Coming to term with gay lifestyle

Dont think you ONLY have two options honey (*hug*)

There are ALWAYS more options! For instance, you can live a gay life in another city! Your on the East Coast? You could move to the West Coast and start over as a gay man. Sure, its not ideal, but its a way to escape telling your family if thats too hard (for awhile atleast) and if your friends would not be your friends then you get to make new ones.

^ THAT, i would only suggest if your living in a 'hell on earth' location were your family and friends and walking about with "god hates fag" signs. If you can manage to come out to your friends and family, thats much better.

Another thing you can do is slowly come out. You dont need to LEAP out of the closet all at once Tell a close friend, tell a relative who you like, something like that. Baby steps towards being out. You will find if you have enough people on your side, you can handle all the rejection in the world. Cause you will face some, and living openly gay is NOT for weak of heart and mind, but the good news? You DO NOT have to do it alone! (*hug*) You can rely on EC to be there for you, you can build up a support network and lean on them like a crutch. Draw your strength from others, never try and do it alone.

BUT i would strongly advise NOT choosing your 2) option. If you read some of the memories of gay people who never told anyone in there life, or gay men who married a woman, they are so lonley, depressing and horrible These men sacrifice there happiness, and for what? To blend in? Blending in is SO last year!

So, when your ready, i would choose another option that involves coming out, one step at a time. We will be here to help you every step of the way You can hide it if you need to hide it, just dont take too long or one day you will wake up and wonder were you life went. Good luck hon, and remember you have EC.

 

You are on the east coast where attitudes are generally more liberal than they are here in Texas. Really it has not been a problem for me. Yeah someone made a snide comment at dinner the other night, but we just returned it and went about our business.

I can't speak to your family situation. I can tell you that this is your life and you only get one shot at it. You need to live it in a way makes you happy. That is why I have decided to be open.

As for the gay lifestyle, mine is pretty much the same as every straight persons. I go to work, spend time with my friends, go to the gym, and spend time on my hobbies, and watch some TV if I have the time.

If I could go back 10 years and give myself one piece of advice it would be this. "Don't let the ignorance of others stop you from living you life."

 

i hate to say stupid stuff, but it actually is true. "follow your heart." everybody here is making, has to make, or has made their decision on this. for me, ive decided to slowly but surely come out of the closet because i feel that a life without finding a life partner is worse than a life keeping my current friends who do not accept who i really am. i am fortunate enough that my best friends have been accepting/supportive of me. good luck in whatever you choose

 

>>>I'm not sure I'll be able to face rejection, labelizing, discrimination and all the difficulties of being an openly gay man in 2009.

I can't speak for any cultural or family problems you might encounter, but as an openly gay man since the early 1990s, let me tell you about all the rejection, labeling, discrimination and difficulties I've encountered.

* There was this guy at work who stopped talking to me when he found out I was gay. I actually didn't notice.

* A friend of mine got some worried comments from his friends when he came to visit me, and took up my offer to crash on my couch. "What if he starts something?" "I don't think I"m his type." "What type is that?" "Gay."

* I can't legally marry my partner. We had a little get-together with a friend who is a notary, so we could handle some legal paperwork. Other friends brought gifts.

* It was harder to find a date. That's just law of averages. If 95% of guys are straight, that diminishes the availability pool.

Not exactly a horror story in the making, is it? And I live in Colorado. You know, the "hate state"? Dude, it's 2009. Once you get into a town of decent size, generally, nobody cares. Being openly gay isn't some sort of millstone you gotta wear around your neck. Being openly gay can totally and utterly kick ass.

Lex

 

Don't make more of a deal of it than you need to. Tell people you want to tell, and don't tell others. Live your life. It's not that big a deal. I didn't make any kind of grand announcement, and likely never will. But I'm gay, have a bf, go to 'the village' for drinks or to dance once in a while. At the same time, I work, care for my kids, etc. It is what you make it. Go for it!

 

You don't have 2 options, you have endless options.

Have relationships while being in the closet, half out even, the choice is yours.

 

I would love to be out to everyone if your ready I would come out. I hate the feeling that I am hiding who I am just to please people.Just go with your gut feeling.

 

Hi,

Reading your story, i sort of can relate to your story. I have the same problems of cultural and family issues(dont we all!) plus other dilemmas which i wrote a long story about here.

http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21633

However, as the days go by, i keep thinking of the deception that i doing to everyone and even to ourselves. Why am I doing this? to make them happy? to make them think i am happy? we all know the truth that we are not happy and hence i have made a decision to be treat myself with respect. I will eventually be out and I hope you too. Like you, I am also horrified and scared to death of the discrimination, labeling and rejection. However, to me, lying will be worse.

As cliche as it sounds, we all better off if we stay true to ourselves.

Good luck.

H