That's the question I am asking myself now. I don't usually go into this mood but its like, I really don't want to be in this position anymore. I turned 18 today. And I guess that's part of the problem, I had quite some high expectations. I can legally drink and enter pubs and bars. I expected something not wild, but at least different. And when I get stuck at my home, watching youtube videos like everyday, with barely no cash on me and with a family who could care less about me, yeah it gets to a point I am really frustrated. Add to the mix a friend of mine, who wanted to "cyber" and now that I'm 18 he wouldn't feel guilty. I don't want to. Not I just don't find him attractive, but sexual release on a webcam/chat room is just a no-no for me. And I can't really tell him that because he will be hurt. I am even questioning if I consider him a friend anymore. The only good thing I guess is that college is going abnormally good --at least the academic part: my social life is as bad as it could get. But I feel like I am missing part of my life and it kills me, really no pun intended. I haven't felt the need to suicide in a long time, and I guess my beliefs in God and the fact I don't want to become part of the "stats" about teenage gay suicides are stopping me. I am now 18, kinda out but without a relationship and still somewhat scared of what other people could tell about me. I just want to die.
You said it RIGHT there. Your life is not all crap. Dont fuck up and end it over being 18 and poor without a relationship. Think of it this way, if everyone who was poor, 18, and had no relationship killed themselves over THAT? Id be dead, you would be dead, and about 75% of other 18 years olds would be too. I know more jobless people my age than not. I know its cold, i know its heartless, but your life is not bad enough to be made into a Lifetime movie just yet. Alot of depressed people have these suicidal thoughts, especially gay people, and it saddens me to see. Ive been there, ive actually attempted a few times. The sad thing is though, if i had just told someone (like you are right now) someone could have told me "Snap the FUCK out of it because your life is not THAT bad" (like i am now ). Very cold, VERY harsh, but in the end its the truth It would have helped me to hear it, so maybe it will help you. Sorry if i crossed any lines.
Greg said it all. Things that you find hard right now,will change. In life,it's all about the good & the bad. I know that may sound cliche,but it also happens to be true. I'd guess that most people have felt suicidal,at one time or another. ( including me) But,you only get one chance at life. Make it the best life that you can and learn to roll with the punches. You're only 18! You need to figure out ways to make your life better. It's a challenge,that's a fact,but it's so worth it. The good times will come,if you're here to let them.
Hi there! First off, Happy Birthday! Harming yourself is never the answer to anything. You are dealing with a few things that you can overcome. You've already said something really important: Try to focus on the things in your life that make you feel good, or that allow you not to think about it. If you have seen a counselor in the past, try going back to him/her. If you have not seen a counselor before, try making an appointment with a counselor. Talking about things that bother us, and not letting them inside of us, does help. You still have your entire life ahead of you. You have stuff going for you. Try to focus on that. Studying and giving it your best is always good. In many ways you could use your academic work to draw on some much needed confidence and motivation, which might also help you in other aspects of your life. Your social life is important as it will help you to keep a balance in life. There are things you could do or give at least a try. To start with you could try joining a LGBT support or social group either on campus (if your college has one) or off campus. Getting to know new people, and trying to make some new friends, could help you feeling differently about yourself. Another thing you could try is perhaps joining a club or an activity at your college. Maybe try looking some stuff up, maybe you'll find something that would interest you. Maybe try going out a bit more with your friends. Maybe ask a friend from school or with whom you have a class, if he or she wants to go out for a drink/coffee after school or during an evening. If you feel uncomfortable with it or this is not something you see yourself doing, just let your friend know. If your friend does not understand that, that's for him to sort out. You have to do and follow what ever you feel comfortable with. Try talking with him, and yes he might be hurt but he might also understand as to why you don't feel comfortable with it. Just explain it to him. I hope this helps!
