(This is not the same user as the one who asked for help writing theirs) So I was wondering if you guys could help me edit my coming out letter. I just want to make it as good as possible before showing my parents in a few months' time. I have edited out certain info like names and stuff. Thank you guys. I wanna make sure I get this right. So here it goes... Dear Mom and Dad, Hey. So I have a couple of things I want to tell you. For a while now, a long while, I’ve been thinking about this and questioning it. It’s something I’ve wanted to tell you, but I knew I had to wait until I was sure it was how I felt. I'm not saying this to freak you out or anything, I just want you to know how seriously I’ve taken this. You’ve probably been having minor suspicions when I would do certain things like cutting my hair short or wearing more gender neutral clothing. Right now I am here to tell you the truth. I am transgender. I am not a girl, but I am also not a guy. I am non-binary, which is defined as a sort of umbrella term that encompasses all gender identities that are not strictly "girl" or "boy", and are thus outside the gender binary of male and female. I’m not sure exactly which non-binary label fits me, so I am using the umbrella term of non-binary. In terms of how I would like you to refer to me (name, pronouns, etc.), I would appreciate you using they/them/theirs pronouns when talking about me. Examples of how you can use these pronouns are: “They like to eat sushi”, “I like to talk to them”, “That shirt is theirs”, “Their room is right here”, etc. I would also ask that you call me (chosen name) or (nickname) in addition to whatever nicknames start to crop up. I have chosen that my middle name will be (chosen middle name) so that my middle name will be less feminine but will still ‘give a nod’ to my middle name by birth and for whom I was named. In terms of transitioning, I don’t want to medically transition (via hormones) or physically transition (via surgeries). I don’t feel it’s necessary to me at the moment. I am fine with taking progesterone because, in the end, having periods is healthier for me. In the near future, regardless of when I come out at school, I will wear clothes that are less feminine overall, like sweatshirts or plain t shirts. I would also appreciate you two letting me shop in the guy’s section for clothes as well as the girl’s section. Not only are guy’s clothes much more comfortable, but they are, for the most part, more in line with my gender identity. I may also consider undergoing exercises to lower my voice slightly, but only after extensively discussing it with (name of my producer) and reaching a decision on what will be best. I appreciate you taking the time to read this letter. If you have any questions or would like to find out more about what non-binary (sometimes referred to as genderqueer) is, I’ve attached multiple resources, and, besides that, you can always come to me to ask questions. I would suggest at least looking at the documents I provided entitled “Explaining Genderqueer to Those Who Are Not” and “So Your Child is Non-Binary”. If you want, all the others I provided may be helpful as well. Love, ~(full chosen name)
Hi Elliotzt2000, I think your letter is really fantastic. It's clear, concise and assertive without being defensive or aggressive. If I may make two suggestions. One, I think you can begin the opening paragraph with 'I have a couple of things I want to tell you.' and can drop the 'Hey. So'. I think the 'hey so' just introduces a small amount of hesitation and it just starts out slightly more confidently without them. Second, in the second paragraph would you be comfortable mentioning particular behaviour that might raise questions. So I'm thinking along the lines of things that you think your parents might find more difficult to understand - it might be that you could mention some to prepare them. I'm cisgender so I don't know if that is insensitive - I apologise if it is but your second paragraph is an opportunity to explain you gender identity and I just thought it would be a good opportunity to explain anything that you think they might have difficulty with. As I say just two suggestions, feel free to ignore them - I think your letter is fantastic. All the best.
I would add to this that if they make mistakes with your chosen names and pronouns that you will understand, but that you will correct them. If I was your father I would be a bit scared of making a mistake and upsetting you. After all its hard to break a habit, even with the best of intentions. What do you think? Also instead of just telling them what to do, can you tell them why? In terms of how you feel, not just in terms of a label, Tell them, in other words, how uncomfortable it makes you when people call you she or expect you to wear dresses. If I was your parent I would find that a more accessible communication. Just a suggestion ok? Maybe you see it differently. blessings and good luck!
Thank you both. I will definitely take this into consideration. All of what you said is actually really helpful (and no worries none of what you said bothered me)
