Let's start the story a little over a year ago. January 2008, just to make it simple. Then I thought I was straight, I'd never done the boyfriend thing, but I didn't think anything too much of it. January 2008: I get drunk at a party and I randomly announce that I wish I was a lesbian. Random, never a thought that had crossed my mind. I liked boys, and I always had liked boys. I loved gay people, and I definitely liked boys. March 2008: Spring break, drunk with about 8 of my best friends. I make out with each person there. The boys kissed all the girls, and the girls kissed all the boys AND all the girls. I had fun. Kissing girls is just as fun as kissing boys. I thought my friends thought the same thing, no. They did not think kissing girls was as fun as kissing boys and they would never do it again. That sorta got me thinking... March-June 2008: Seriously start to question. I like girls? Does that make me a lesbian? I like boys too? Ok, so I'm bi, yes? June 2008: Summer school. Allison and I sat next to each other in class, for 4 hours a day, 4 days a week for 5 weeks. We got really close and I started to have a crush on her. My first girl crush. This is a odd feeling. Maybe I'm just happy to meet a new friend. No, it was a crush. July 2008: A gay friend is in town, we get drunk (I swear I don't drink that much). We start talking about blow jobs and I said something about how I would prefer that the guy had a small penis if I was giving him a blow job. He turns to me and whispers (cause there were other people around) maybe you're a lesbian? And I say "well, maybe, uh, idk, kinda" we briefly talk about it a couple days (sober) later but don't get a chance to get too deep cause other people are around. October/November 2008: I start thinking... sexually, I like girls, and not boys. Ok so I'm gay and not bi, good bi just sounds like college girl trying to get attention, not my thing. Wow, can I come out as gay? No, I'll just stay closeted till I need to be out. December 2008: Go on two dates with a cute boy because...well he's a great guy, even tho I felt that most likely I was gay. Not to test my sexuality, just because it was something to do, I felt like people would start to wonder why a pretty, funny smart girl didn't have boys all over her. February 2009-Now: Start to feel like yes, I like girls, but I also like boys. Definitely. But man, I'm bi. Ok, so labels aren't so important, gotcha.... Ok so I'm bi. I'm not straight and I'm not gay, I'm just the grey area that isn't really anything, but just is. I guess I'm asking the bisexuals here (or anyone if they have an opinion really) how do you accept that you're not gay, not straight, but an awkward mix of the two? How do you get people to take your bisexuality serious, and not tell you that you're trying to get attention or actually gay and can't come out (fully) yet?
Honestly? Give them a copy of what you just wrote here. It sure as hell convinced ME that you like girls and boys. If you tell someone all that, and they STILL think your either gay or just curious then wow they are super ignorant. It does not get much more plan as day than how you put it. You like girls, you like boys. Done deal.
Well you seem to have accepted that you're bi, which is great! Most people, even the ones who identify as straight or gay, will be attracted to the other sex a little bit. I'm only sexually attracted to guys, but a little physically attracted to women. That little bit of physical attraction is quite pesky. But large numbers of people don't seem to think bisexuality exists. I don't know why, but they've made up their minds. YOU can be the person to change it though. Talk about it, but don't rub it in their face.
Most of the people I know, including myself, are convinced that everyone exists somewhere between gay and straight. I am mostly gay, but find certain, rare men attractive. I don't bother discussing my place on the continuum with people who aren't close to me. Right now, I'm in love with a woman. If, in the future, I fall in love with a man, I won't waste any time listening to their opinions on the subject. And you're right, about not labeling yourself. Just follow your instincts, love who you love, and try to forget about gender or people's opinions. It will eventually become clear to you, and you're the one who matters, in this case.
^ Agreed. We all sit somewhere on the gay-straight continuum. I was married to a woman for 9 years and didn't hate it. But now I realize that I prefer the company of men. I didn't 'switch'. I'm still me. I consider myself to be gay because I wouldn't pursue a relationship with another woman. But I'm obviously OK being with one.
I would say I'm gay but does that mean I will never find a guy hot and date him I don't know. Im closer to gay than bi as far as labels go people need to know we all fit somewhere on the rainbow
For me, I'm still having a hard time accepting the grey-ness of my sexuality. I'm just trying to be patient and hope it will become clear one day. Or, I just comfort myself with the thought that, when an individual comes along who I like, I'll just go for it with him or her, and what label you give yourself is so irrelevant when it comes to that. It's all about individual relationships with individual people, and the whole label thing is just a sideshow. In my opinion, acts are homosexual or heterosexual, but people? Not so much. We're just... sexual. I totally sympathise with everything you said. I've had quite different experiences, but the feelings/dilemnas you've described are incredibly similar to mine. I know how painful they can be. As for convincing people that I'm serious and not just some stupid girl with a phase/seeking attention? Well, I've only told close friends and most of them understand. They're good people and they believe me. Some people, I know, think that it's just a phase/confusion, but in the end, I feel like, who cares? So they have a stupid opinion of me - that's their problem. It doesn't affect my daily life. If I eventually come out more, then I'll probably have to deal with many more people wh don't understand, who prejudge me or who think I'm phony/confused. But I guess that if they think that, their mind is so small that their opinion is practically worhtless. When it comes down to it, all that will matter is that I'm in a relationship with someone who makes me happy, and that I accept and love myself. So, that's my method. A lot of the time it doesn't work, but that's what I try. Good luck, Courtney, I really feel for you (*hug*)
Labels who needs them? I try to live without a label as much as I can allow! You just accept and classify yourself!
