life. If you meet a guy and like him, go for it. If you meet a girl and like her, go for it. The heart wants what the heart wants. And getting caught up in what you should or shouldn't be, such as the gay label, can be the worst way to really cause yourself to break down.

    Basically, what I'm saying is (I know it can be hard) just don't worry about calling yourself gay or straight, just live. And the one perfect for you, be it a guy or a gal will come.
     
  3. Pendrin2020

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    If it doesn't feel natural, don't do it. If it makes you uncomfortable, don't do it.

    Don't get caught up in the labels hun'.

    Just explain to him that you're going through some really crazy personal stuff and that this just isn't a good time for a relationship.

    or tell him the truth.

    "I'm sorry (insert name), I just... I just see you as too much of a brother, You know? I love spending time with you, and you're an amazing friend, but I'm just not ready for this to be a relationship. I've got some personal problems that I need to work on. Nothing serious, just private."

    If he asks how long until you're ready, just tell him you'll let him know.

    You don't owe him anything, Not even an a date, if you don't feel comfortable.
     
  4. marri

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    I know how that story goes

    im probobly not a good role model, but I've got a boyfriend and WOW so so so gay, I am... definetly, not a boy-liker... and it only becomes more and more apparent

    and I should break up with him, bla bla bla, I know, I won't go there
    but, I want to say, don't get too far into it, before its too late... I've been with my boyfriend for two years, I'm scared to let go of him, because its been so long, because hes an amazing guy, because he loves me, but thats not all that counts, this guy deserves to find some one else

    as far as what youre suposed to tell him goes, make it simple
     
  5. biisme

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    If you don't feel comfortable being with him, then you should probably tell him. However, you don't have to label yourself for him. You can tell him the truth adn say you are confused right now. You can say that you're leaning towards gay.

    Maybe he's the perfect guy, but not in a romantic way, but as a friend way.
     
  6. Maddy

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    Do you think he'd accept if you told him that you think you're gay? If he'd be open-minded about it, it might be a really good option. If you're not sure, you could tell him what you've told us - you think he's an awesome guy, but you just don't feel that spark, you see him more as a brother or friend.
     
  7. littleninja

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    Everyone here has given great advice, so I won't add to it. I will say that I understand this feeling. The first guy I dated is the one I should've married, but every time he touched me I wanted to squirm away. The second guy I dated, I held still, by force of will, just a little bit longer, but I couldn't bear to let him kiss me. Both were reasonably good looking, responsible, good guys who were ready and wanting a serious relationship. And I wanted space.

    It becomes clear to everyone in their own way. I was never truly certain until my girlfriend came along.
     
  8. Thisisnew

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    I would just say you feel like a brother to me and your a real good friend lets not mess that up.