Hi, I recently posted for the first time to introduce myself, but I have some new questions now! I was wondering: (a) In trying to figure out my sexuality I thought maybe looking at some pics of nude people would help (I have never done this before). I did, and I found men extremely unattractive, while the women I didn't mind looking at. Does this pretty clearly point to being lesbian? Or could I be wrong about this? (b) how do you know when you have decided? I am scared I will never be sure of who I am interested in! (c) does having a relationship help you work it out? Because I have never had one with anyone. Sorry for all the stupid questions. I will probably be too embarrassed to come back now! (Even though this is anonymous).
Don't be embarrassed we all have things we need to ask everyone finds out who they like at there own pace you don't need to label yourself if your not sure. There are many colors in the rainbow.Take your time you will understand in time.If you liked looking at women then look.
a. Well, it doesn't mean you're definitely a lesbian. But if you really weren't turned on by the guys, and the girls interested you, you can be fairly certain you at least like girls. Don't worry so much about labeling yourself, just focus on trying to figure yourself out as you go. If you like women, awesome. If you don't, oh well. It'll all come in time. b. You don't really...decide. Life decides for you. You'll know for sure one day. Right now you're questioning, but someday you'll meet someone who will literally rock your world. Then you'll definitely know. But until then, you know just by seeing who you're attracted to most. I thought I was bi for 3 years, but I just recently realized that I really don't find many men attractive, and I'm always looking at girls. c. I don't think so. I mean, it may help to have an experience with either gender in order to figure out which you like more. But really, like I said, paying attention to who you're most attracted to is the easiest way to figure out who you're into. Don't be embarrassed we've allll been here girl.
Well, about C) ... If you jump into a relationship before you know, or atleast have a strong theory, on what your sexuality is it could be not only bad for you, but unfair for your partner, if it turns out your not ready or you were wrong. Sexuality IS one of those things you just know. You dont have to have sex or have a partner before you know, i can prove that one by looking at myself hah. Take your time though hon' (*hug*) cause it look me like 6-7-8 years (can never keep track anymore hehe) and sometimes it takes people longer. I mean, i always *knew* i just never accepted. And you have to accepted it prior to relationships anyways cause if you cant love yourself how can you be expected to love others?
A) I wouldn't say "clearly", but it's a stepping stone. Sexuality is not strictly limited to physical attraction; emotion, personal connections are just as (read: more) important. Give it some time before slapping a "Hi, I'm gay" sticker on your shirt. B) For me, there wasn't an exact moment where I just "knew it". Looking back, I can see signs as young as 4 or 5, but I struggled with it for years before finally but gradually coming out to myself. Again, you've got time. Let things progress naturally, don't pressure yourself towards one side of the other, and eventually...you'll know. C) It could, but I don't recommend it. I've never been in a relationship with anyone myself, but I'm still certain that I'm gay. You might meet up with a girl that you completely fall in love with and have a serious relationship with, but you might also find the one bad apple out of the bunch and remain uncertain even after the relationship ends. Not only that, there's the tiny little bit of you that would feel bad for using other people to find out something about yourself. Rather than trying to force yourself into a relationship to "test the waters", try to work things out with yourself first.
Hey dont be embarressed most people here have been there at some point, some of us are still there and those that havent have probably had other issues with or coming to terms with their sexuality. Everyone has given great advice im not sure how much I can add apart from to say I found one of the biggest problems to be my impatience to work it all out and then the mess I got myself into stressing and wondering about it. The more I forced myself to work it out and the more I thought about it the more confused I got. It took me until recently to work out that actually I wasnt sure I like men, but I had just assumed I did because everyone around me did. I think lots of people myself definately included would love for a potential girlfriend to be waiting there once we have decided we are definately at least not straight so that we can confirm our suspicions but unfortunately thats not generally how it works (although I live in hope), and because of our lack of experience we then start doubting any progress we have made in our search to discover our sexuality but thats just normal. I think just take your time and you will figure it out, and at the moment if you find girls attractive go for it, it might change it might not but as long as you follow your heart then thats all you can do (*hug*). Sorry I have written a long reply now, but if you want to talk you can post on my wall.
Looking at these pics will definitely give you some idea, but of course, that is not all there is to it. As for part b) I am not sure if you anyone TRULY knows. I was actually just watching an episode of Oprah today (I honestly NEVER do) but it was about women who truly believed they were straight and were HAPPILY married for 5+ years but then they had a gay encounter and truly found out they were gay. This one woman was married to her husband for 5 years, HAPPILY, with 2 kids. But then she met another woman and ended up falling in love with her and married her.It just goes to show that you can never be sure. In relation to part c) Yes. A relationship definitely helps!! You'll definitely find out why when you get into them. Best of luck to ya!
A) Not clearly. Though, unlike a guy, there's no penis to stare at so I'm kinda lost as to how that works. But maybe the men just weren't what you liked to look at? B) I can't just decide who I like and don't like. It comes naturally. Your body will tell you. I don't know 100% that I am gay, though I do say I am. The reason for that being that I've never fallen in love with a woman, nor have I ever found one attractive except for Uma Thurman, and I think that's because she kinda looks like a man. But, I should say *yet. C)Don't have a relationship to just have one. You'll only end up hurting yourself. Try to figure it out before heading into one. That's what I recommend.
Thanks for all your replies people! I have to add (cos I feel a bit silly now) - I wasn't suggesting that I go out and get into a relationship just to work out who I like!! I was just wondering if having one would make it easier to know for sure. I'm not that kind of person, I promise!
You sound a lot like me a couple of weeks ago. Thankfully I've talked to a lot of people on here and even come out to my mom (and looked at a few, um, pictures) and I've figured out that I'm almost positively a lesbian. Support from other people can really help, I promise, so this site should be awesome for you. Just give yourself time. I know it's frustrating, but you'll figure it out. It just might take some time.
