Well, as some of you know, I finally came to grips with my sexuality, but I was having problems with the idea of coming out to my Mother. Last night I trampled through that hurdle and it went surprisingly well. I had made a thread about how I got in contact with my gay uncle, who suggested coming out to her right away, and that was a few days ago. And I sat on it for a few days until last night, over a bottle of wine, I just did it. She took it really well and said she always knew and that she just wants me to be happy. I'm kind of shocked at all of this and I'm still processing it. The fact that she always knew kind of irks me, I'm not sure why. I feel like I've been being watched in that regard but my BF said that 'mother always knows.' So there's that. Right now I'm a little hungover, it took a whole bottle of wine for me to do what I did last night, but I needed that added courage in order to come out to her. She's a very... difficult woman but she didn't take it bad at all, the way I thought she would. She just said it was something that was always in the back of her mind since I was a little boy. I'm just glad it's over, now. Maybe I can finally feel some closure.
Congratulations, Benway! I am very happy for you! That has to be such a relief! And now you can be open with her about your BF, as well, which will make your relationship with him much easier.
That's great that you got a positive response. Don't worry about the "I knew all along" line, so many of us heard that one and to be honest if anyone is going to know before we do, it's most likely our parents. I suspect based on your posts that maybe your closeted sexuality has been covering up other deeper issues in your relationship with your mother. Now that your sexuality is out in the open it could be a good time to start investigating that a bit further. From what you've said here and before, your boyfriend is very supportive so you could start by talking it over with him or start up a thread here.
Hi Benway, That is fantastic. I'm so glad she took it that well - from your expectations this might be confusing but just enjoy the openness and that fact that she didn't react badly. Now you can have your bf round and not have to worry. Again, really fantastic. Your bottle of wine evening obviously does the trick. Hope your good but keep us posted if you want to talk about how things go over the next few days if you like.
Well Benway, here's to success, whether or not it was well-lubricated with liquid courage! In Robert Bly's book Iron John, which talks about the important steps that boys must go through in order to become a man, there is a curious part of the ancient story of Iron John (as written down by the Grimm brothers, who wrote several very old folkloric stories) where the King's son has to steal the key to the Wild Man's cage. The key is hidden under his mother's pillow. The Wild Man in the story is imprisoned in an iron cage, he is keeping something that the boy desires, a golden ball that accidentally rolled into the cage, and the only way to get it back is to let the Wild Man out of the cage. The boy has to steal the key from his mother, this is essential, he has to separate himself from the mother's emotional, and often suffocating embrace and obedience, he has to free the Wild Man, the one that will allow the boy to live his desire, his golden ball. By getting into your relationship, you took the first step toward stealing that key, this then is the culmination of that: your mother recognized instinctively that you needed to do this, she gave you a deep gift by her acceptance, consider it then to be your first initiation into manhood.
Thanks, guys. It's been a really rough couple of days but my Mom was literally the last person who didn't know I was gay. Now that she knows, I'm fully out to everyone. And it was the last secret I was withholding from my Mother. Now, hopefully, we can move on with our lives and live more openly than before.
This is such incredibly awesome news, Benway! I can understand the frustration with "I always knew", especially when she questioned you with the "are you still gay" thing... remember that parents also go through the 5 stages of loss and my guess is, she probably went through them a while ago but waited for you to tell her. It is fantastic that you're making such positive change in your life. I think if you read back to your earliest posts here to where you are now... you'll see just how profoundly you've changed for the positive over the past year or two, and your story has no doubt helped and influenced others as well. Please keep us in the loop!
Indeed I will, Chip. Like I said, I'm also seeing someone now, as well. He's had a profoundly positive effect on my life and even though he's busy a lot of the time he showed me the romantic side of being gay and I love him for that. I've never felt a connection with another person like that before and I really want him to know how much I love him and appreciate him for it. He's amazing.
Can't believe I missed this when it came out! Geez...being impossibly busy sucks...you miss so much! Benway, once more ((((((((( congratulations!! ))))))))))...fabulous news! Alcohol can be an amazing lubricant to get yourself to do things you know you should/must but can't find the courage without...though obviously it can be relied upon too readily as well...this sounds to me like an appropriate use! Well worth the (hopefully mild) hangover. Frustrations aside, it must be an amazing feeling to be out to someone who means so much, and not have to hide this aspect of who you are from anyone! Yay!! Now onward to happiness and fulfillment!