What I do whenever I start to think that maybe I am one or the other and how am I sure I'm bi, is I think: - Would I have sex with a guy? - Would I have sex with a girl? - Would I do all the relationship closeness, talking, cuddling, sharing with a guy? - Would I do all the relationship closeness, talking, cuddling, sharing with a girl? I always realize that I would do all of these, and that I actually want to try all these. That's how I know I'm bi. You can tell other people the same thing. Just, tell them point blank that you could see yourself with a guy or a girl. And, just because they can't understand it, and just because they don't see how that could happen, doesn't mean it's not true.
question for u- what if u can say yes to all of that- well ok, if i can say yes to all of that but when with girls still thinking bout guys. is that still bi or...? just trying to figure out where i am on the spectrum.
I don't know. This is just what I know about me. As for how you're experiencing....it sounds like maybe what you're thinking and what you're actually attracted to might not be the same.
Wow. This is an excellent post. I'm also having trouble figuring out my sexuality - mostly because I am attracted to both females and males (and right now, it's pretty evenly), but I'm scared to attach a label to myself. Similar to PB, I'm just waiting for someone I like - boy, girl, whatever. And on getting to people to take your sexuality seriously, I've actually had a discussion with one of my friends (since she is bi and out), that it's really just a "you're attracted to who you're attracted to" type thing. It's a difficult (and yet, ironically, so simple) concept for alot of people. Just explain to them that members of both sexes are attractive to you, physically, emotionally, in whatever way you feel connected/attracted to them. Though they may not take it seriously, you know how you feel and that's the most important thing.
i find it really hard for me to figure out wether i'm gay or bi or what..see i would answer two questions out of those 4 with a clear yes-the ones about being with a girl. i would want to have sex with a guy at all...and i wouldn't wanna kiss one again. i don't really know about cuddlin and that sort of stuff so i guess that would make me pretty much gay but there's the thing: i often see guys and i think "well he looks good...nice, attractive" but i don't know, if a guy has a really nice smile i basically think wow i'd to know him better...but i guess more as a friend? cos i wouldn't wanna have sex with a guy..or as a brother. probably because i've never really had any guy friends...it's confusing me...cos i think everything looks like im gay but im still not sure and i myself NEED a label...i dont know i just need to know what i am..and i think i cant come out until i am sure of my own sexuality... sorry this is all a little weird
It sounds like you're sexually attracted to women, but emotionally and sometimes also physically attracted to men, is that right? To me, it sounds like you're a girl who would like some guy friends and who can appreciate men in a physical sense, but who doesn't want to actually get funky with them. Rather, you want to have a sexual, physical AND emotional relationship with a woman. Is that right? To me, that sounds like what a lot of gay people say about their sexuality. Although the physical attraction can confuse things, just thinking "Wow, he's cute/attractive" doesn't necessarily make you sexually orientated towards men. It just means you can appreciate male beauty. So, perhaps you could identify with the label gay? On the other hand, there's no pressure to take a label. Plus, the line gets very grey when you can't tell whather your attraction towards people is just physical or to what extent sexual too (ie how far you'd actually want to go with a boy or girl). Which is how it is for me :eusa_doh: And don't worry, it's not wierd at all, it's very human and real.
I consider myself a lesbian but definitely believe in bisexual love...I know I have my grey areas. Like for example, I've never fancied a guy, but last week when I was watching Dancing on Ice, I thought Ray Quinn was really fit and I was like, 'If I was attracted to guys I'd totally get with him'. (I'm really glad he won Dancing on Ice btw) Sexually...I've only ever been attracted to girls. I can imagine myself having sex with a girl one day in the future. I love cuddling, it's really nice and relaxing and comfortable. I think I'd find it a bit awkward cuddling with a guy and I can't really imagine having sex with a guy. I mean, I don't think it'd be bad, just awkward...as in my heart wouldn't be really in it, if you get my gist.
at the end of the day you only need to justify your sexuality to yourself if others dont accept it stuff them its no loss those quickest to judge sexuality are those insecure in theres aslong as your happy with who you are nothing else matters take care