Greggers is once again, great at the advice. I just want to stress that the relationship is definitely not everything. Your life is definitely not too shabby dude Good academics will definitely help you make your life better in the long run, believe me
Relationships, as with everything else in life take time to develop. But you will be in a relationship someday. Put yourself out there. Joining activities, or social groups can help in finding someone with whom it might just click. Maybe try not to worry too much about what other people would say about you. I mean if you have friends that you trust, why would you worry about that. If you are worried that they might out you to others, the chances of that happening are slim. I mean if a friend of yours would come to you and say something really private about another friend who told him this in confidence, would you trust this friend again? People you don't know, does it really matter? Probably not, because they don't know the real you. If we would start worrying about what everybody thinks about us, we would never stop worrying. Try to enjoy the things that you do have going for you. No worries, life throws us detours and hurdles along the way, but we can overcome them. You will overcome them.
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so crappy. I've been that down before to, and it's a pretty dark and lonely place. I don't like knowing that anyone feels like that. Part of the answer you've already said yourself. Setting realistic expectations. If you've been lonely, don't get along with your family, and only have online friends, that wasn't going to change on your birthday. That's only going to change if YOU log out of Youtube, step away from the computer screen, and get out there - somehow. That might involve joining a club of some kind at college. That might involve doing something in your community. That might involve doing some volunteer work (tutoring perhaps - if you're a really strong student?). There are countless ways for you to 'expand your world'. But don't expect TV or Movie like experiences. NOBODY lives a life like Zac in HSM. Nobody. And not everyone has a relationship at 18 either. I certainly didn't. And, while this might not necessarily be that encouraging, being 18 is not likely to be the best time of your life. Life gets MUCH better. Honest. I'm 20 years ahead of you, and I'm having a blast! Yes - I've had some pretty crappy times that I've had to work through, but I came through them, and so will you. But for right now - having real life people around that you can turn to would be helpful. Is there a counselling service at school where you could go and get some of this off your chest? Is there anyone in your family you could talk to? A good friend? If all else fails, you can always send me a PM. I'll be notified on my blackberry as soon as you send it, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Because I care that you're feeling so low that you would be contemplating suicide.
Seriously. My first serious relationship was at age 27. Before that, I was always alone. Sometimes I was content that way, but sometimes I hated it so much I couldn't breathe. Odds are good you'll find someone sooner than I did. What if you committed suicide and that person you would have found would be alone, and feeling the way you do now? Trust me, life has it's ups and downs. You feel down now, but part of the ebb and flow of life means that inevitably, it'll get better. Do what you can now to set yourself up for happiness in the future. Excel at your studies, take up meditation. Are you getting enough exercise? This has a huge effect on your seratonin levels, which make you happy. Whatever you do, don't hurt yourself. You'll highjack all the good stuff coming your way.
Jede....I can't say much more than everybody else did. Just hang in there and try to get some help. Suicide is NEVER the answer! We care about you and want you to feel good! Not having a relationship at 18 is not the end of the world. Be happy with yourself first and then the relationship will come. Be the person you would want to fall in love with!
Thanks to everyone who replied... I am not used to post here asking for help, but it sure helped and I'm really grateful. Today I skipped class to sleep a little more and I'm feeling better.
I realy like this site. sorry i know this doesnt belong here but as i read post after post theres not one idiot saying to do it. ive never seen this before. im new to EC but i really feel that this is going to help me. Trust me ive wanted to kill myself plenty but its not the answer one day you will find the most amazing guy ever and it will be worth the wait. your only 18 you have plenty of time.
i think that the fact that yo have come onto this site and made a post about your issues is a sign that you dont really want to kill yourself but want help/comfort. i could say something like try and talk to someone, but thats pointless because if you your on here, then you obviously have either no one you would want to talk to about this or a fear to bring it up wich is ok. things will get better. maybe you could try and look at the small things tat you are greatfull for. dontlet theworld beat you on this. being gay may be complicated, but dont let it defeat you. let it be part of you a it already is and live a happy life allong with it. life is precious. dont lose it. this world is full of wonders to behold.
Hi jede! I'm new to this place, and when I read your message, I knew I had to respond. I feel like we are going through something similar. For the past year I have been off and on in depression, though these days it has gotten particularly tough. I've been having suicidal thoughts as well. It all started when I started to come out of the closet. I won't go into it, because it is such a long story. I went through something similar a few years back as well. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Things will get better. They did for me back then, and in time I'm sure they will for both of us.
