I was hanging out with my grandparents today, and I was having a great time. We were all relaxing, listening to a band play at a restaurant, and I was happy. Then, my boyfriend texted me. I realized one day, they're going to hate me. They're extremely homophobic, and one day when they figure out who I really am, they'll hate me. They love me now, but one day that'll change. Don't get me wrong, I love my grandparents. I would do anything for them. And I'm pretty sure they can say the same for me, for now I guess. Everytime I hang out with them, I realize the inevitable fate of our relationship and immediately get extremely depressed. As the title says, I'm at a crossroads, a fork in the road, with no idea what to do. I could come out to them, and finally be free, and live my life openly; at the cost of burning the bridge of our friendship. I could hide it, at the cost of my way of life. I don't live with them, so I wouldn't be in any danger if I came out to them, but then again; I don't want to lose them over something so stupid. Advice?
Hey 3n, Have you tried talking to your parents? They should know your grandparents well enough to tell you how they think your grandparents will react and advise you on whether or not Come Out to them. Couldn't they help you evaluate the risks versus the rewards of Coming Out to your grandparents? Why are you convinced that your grandparents are likely to react so badly to your news? Are they super religious? Or did they just grow up in a very conservative society? Both sets of my grandparents died long before I came out of the closet, but my Dad’s parents were strict Catholics and I feel certain that my grandmother on his side would have disowned me, while my grandfather, who was very laid back would have been fine with it after a while, but he would have gone along with my grandmother for a long as she was still alive. My grandparents on my mother’s side both also grew up in a very conservative environment, but were not nearly as religious and family was more important than anything else. So I know that they would have accepted me, after a period of adjustment to the shock of the news, of course. My grandfather on my mom’s side was my hero and the two of us we sometimes inseparable. It would have killed me to have to tell him that I wasn’t the ‘normal’ grandson that he loved, adored and respected so much. But I would have had to do it if I got into a serious relationship with a guy – which wasn’t really an option for me while he was alive for various reasons. I don’t know if this helps… Take Care. Stay strong and proud!
I have talked to my mom about it, and she's just as afraid as I am. They'd probably rather hear I have cancer than that I like dudes.
Well, that truly sucks, 3n! I feel for you! For now, you can put it off, but at some point, your desire to be 'real' to them and with them may overcome your fear of their reaction. It's clear that you don't feel like it right now, but at some point you may start to feel indifferent to their reactions because "If they can't accept me - all of me - for who I am, that's just their problem and I have to live my life for me." And you never truly KNOW anyone's reaction until you Come Out to them. They may surprise you and, after a long, uncomfortable period that it takes them to come to terms with what you tell them, they may surprise you by letting love of family win out over ignorance and hatred. Take Care, my friend!
Sorry about that but who knows? It's 21st century and they must have heard about LGBT, etc. People are more accepting now even the baby boomers than before. Anyway, don't overthink too much about this. You don't have to come out to everybody, really. If you think that it's not gonna be okay, don't come out. Don't feel guilty that this part of your being is UNKNOWN to them. It is never an OBLIGATION to tell his/her whole being to everyone or even to someone. WE RATHER SHARE THIS PART OF OURSELVES TO PEOPLE WE THINK WILL ACCEPT AND LOVE US UNCONDITIONALLY. Having said this, do not expect your loved ones who love you completely to be ready all the time to understand where you're coming from. All of us have biases and personal beliefs. The most important thing is to give RESPECT even if we don't understand each other. You are still young. Enjoy your life and be free. In case time comes that you choose to come out to your grandparents and the outcome is not favourable to you, remember that it's NOT about you. It's ABOUT their own personal beliefs and it will be a battle between their beliefs in life and their love for you. Battles can take a while, years, or like forever but love always win in the end. Be strong and always think the positive side of life. Hugs to you.
This is just my suggestion. Knowing with 100% certainty how they will react, why do they have to know? I'm also struggling to come out to homophobic parents. It's really difficult, especially knowing that once you say it, you cannot go back.
