1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Coming out to friends

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by bingbong3000, Oct 14, 2016.

  1. bingbong3000

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2016
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Leicester
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi guys, I'm a complete newbie here as I guess most people in this particular topic are.

    I need some advice.

    I am gay, but not out to anyone currently. The closest I ever got was writing out a message to my mum, but I couldn't get myself to press send. My family will all be super supportive as I already have several LGBT family members, but I'm worried about some of my friends. I can guarantee that the majority of them will be completely fine, but one of my closest friends poses an issue. We are really jokey-gay to each other (e.g calling each other daddy as a joke and stuff) but I'm worried that he's going to question my motives when I come out. I feel like he will think I actually do fancy him or mean the jokes I have with him even though I really don't have any interest in him as I know that it would ruin our friendship. So my question to you is how to come out in a way that keeps him as a friend and doesn't ruin our relationship?

    (On the other hand, there is a part of me and several other people that think he may be gay too, but I don't want to jump to that conclusion if he isn't)

    Thanks guys :slight_smile:
     
  2. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2016
    Messages:
    4,311
    Likes Received:
    329
    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi bingbong3000,

    Welcome to EC!:slight_smile:

    First, you should only Come Out to someone when you are comfortable and ready to do so. Best friends and family can be the hardest because we value them, their support and their love, so we have the most to lose it they reject us. It sounds like you have no worries with your family, which is excellent!

    It also sounds like you really want to Come Out to your best friend. I understand you concern. If my best friend had rejected me when I Came Out to him (he was actually the very first person I Came Out to), I don’t think I could have handled it emotionally at all. (Fortunately, he was completely accepting, which is probably why he was my best friend in the first place.) If you and your best friend joke about gay stuff all the time have you thought about maybe using a joke-type approach to gauge his reaction? Like maybe a knock-knock joke:

    You: “Knock. Knock.”
    Him: “Who’s there?”
    You: “Me.”
    Him: “Me who?”
    You: “Me. Your gay best friend. Just thought I’d formally introduce myself…” (Then keep a serious face and gauge his reaction so that he thinks you really are serious. If it looks like he accepts that you are serious, but he seems to be taking it badly, you could then play it off a joke “Gotcha!: *laughing* “You really fell for that one! “ If he takes it well, then you just Came Out to him.

    Or maybe something similar?

    Just a thought.:slight_smile:
     
    #2 Quantumreality, Oct 14, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2016
  3. bingbong3000

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2016
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Leicester
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thanks for the advice :slight_smile: !The thing about that method is that I have already basically told him I'm gay (some people even think we are a couple and I say to them 'well we are both gay' as a joke), so I'm gonna just have to come out to him fully seriously or not at all. Its a really odd relationship but its a really strong and close one so I'm understandably nervous about the consequences.