I've been considering coming out lately. Maybe I won't for another few months, but I've been telling myself that I'd come out in college and I'm pretty sure I'll be able to then. But my problem is that I really don't want to tell my family(my parents specifically) face to face. I know I'll have to come out to others if need be, but until I've reached the point of being able to someone else other than one of my friends, I don't think I'll be able to talk to them directly about it without freaking out. So, what other ways can I come out without it being face to face? I've heard about writing a letter, which might be what I'll do, but right now I'm just considering my options. What are some ways to come out that might be a little roundabout, but saves me from having to tell them directly then immediately hear their reaction?
Hello L0ser, First of all, you should only Come Out to anyone if you really feel comfortable and safe doing so. If/when you decide to Come Out is totally up to you, there is no guideline or deadline. There are numerous ways to come out, but if you don’t want to tell your parents face to face, then maybe just write them a letter like you mentioned. You could also use a text message or email in a similar vein. But, ultimately, the method you choose is up to you. There are example Coming Out letters here on EC, but since you say you’re Bi, you may want to emphasize that this in not ‘a phase’ and that you have journeyed long and hard to understand your own sexuality and you wouldn’t be going to the enormous step of telling them that you are Bi if you weren’t sure. The downside with the indirect method is that you will probably be emotionally wound up from the moment you send/provide them the letter/text/email/etc up until you actually get their response. So, you may want to make sure that you don’t have anything important going for the day or so after you know that they will receive it…. Just some thoughts. Best of luck! Take Care. Stay strong and proud!
Coming out in writing is often easier, because you can make several drafts before settling on a final version that covers everything you want/need to say. When you come out face to face you have to deal with the conversation as it happens and any questions and interruptions that arise too. An alternative to writing a letter is to print off some appropriate resources from the PFLAG website and leave them with a note for your parents, including a link to more information/support: https://www.pflag.org/
I'll be sure to look through the website more throughly, just flipping through all of it seems helpful! Thanks! Yeah, the way that some people view bisexuality made super hesitant, but I'm definitely going to need to work on how I say it so they understand that it's not a phase and they understand why I want to come out. I just don't want to hide part of me from them any longer, when I'm vocal about nearly everything regardless if they agree with me or not.
I knew what I wanted to say but couldn't actually bring it up no matter how many times I tried. I wrote a letter with carefully chosen sentences, handed it to my mum and then went out for an hour. It meant I didn't have to see her initial reaction, and she had a bit of time to get over the shock before we spoke face to face about it. The next morning I went away for a few months, so kind of ran away from the mess I'd left, which I wouldn't recommend. But what is right for you will probably be different.
