I guess I should start at the beginning. For around the last year I had begun developing 'feelings' for one of my female teachers, I understand teacher/pupil relations do not happen but she's really the first woman I ever felt so strongly for. I've never really found the norm of boys attractive, and always stood out in the 'who's cuter' conversations but I always put it down to me having fussy taste but more recently I've begun to discover that what I put down to as 'girl crushes' (whoever coined that phrase deserves a punch) was genuine crushes, that I actually fancied these women. I understand that dreams don't mean anything and just because you dream of lesbian things doesn't make you one but EVERY dream I had for several weeks was continuously full of me having a girlfriend and it was driving me mad, putting me in a very confused mood for school the next day. So I told my friend about one of my dreams, she laughed in hysterics and constantly reminded me of my lesbian self-conscious from then on. She's suppose to be my best friend but she teases me so much. She told lots of people about the dreams and the tag of 'the butch one' has never left me since. I do have two gay friends who I've tried to talk to but to my closest he just thinks everything in life is a joke and refuses to take anything seriously and as for the other he has far more important things in his life than to hear me whine on over-dramatically about my woes. My so-called best friend nearly reduced me to tears in public last week because of the crush she guessed I had on my teacher (she is correct, not that I let her know this). She always says shes just joking but because what she says is true , it hurts me even more. When I've tried to speak more seriously everyone seems to jump on the bandwagon trying to compete for a more depressing life. I just wanted to tell my problems to some people who might, even if I think I'm so kind of RADA reject on a self-appreciation rant, be able to help or care. The thing is if they'd just shut up , I'd be able to work out whether I am a lesbian or whether I do still feel for boys and am in-fact a bisexual. sorry for the rant. I know I have just wasted 5 minutes of your life. Thank you for reading it, it's nice to know someone listens
I always listen honey (*hug*) Welcome to EC, and post on my wall with anything you wont - big or small. As for your friends, i doubt your best friend is trying to hurt you with these jokes so TELL HER If she is your best friend, she will understand. Explain to her you have feelings for the teacher, but dont know if your a lesbian or bi or whatever, and that your still confused. Your best friend will have to understand because thats what best friends do. And your gay friend who is not serious, i know this will sound harsh but just because he/she is gay does not mean he is also an expert at support and advice on the subject. I have alot of friends i would never go to if i needed to discuss something important - but hey, thats not a BAD thing! Everyone needs some not-so-serious relaxed friends And your gay friend who you dont think will care about your "woes", i would just go for it! You will never know until you try, you owe it to yourself to atleast do that. Maybe this friend will surprise you will just the right words you need to hear. But in the end, and hear me out on this, its NOT a big deal at the moment picking a solid category for your sexuality. You like girls, that seems obvious, so just lean on that for now. If you meet a boy who gives you the spark, you will know. You can "come out" as confused, or heck come out as a lesbian even if your not 100% sure, but labels are just words, simple ordinary words, they dont hold any power over defining you
Hey you sound like you need lots of these (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*). Im sorry your having such a confusing time, but you have found a good place to talk about things here at EC, most of us have been or are still confused and we are all more than happy to listen to anything, anytime and offer what support we can. Post on my wall anytime. I agree with Greggers I think you should tell your best friend how much her comments are hurting you, if you dont tell her she wont know and she will just continue to do it, but as a good friend if she realises its upsetting you im sure she will be more understanding. I think you can either come out as gay or confused or not say anything at all, it depends on what you feel more comfortable doing, but even if you come out as gay and then fall for a guy you can always change your mind. (*hug*)
This is always the problem! I always encounter this too! But thing is, you sometimes just need to put up with that. Listen to their stories, show interest and concern. That age old rule applies here "Treat others how you want to be treated." Plus it's good Karma. Maybe they won't totally listen to your story, but ONE person might...and that is all it takes. And if they don't listen to you, something good is bound to happen to you. Perhaps in time people will start to realize: Wow, SuchARush (Sorry I don't know your name haha) is really a great friend. She listens really well. And when they encounter other friends with problems they might refer them to you...and in time, they will listen to your problems as well. And Greggers brings up a couple great points. This is key. Best Friends need to be there for each other through thick and thin. This is a good test of your friendship I believe. You should really tell her :icon_bigg Labels are indeed just words. A lot of people pick a sexuality and define themselves by it, trying to live up to every meaning of the word...this is not what you want to do. Just be yourself, talk to girls AND guys, and then if necessary, date some. It will become clear in time You are only 14 and have PLENTY of time to figure things out! I hope everything turns out well for you!
Haha and which piece of advice might that be? I'm glad one of us was able to help, either way :icon_bigg
This is what's great about EC we will listen and try to help you.I know the feeling of trying to talk to friends and all they do is joke.You don't need to label yourself right away take time and relax you will find out.
