I am really at a crossroads. A part of me wants to proclaim to the world "YES, I AM A LESBIAN!" and the other half wonders, what if i'm wrong? What if I meet a guy that i'm not repulsed by when I kiss them? What if i'm not into it when I finally kiss a girl? What if I just haven't met the right guy and that's what's wrong with me? What if I just like the idea of being a lesbian, but that's not actually me? But then there's the other half of me that knows. My first crush was in 8th grade nearly 8 years ago on my friend, i've had crushes on girls that were all friends since then, but does that invalidate what I once thought were real feelings towards men? For a long time I thought I was bisexual, but what if all those crushes I had on men weren't real, and I just liked the idea of getting married and having kids and having the "traditional" life I was raised to believe I would have someday for myself? Ranting because I really don't know what is going on with my life. Even though I want to believe I've accepted it, I don't think i've fully accepted my own sexuality for myself yet, and I need some guidance.
I have a really strong feeling that I came out to myself as gay last year, but I'm wondering if I'm wrong, as their is evidence that I am straight too.
Something I learned from my old man is that "What is true today may be false tomorrow, and what is false today may be true tomorrow. " Therefore don't worry too much about the future because it always hold uncertainty. Certainty only exists in the present time. What you are feeling right now may change tomorrow or next year. You will find the man who is perfect for you. Everything is perfect. You have lovely children, beautiful house and garden. Then out of nowhere came a woman who makes your heart beat faster, gives you sleepless nights, and her voice keeps replaying in your brain anytime of the day. This may not happen to you. But you see, this happens to many straight women in later life. Whether romantic or sexual, all the same. The mere fact that you already experienced an attraction towards same sex, it will come to you no matter what. Because that's who you are. My advice is do not fret too much about the future. Live your life to the fullest now. Fall in love to whoever caotures your heart. Goodluck.
Sweetie, I've been there. I've been so goddamn confused that I came out as the wrong thing 3 billion times. Don't worry :3 I know it seems like being wrong will just be the most disasterous thing ever, but honestly it's just a little awkward and you have to explain your logic. No big deal I think that most of us have doubts, and life is very funny. But all we can do is live our live to the best of our ability.
